Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-17-20
Uploaded: 2020-12-17T19:33:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-17-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-17-20' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-17. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-17-20

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast.
From Monday, I'm sorry, it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before
Friday, Monday Morning Podcast.
And I'm just checking in on you.
I'm checking in on you, Joe Sixpack.
You put your fucking pants on one leg at a time and you can do no wrong.
You can do no wrong. You are not held accountable.
Okay. You do have a medical degree.
Sorry, I'm just watching all of this peripherally.
I'm seeing all of this shit.
People getting pissed at the government because of these lockdowns, which is
crushing businesses.
And a lot of these fucking guys, you know, they go, you know, stand six feet
apart, have your fucking mask on, don't go out to dinner.
And then what do they do? What do they do after all that? Yeah, yeah, bullshit.
What do they do? They go right out and they sit down and fucking get dinner.
All right. So everybody's like, well, what the fuck?
That's like when your mother said, say no to drugs and you'd already looked
into a little fucking, you know, a little end table side, little drawer there.
So all her little mother's help is in there.
Oh, really, you know, you think we don't hear you wandering around the fucking
halls after you put us in bed?
All right.
You're a pill popping, two faced fucking hypocrite.
But you make a great pie and you are my mother.
And my religion says I need to respect you.
I need to honor my mother and father.
Haven't said that.
You're taking a devil's aspirin.
I'm in a great fucking mood.
Do-da, do-da.
To the point I'm combining songs.
That was a mashup of a song that never existed with.
Do-da, do-da, do-da.
What is that?
A Yankee doodle head or something.
Old-da-do-da-day.
Old MacDonald.
Old MacDonald head now.
What the fuck?
Do-da.
Do-da, do-da, do-da, do-da, do-da.
Old-da-do-da-day.
Time to run all night.
Time to run all day.
I don't know.
It's one of those white prospector songs, you know.
That you'd sing after you killed your wife.
All right.
I'll go get myself another one.
And the next plot will get me some gold.
And that's the way it was in the 1800s.
Anyway, I just flew a helicopter.
I had a great time.
I flew a Cabri G2,
which is sort of a baby A-star for you aviation people out there.
And the main rotor turns the other way.
So it was kind of interesting.
So all the pedal inputs were different.
All you have to remember is that with the European helicopters,
is your left foot follows the collective.
For the non-people flying helicopters,
that's this thing that looks like the emergency brake.
You know, we were doing neutral drops and fucking,
what do they used to call that when you just grab the emergency brake,
yank it up and turn the steering wheel?
In your Chevy Monza.
Yes, that was a car for you youngsters out there.
All right.
You know, I tried to help,
tried to help,
tried to hype
an album.
Who the fuck's texting me now?
From Tim Jones.
All right.
And I fucked it up.
So I got to make sure that I got everything in here.
Okay.
This is what he sent me.
He said,
Bill getting messages from a ton of people laughing their asses off at that,
at the promo.
Of course,
because I fucked it up.
Thanks for spreading the word.
And when the records are done,
hopefully next month,
next month,
they're going to be done.
So the guy's name is Leroy Powell is the guy also with Tim Jones.
Okay.
He wanted me to know that he's played on not only Wheeler Walker,
this guy's like a legend.
So I felt bad that I didn't know his last name.
And I,
and I only said the Wheeler Walker thing,
which was a fantastic album.
But he's also done other stuff.
He's a top session guitar and pedal steel player for Dave Cobb and many
others producing projects,
including Sturgill Sampson,
Wheeler Walker Jr.,
Anderson East,
Shooter Jennings,
get over here,
you son of a bitch.
Cody Jennings,
Chris Isaac.
Is that the guy?
And I will always something or other.
Or is that Whitney Houston?
I'm just mashing up songs here.
I don't want to fall in love.
Well,
then don't Chris quit complaining about it.
What are you fucking a white Drake?
I never heard a guy get so much fucking pussy and be sad about it than Drake.
I mean,
what is the problem?
It sounds like your life is amazing.
Lee,
you used to call me on myself.
So move on to the next one.
You fucking rock star.
Fucking cry about it.
You mink coat.
What the fuck am I supposed to feel bad about?
Cody Jennings,
Chris Isaac,
Leanne,
whoa,
Matt,
whoa,
Mac,
Barry Gibb.
By the way,
the BG's documentary is fucking amazing.
And of course,
way back,
the old Oak Ridge boys.
I'll tell you,
them Oak Ridge boys,
you give a couple of guitars,
man,
they're going to be crazy on your ass.
He also co-wrote and produced Whiskey Myers first album.
So there you go.
The guy is a beast.
And I,
you know,
I'm not,
I'm just fucking with you with the Southern accent.
I am actually a closet,
huge country music fan.
I like the old guys,
the old guys,
you know,
whose dads had,
had fucking some moonshine still.
They knew how to fix cars and play a couple of cowboy chords.
The next thing you know,
they would write the saddest song ever.
I told you what's his face.
George Jones is my favorite.
Come on in.
Was it?
Was it something like that?
If you'd like to take the grand tour of a lonely home that once was home,
sweet home,
golden ring.
I listen to all that shit.
The old fucking Willie Nelson.
I love all of that shit.
I like the outlaw ones.
I don't like the ones that are trying to get,
become the next president with all the family values.
I like the ones that have a brick of weed on their bus and don't pay their
taxes.
Those are the guys I like.
So anyway,
we got a link for that.
The whiskey wolves of the West,
www.whiskeywolvesofthewest.com.
And they're putting out three,
three albums next month.
I'm supposed to be done by next month.
They get a little sad up there.
So I'm looking forward to that.
All right.
Now let's talk NFL football.
What it up?
What it up?
Did anybody watch that unbelievable game?
Between the Baltimore Ravens and the Cleveland Browns,
the Cleveland Browns,
who are not only not your dad's Cleveland Browns,
not your grandfather's Cleveland,
maybe your grandfather's.
I would say your great grandfather's Cleveland Browns.
This is a fucking solid team.
And they have not had a solid team.
I don't think since like fucking Bernie Koza,
you know,
so maybe it's your dad's when he was a kid,
right?
Like a little baby.
That fucking game was like,
remember those Rocky movies where you're just like,
dude,
this fucking,
that would have knocked that guy out.
And they kept fighting.
That's what the end of the game was like.
All right.
And it's a testament to the level athlete that's out of the field,
at least on the offensive side of the ball.
And it's also a testament to the dirty,
filthy work of Jim Irsay and the whole NFL,
where they're just like offense sells this game.
Because back in the day,
Joe Montana just had to be Joe Montana once.
All right.
Two minutes left in the game.
Good.
No worries.
Joe Montana right down the field.
Defense would come out,
stop the other team.
Joe would take three knees.
The game was over.
That ain't the way the game's played no more.
It's not the way the game is played anymore.
The game is now fucking insane.
Okay.
I can't,
I lost track of the amount of lead changes in the final fucking minute and 50
seconds.
It seemed it's like Cleveland scored.
I think to tie the game.
All right.
Baker Mayfield drives him down.
Bam.
Ties up the fucking game.
And then Lamar Jackson's like,
Oh really?
Oh,
is that what you're doing?
Okay.
And then he goes out there like Joe Montana,
right down the field.
Bam.
Right.
Touchdown.
Now they're up seven and they cut to Baker Mayfield.
And what is he doing?
He's on the side,
nodding his head.
Like he's in a Hollywood movie.
Like Vince young back in the day in the fucking,
when they played USC in that one of the greatest,
one of the great college games of all time.
No,
it's like,
okay,
okay.
I see you,
Joe Montana.
And now I'm Joe Montana.
He goes right down the field.
Bam.
Touchdown.
Thankfully,
they went for the extra point.
I'm like,
they're going to go for two here and they're not going to get it.
They go for extra point.
They get the extra point playing for overtime.
All right.
Now there's like seconds left.
And Lamar Jackson's just like,
okay,
now I'm going to be Joe Montana.
There's three Joe Montana moments.
He goes right down the fucking field again,
gets him within field goal range.
They have like a fucking robot level field goal kicker.
I mean that complimentary.
The man does not miss.
He comes out,
bam,
right there,
Fred game fucking over.
The announcers are losing their mind.
Fans are losing their mind.
The guy who controls the fake applause,
it makes it seem like there's people there.
His fucking fingers are hurting from everything that was going on there.
And they saying everybody's praises.
Lamar Jackson,
what are you doing here?
This is fucking me.
Oh,
a bigger Mayfield.
Look what he just gets his right back.
I mean,
this guy,
I mean,
he really seems like a quarterback of the future in Cleveland.
Oh,
Lamar Jackson,
right?
Going fucking nuts.
And that one,
not at one moment.
Did they bring up how fucking horrific the defense was?
How the fuck the Cleveland Browns,
how the fuck after your man,
your Joe Montana goes down and ties up the game.
Do you let that fucking guy go by two fucking corners?
Okay.
No disrespect to Lamar Jackson.
That was not him.
That was the Cleveland defense fucking up.
And then the Ravens come out.
They can't stop Baker.
He goes right down the fucking field.
Like it's nothing.
I don't know.
It was insane.
It was like watching tennis fucking head going back and forth.
I'm like,
what's going on here now?
It was fun to watch.
I'll tell you right now.
It was amazing.
But I will tell you,
but you know,
at some point you have to address either the rules have changed so much
that you can't even cover a receiver anymore.
Or that was some shit defense.
I mean,
that's the second time in like three weeks I've seen at the end of a
fucking game,
let that Raiders Jets game.
Jets got the game one.
And then somehow a receiver is just all alone running down the fucking field
like some fat drunk who just decided to come on the field and grab the ball.
Like who the fuck is this guy?
Where did that guy come from?
So I don't know.
It was enjoyable to watch,
but it was bizarre to watch corners getting burned that bad and nobody even
addressed it.
They were so busy selling me how amazing these two quarterbacks were.
You know,
I guess Lamar rolled out.
So he bought the time for that guy to do it.
But I mean,
to watch two corners bump into each other like the fucking Keystone cops and to
see a guy all of a sudden be 15 yards away from the nearest guy in a Browns
uniform.
And it's just not addressed.
It's addressed for half a second.
That was a little frustrating.
But an exciting game nonetheless.
And let's take a look at the playoff picture.
Just what you guys need.
Yet another person.
Breaking down the NFL.
All right.
Here we go.
Here we go.
What do we got here?
Let's let's look.
Let's look at the NFC Central.
Very exciting division.
NFC NFL standings.
All right.
The AFC East.
Your Buffalo Bills with a commanding 10 and 3 lead.
10 and 3 record with a two game lead over the Miami Dolphins.
Great defense.
You know, we'll see what happens there.
But I would have to say that the Bills got this one.
Patriots 6 and 7, man.
You know, this is huge for us.
We got we got to win out.
We have not had a losing season season in 20 years.
The poor Jets, man.
Oh, and 13.
They should be one in 12.
How the fuck do you let that guy get behind you?
I'll tell you how you do it.
You lose 10 other games and you learn how to lose.
AFC West, Kansas City Chiefs.
12 and 1.
Who evidently have the greatest offense anybody's ever seen, which is amazing
to me because I guess they weren't.
They just started watching football in the