Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-3-20
Uploaded: 2020-12-04T18:37:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-3-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-3-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-04. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-3-20

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before
friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you hey bill how come
you didn't
do the big long stupid yell uh because i'm doing two shows two shows two shows
a night for the next
uh for eight days so for all you guys who went to public school like me that's
16 shows
16 hours of comedy there so i'm trying to preserve my voice because i want my
shit jokes to be pristine
in the great state of texas um i'm having a great time out here as much
fun as you can have during a fucking pandemic
i did some cool shit i landed at love field for the first time i always wanted
to land there
i always landed the bigger one but i wanted to go through the airport but um
you know i didn't fly commercial because i got kids and i got a gig i have to
do so
which is fucking hilarious which means like half my money just went out the
fucking window but it is
what it is during a pandemic so we actually didn't go through the airport we
landed on the other side
so that is the famous airport where uh jfk landed when the unfortunate shit
happened to him
that's kind of an understatement you know he kind of had some unfortunate shit
happen to him
um you know my buddy was just telling me that one of the kennedys retweeted
something about the cia taking out jfk i mean it's that always made the most
sense to me
you know it couldn't have been the mob because then they would actually be
bigger than the government
right and it couldn't have been that i know you know lee harvey oswald also i'm
the patsy
i just i believe that when he said it i mean that's just me okay and i'm also
you know a conspiracy
theorist type of person i think everybody's full of shit you know everything's
a fucking conspiracy
just watching this donald trump bullshit as he's he's raising all this money he's
done he fucking
lost i'm not saying he really lost i'll go with you if they just go like all
right well they
fucking slid some over to joe biden um i would believe that in a second just
for the simple fact
that you know people are trying to make money okay and you can't make money
when you have no
fucking idea what the president is gonna is gonna do nobody knows what the fuck
he's gonna do he's
he's like he's going bill belichick on us what the fuck is this guy doing out
here um so they want
they want a nice predictable warmonger um with a face like jerry jones
but as far as that little jackass with his fucking rifle i just don't i don't
buy it magic bullet and
all of that shit i don't buy it i think um i think uh this is my bullshit
theory i just think
jfk was not you know given the big boys what they needed so they could go out
and make their money
so back in the day it got messy nowadays they can just take you out on social
media they're just
fucking photoshop some shit you know say that you did something with the russians
you know they'll
just fucking come up with some shit they'll cut and paste it together whatever
you're not from this
country whatever the fuck they need to do you weren't born here they'll just
come up with some
bullshit and they'll get you the fuck out of there they don't they don't need
to whack you anymore
it doesn't need to be messy plus you know the reality is because convertibles
are kind of like you
know it's kind of a chick car now you can't have a president in a convertible
hi did you guys see the
real housewives last night well what about the first lady president and he
could stick her in a
convertible you know then feminists would all get mad how come they get a why
do they have a you know
no they'd actually go the other way and be like you know see this is just this
is this convertible top
is just the essence of a woman open emotionally where where the men ride in a
hard top just walling off
their feelings it's a phallic symbol i always love that the skyscrapers and
rockets and shit are all
phallic symbols and it's kind of like well you know there's some architecture
and design
aerodynamics in there but if you want to say it looks like a giant dick you
fucking whore i'll go
with it um
why couldn't we flip it around and say you got penis envy there's so much of
that feminist shit that's
just hilarious to me like or just female arguments where they go oh it's a
double standard if a guy
does it he's a stud if a woman does it she's a whore well first of all men have
to talk women into bed
where women can just show up with their titties out they can get some dick i
mean that's kind of how it
is right don't want to be crass but i just was and there's also other double
standards that level it off
if a guy fucks around he's a dog he's a piece of shit it's his fault if a woman
fucks around it's the
guy's fault he wasn't giving her what she needed emotionally so there's there's
double standards
that work out for you hey listen i don't want to i don't want to start a fight
here between the men
and the women all right i want gay people to argue so here's no i'm kidding all
right um i watched
some uh i mean i just basically i just i haven't done shit i essentially i go
to the venue i do my shows
and then i come back to the hotel and i studied my french and i've been watched
speaking of french
i watched a movie on uh netflix called lost bullet which i really really really
enjoyed and um i gotta
be honest with you i'm getting pretty good about reading french even though it's
flying by but i gotta
tell you as far as trying to understand when those people are talking holy shit
i mean it is like a
hundred times faster than i can kind of keep up but uh i've been sticking with
it i did duo i've done
duolingo for 141 days in a row and then i got this really great app um what the
fuck is it called
pim slur p-i-m-s-l-e-u-r and um i don't know i've just been doing this shit we'll
see if i stick with
it i always start to do it and then i never do but i think this one this time
it's gonna stick because
it's kind of i i follow some now i just follow random people on twitter and
instagram just because
they're french like i just sort of wrote some french shit just to see what
accounts would come
up and i just followed anybody just because i want to be reading it and now i'm
starting to
watch like french movies i'm trying to immerse myself into the language because
i think it would
be fucking hilarious to go to paris one day and act like an ignorant american
and and actually be
able to understand what people are saying or maybe you don't even do anything
and they just look at
your face and just go you know they're stupid american or whatever the fuck
they would say
america unless it's a woman american je suis francais mon uh my wife would be
uh francaise
madame all right um moving plowing ahead here um yeah so i watched that movie
lost bullet and then
i'm also really big on renting movies on youtube they got a lot of good fucking
movies on there
um i kind of i'm trying to find some obscure like um early 70s movies that are
good
you know like the friends of uh whatever the fuck that movie was that i watched
that i loved
eddie coyle unbelievable movie um and then i saw uh i'm trying to think of some
other ones i just
watched a couple of car movies i literally watched a movie called the car with
james brolin
um josh brolin's dad i believe uh ronnie cox who played bogomill in um the
beverly hills cop series
uh i just watched that movie you know it's just interesting the uh i gotta post
one of the lines
i'll post the clip it's basically a car that's going around killing people in
this small town
and it kills you know it kills so many fucking people you'd think that they
would get
you know they would turn to like the feds or maybe try to get the army to come
in there to stop this
they don't these uh cops in the middle of nowhere they just try and stop this
goddamn car
and uh they get mad at the car and all these people are yelling at it for
whatever reason out of
nowhere this chick just yells out as the car's driving away she just yells out
cat poo
and i would put that line right up there with one of my favorite bad lines in a
script that an actor
just gave gave it their all is uh a great movie uh called over the edge
i've talked about this before the kids take over the school they lock the
parents in like the uh
the little auditorium and they start trashing the school and the local cops
trying to get you know
they pulled the gates locked them and they're trying to get out of there you
know and their kids are
vandalizing the school right i bet if i watched it now now that i'm older i'd
be like these goddamn
punk kids these parents need to get them in order but i was a kid i liked it
like yeah man trash the
school fucking trying to teach us for free um this woman grabs a giant globe
and as she's running past
the auditorium the cops on the other side of the gate and she stops and she
looks at him
and she's holding the globe and she just goes eat it you stinking pig
i don't know what that means other than they were trying to stay with the pg
rating um
but whatever i'm making fun of that movie a little bit i will tell you uh if
anybody can
find out where that shot because there's an opening scene where there's two
people riding a bicycle
through this this um this tunnel and like uh looks like this southwest of this
country it's
fucking gorgeous um and then of course some fucking shit happens after that but
it's it's a cool movie
man if you're just in like a silly mood you want to watch something then it's
also cool seeing josh
brolin's dad josh brolin's one of the coolest fucking actors ever and you see
his dad you're like ah that's
where he got it that's where he got that swagger um and also what i can't
understand
is whenever they do a movie about the 70s like now they never can do the hair
right
like if you look at like james brolin's hair with the stash it's like that's
the dude that's the
fucking marlboro man that's the guy everybody wanted to be in the 70s and that's
the fucking haircut
that's what you wanted to look like it's right there on film i know maybe when
people get cast
they don't have time to grow it out but it always just looks like they're
wearing stupid wigs um
but anyway some cool cars in there some plymouth furies
uh motorcycles and 10 speed bikes from back in the day i'm a really am a child
of the 70s and then my
music is from the 80s and um i just been having a great time there's a couple
of uh burt reynolds
movies i want to check out too so that's what i've been doing on the road good
clean fun um
we also got some the best fucking barbecue i think i've ever had um let me get
you the name
of this place i think it's called the pecan lodge here in um dallas texas hold
the best
fucking brisket i ever had and like they ordered that shit got it for me and i
ate it like an hour
later and it you know because i was doing the show and it was still
unbelievable i believe
it's the pecan lodge i believe it's the pecan lodge yes um you gotta have the
brisket holy
fucking shit it's not like that thin cut it's like a thick cut almost like a
small steak
and it was just the juiciest brisket you know because sometimes you know
barbecue the thing about
barbecue is as far as my limited knowledge is a lot of times it's not a good
cut of meat that's
why they cooked it low and slow and then they would put like that sauce on it
to try to give
it some flavor so if people don't know what they're doing like we had this
other barbecue last night
and it did not travel well i'm not going to trash the place to say the name of
it because that's not
fair i think you got to go there and sit down but um the pecan lodge holy if
you ever come to dallas
that's the way to go oh and love field too as people will tell me has a little
aviation
museum i don't know if i'm gonna have time to go over there um i kind of just
been chilling here
you know watching movies they got you know going to the gym making sure there's
nobody down there
um my shoulders are feeli