Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-20
Uploaded: 2020-10-29T23:41:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-29. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-29-20

hey what's going on it's bill burr oh raspy voice billy uh my voice is coming
around here i got to
have low energy this is going to be low energy no confidence bill burr on this
podcast it's a
thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast and i doggone it i'm
just checking
in on you this is gonna be easy listening bill adult contemporary bill no i
fucked up my voice
and um it's better but uh yeah i did like nine podcasts four episodes episode
family and then
a couple other things and my voice was just fucking shot so i just got to watch
the screaming
and that type of shit so i'm very in a very medium voice here with my little
bottled water
my hall's menthol lip this my throat coat tea and i'm sure all you guys got
some fucking
witch's brew that i can fucking drink to help me out here um i'd like to wish
uh a happy championship
to all the los angeles dodger fans out there who uh waited a long long long
time
to win what number are they on i know this is how what a fucking nerd i am i
can actually name
brooklyn dodgers 55 i know you guys think i'm looking i'll fucking sit here
right now videotape
myself i can go from 1946 to today does does it make me any money that doesn't
make me a better
person no it doesn't but it makes me feel good all right the bums finally won
it in 55 the brooklyn
dodgers then they moved in 59 they won it then it goes pirates yankees yankees
dodgers 60 60 61 62 63
st louis 65 dodgers they lost in 77 78 and i want to say they lost in the early
70s too
i don't know i was i don't know they won in 81 they won in 88
and then they won in 2020 six i mean those guys were when i was growing up they
were just in
the world series and that's it maybe they lost to the a's or something like
that i don't remember but
like tommy lasorda was just the man my whole family absolutely just i don't
know we loved the
dodgers because we hated the yankees and um 77 78 they played the yankees so we
were rooting them
for the dodgers to beat the yankees because god knows the red sox back then
couldn't do it so
it was like we were rooting for our our big brother maybe you can beat up the
bully on the block
which they finally did in 1981 and um i also remember in 1980 when the kansas
city royals finally got past
the yankees uh that was that's when it was fucking great man it was just
everybody had these crazy
mustaches every every all-star was doing a fucking uh aftershave lotion
commercial and um
playing on astroturf and all of that type of shit and all these great managers
tommy lasorder
and earl weaver uh chuck tanner sparky lyle i mean it was just it was awesome
man baseball was
fucking awesome back then i loved it so anyways congratulations to them and you
also your los
angeles lakers so you got two titles two titles uh you know most people are
having a bad covid year
not not los angeles sure the whole fucking place is burning down but they're
they're winning titles
left um i don't know they got two football teams so they got twice the amount
of chances
to win a super bowl so who knows maybe they'll get one of those i will tell you
i watched a little bit
of that was it the rams playing the bears this week and um if they just they
just out coached them
because i don't think that they the rams were that much better but i hope i'm
talking about the right
game because i taped so many fucking games i'll tell you one game that i'm like
three quarters of
the way through and i don't even know who wins it i'm more than that i got like
four minutes left in
the game i'm watching um uh one of my favorites gadna minchu who literally
looks like he should be
hanging out with ken stabler on the redneck riviera if you ever wrote red ken
stabler's autobiography
which i highly recommend um you know there's a lot of hipsters out there that
kind of grow the mullet
and the stash or whatever but i believe i that i believe gardner's mustache and
long hair i'm just
like yeah this is this this guy if he if he wasn't playing football he'd be
doing something else and
that's what the fuck he would he just it fits him so i was watching him against
justin herbert
two great young quarterbacks just there's like no defense in the fucking game
and every time you
think the game is over somebody else scores a fucking touchdown is right back
in it and um i actually
asked a buddy of mine because early in the game i forget who scored i want to
say the jaguars scored
to make it like 16 to 14 with like 30 seconds left in the half or something and
rather than just kicking
the fucking extra point they go for the two-point conversion and i'm just
sitting there going what
the fuck is this this is like that patrick wash when he started pulling the
goalie with like 10 minutes
left eight minutes left what the are they doing why is going for that extra
point and leaving that point
what the fuck is going on right this makes no sense so they go for it and they
don't get it
which of course gives the other san diego a lift um then then they get the ball
they go three and
out they go to they fucking go to punt it and then the uh jacksonville blocks
it and then they score
a touchdown then i think they went for the two-point conversion again and then
that time they got it and
it's just like so why didn't you just kick two extra points i get it at the end
of the game so
you know i'm a man about town i travel a lot i do a bunch of shows i meet
people
so i got a buddy of mine uh works for one of these nfl franchises so i text him
i go what the
fuck is that and he basically what he told me is that first of all he doesn't
like it he doesn't
think it makes any sense but there's a bunch of people working for nfl teams
now that are into that
analytics and money ball shit and they're trying to hold on to these hundred
grand a year jobs
so they compile all these fucking stats to try to convince coaches and owners
that if they listen
to them they'll increase their chances of of fucking winning even though if you
know anything about
football it makes no fucking sense whatsoever not saying i know anything about
football but i know
people that know about football john madden and john madden always said you
take the points
he hated that when people would go for it on fourth down he goes kick the field
goal take the points
all of this shit's gonna add up um but it's also a different game so anyway um
i also want to give a
shout out to dodger fans because i know that they were so hurt when the diabolical
houston astros cheated
a few years ago and i have to commend all of them how outraged they were that
their boy justin tested
positive for covid yet he still played um and i i the outrage you know because
he's literally has a
disease that has killed a couple hundred thousand people and he still chose to
play and it just was
really big of those dodger fans to really take that guy to task the way that
they did because if i learned
anything about dodger fans over the last few years they want everything to be
above board they are not
about that kind of baseball
uh that dude could have had ebola no dodger fan was gonna bitch he was too much
of an asset
and then i discovered in the seventh inning i was positive that's amazing
because i'm gonna go do
stand up in the woods they know if i'm positive or negative before i go up on
the stage to tell
shit jokes on a fucking pig farm and this guy's playing the world series they
don't figure it out
to the seventh inning you can take that shit as the rock says turn it up
sideways and shove it up
you lying candy ass unfucking believe i am so i i don't blame the dodgers for
doing what they did
okay but i am so sick just as a patriots fan of all of you two-faced fucking
assholes sitting there
acting like you're a bunch of cub scouts who don't like cheating first of all
most of your golf you guys
are some of the biggest liars and cheaters out there with your mulligans
breakfast balls gimme's
fucking dropping the ball hitting somebody else's ball you fucking cunts i love
it i love it and
i'm one of the few people that will openly say i i i don't think the astros did
not deserve that
championship they 100 deserved it and the dodgers in 2017 with their bloated
fucking payroll and all those goddamn free agents okay the same way the red sox
and yankees my own
fucking teams okay in the early 2000s you can tell me that was competition 180
190 200 210 million dollar
teams going into town to play the fucking colorado rockies when you got you you
bought their best
player you know oh no by the way like three or four guys are also on steroids
get the
fuck out of here with that uh there's no santa claus people people look for an
advantage
okay and that's what it is and if you want to sit there and act like you know
it's only cheating if
your team's on the bad end of it i mean look at the los angeles lakers they're
all fucking prancing
around hey we we tied the boston celtics with championships what about that mobbed
up ref that
openly admitted he fucked sacramento out of that series you got a championship
hey la doesn't care
they're still waving that flag they don't give a fuck that first one they got
from the baa they want
they count that as an nba title before the nba even existed get the out of here
seattle seahawks
half your legion of doom tests is positive for steroids your coach pete carroll
who had to run
out the back door at usc was doing so much fucked up shit go yourself and
congratulations on your titles
all right it's a dirty filthy game it's just like politics all right
i'm gonna tell you something right now if you're going for the brass ring at
some point along the way
you're gonna have to watch harvey weinstein take a shower that's just how it is
you know and if you don't want to live that world then you gotta you gotta just
fucking you gotta open a little fucking bakery in your hometown and even then
somebody's gonna
be you on the yeast something's somebody's gonna be doing some underhanded to
you absolutely
i can't imagine the amount of car salesmen out there that have called the patriots
cheaters
hang on a second let me talk to my boss and see what we can do for you today
you fucking piece of shit you probably golf too you cunt um anyway sorry i had
to make that point
all right because i'm not begrudging anything and i was very very happy i would
have been happy for
either uh the devil rays or the um sorry they're not the devil rays anymore the
satan rays and the uh
the dodgers i always loved the dodgers and i uh i love that old stadium their
colors the whole
fucking thing i got a weird thing with like national league teams like i like
teams that
that fucking hate each other because i'm an american league guy i don't know if
you knew that about me
you know that's a big overshare with me i'm an american league guy huh now you
know that about me
what are you gonna do with that huh you're gonna bring that up at a party hey
you know that freckled
cunt uh that says all the shit jokes yeah he's an american league guy no i like
the uh i like the cubs
and the cardinals i like the giants and the dodgers i like the padres i like
when they wear those those brown
and yellow and white uniforms like when they had gary templeton or a young aussie
smith i like those things
yeah i guess i gotta be honest with you i i i don't even yeah i think maybe uh
i don't know what happened i kind of got this zen thing with sports now
i'm trying to remember why i hated the yankees i just don't give a anymore
um you know i think it really is i'm finally because i'm not working on the
road as a comedian
i can actually stay home and watch all these sports and i think now that you
know my teams aren't in it
the celtics were in it but you know the red sox shit the bed this year the
fucking patriots are having
a rough time um
i don't know it's like i can just sort of enjoy them and not be dying on every
pitch or
fucking because i actually i actually felt good for dodger fans with that ninth
inning that nobody got on
base because th