Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-7-21
Uploaded: 2021-01-08T19:19:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-7-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-7-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-08. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-7-21

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it is time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you.
Just checking in to see how you're doing during this crazy week. Oh, my God,
can you believe what happened?
I've got to be honest with you. As much as people are always saying, like, oh,
my God, what has happened to the world?
I can't believe, can you believe, this is crazy. Did you watch that today? Isn't
that crazy?
Could you believe how crazy that was? I'm afraid to look out my window, right?
This is like when they just watched the Weather Channel and they said that
something's been upgraded to a tropical storm.
Forget about the shit show that happened yesterday. And I have to be honest
with you, as much as I downplay shit, I can't even pretend here.
What I saw yesterday, I don't even have words for. Those uniforms that the
Miami Heat wore against the Boston Celtics, I have to tell you, I thought that.
The tube went out on my TV. Like, I'm old enough to remember when the tube went
out, like, that's what the fucking picture looked like.
I thought I was losing my eyesight. I mean, I'm not trying to divide the
country here.
I love the Miami Vice, Miami Heat logo at the center court. I thought that was
cool as shit.
I love Miami. I love that city and all of that shit. But they went too far.
Something needed to give. OK, if you're going to do the Miami Heat, Miami Vice
thing.
OK, and this isn't a liberal or a fucking conservative point here.
I'm just trying to be I'm trying to be like right down the middle here.
OK. If you're going to do that and you're going to do the baseline floor, you
got to go more muted colors for the team.
But when the center court logo and all around the fucking the painted area into
the out of bounds and then you have the uniforms match, it was.
That was a lot to look at.
And I have to say that as an American during a pandemic.
I can't believe how tone deaf the Miami Heat organization is to have them come
out.
In those uniforms that I just think fly in the face.
OK, of everybody who's ever fought for this country and eventually played in
the NBA.
And, you know, if I was the president of the Miami Heat right now, I would be
calling everybody in my my publicist wing trying to get some sort of apology.
Because I feel as a basketball fan watching the NBA, that NBA game, I feel like
I'm owed an apology because I was triggered.
OK.
Oh, and by the way, some jerk offs broke into the.
What is it? What is it called? The Capitol building?
What I was waiting for was.
For CNN or Fox News or the Huffington Post or any one of these fucking jerk off,
phony fucking journalists.
Nowadays, people to accept some of their level of responsibility in fanning the
flames that led to that.
And I just want to say once and lastly, once and for all, if you watch CNN or
if you watch Fox News to get your news, you are a fucking jerk off.
All right.
You're not watching the news.
OK, even when I was a kid, you really weren't watching the news.
You were watching a version of whatever they had censored.
Who the fuck knows what's going on?
But the level that they are taking it to now and how much CNN, Fox News, Huffington
Post, all of these fucking people have divided the country.
OK, and then all you mouth breathing morons who go on social media and talk
about politics and shit.
You are.
Adding.
Fuel to the fire that leads to this bullshit.
And if you're on the left and you watched what happened yesterday and you think
that that's what somebody on the right is like, that is an example of the
average person on the right.
You're a fucking moron.
The same way if you're on the right and you look at the left and you see these
fucking idiots.
Some of these loudmouth Hollywood idiots out here and some of the shit that
comes out of their mouth, that that's what the average liberal thinks.
You're also a fucking moron.
But.
That's how the world is.
Now, I haven't said that.
Let's just have some fun with this here.
I love I only saw a couple of clips.
Because I had a Celtics game to watch.
And I realized that ninety nine point nine percent of of my fellow Americans
weren't at the Capitol building yesterday.
So I have no problems with liberals.
I have no problems with conservatives.
I know sometimes people don't agree.
But I don't look at that yesterday like those are, you know, that those.
Did you see the guy who clearly went to an Army Navy surplus store and bought
himself a G.I.
Joe costume with and he kept his civilian backpack that looking like a fat G.I.
Joe going in with his dumb ass helmet.
And then you got to give it up to the fucking guy there with the the the
Buffalo Sabre fan there, Buffalo Bill fan with the big horns.
And that guy's immediately a legend.
And I feel like he branded himself.
For the rest of his life, he gets to be like, I'm the guy who sat where Tip O'Neill
used to nod off and Nancy Pelosi and who I don't know anybody else who's been
speaker of the fucking house.
He sat right there.
And I just feel like for the rest of his life, he can go to swap meets and sign
autographs five bucks a whack and he's going to be good.
You know, and, you know, the way the bankers have this thing run, I'm happy for
that guy.
Good for him.
Other than that, I didn't watch a fucking second of it.
And, you know, I got my conservative friends right now.
You know, the footage didn't add up.
There was Antifa there that the fucking idiots look like who follow politics.
I swear to God, they just like I just texted him.
I go, you guys, you guys are like sports fans.
You know what I mean?
Where everybody just like you see all the fouls the other team's doing, but you
don't see the one that you're doing.
It's just fucking I can't talk to people like that.
I really I really can't.
You know what I mean?
It's like the same fucking assholes who worship Obama and act like he didn't
fucking sit there drone bombing playgrounds and weddings.
I mean, the guy is a war criminal the same way George W. was.
They're all fucking war criminals working for bankers and oil companies.
That's what the fuck they're doing.
All right.
The same people that are holding Obama's feet to the fire won't hold Bush's
feet to the fire and vice versa.
And then that stupid phone conversation comes out and all Trump people like,
well, you know, there's context.
You got it.
We got to hear the whole conversation.
And then people in the liberal.
Oh, my God.
How come you don't fucking arrest this guy?
And literally Obama could have been on the phone saying the exact same fucking
thing.
And the fucking idiots would flip.
And I can't deal with it anymore.
So what I do is I just lose myself.
In old movies and I still watch sports and that type of thing.
So the latest thing.
Somebody told me to watch.
Somebody told me to watch.
The fuck is it?
The.
What the hell was it called?
It was another one of these art dealer movies.
This thing.
You got to see it.
It's fucking.
It's kind of sad.
What's really sad is I can't find the fucking email.
Not the email.
The text message.
I just had it.
I just had it.
Where are you?
I give up.
I give up with these goddamn fucking phones.
Do you guys afraid to like erase text threads with people?
You know, it's almost like you need evidence in case they fucking go nuts.
Later on, try and claim something.
Okay.
I watched this thing called the price of everything.
And it had to do with like the whole art world and how.
They come up with the prices of things.
And there's this one woman who's in it that you just have to see.
Because she's sort of on the business side of it.
And she talks so passionately about these fucking paintings.
And it takes about a third of the movie in before you realize like she's not
talking about the painting.
She's talking about what it's worth.
Because if you really listen to her talking about the paintings, it's so
fucking surface.
And just sort of just saying what she's heard other people say.
My favorite thing that she says, she goes, I mean, look at this here.
I mean, this is just a masterpiece.
And it was like a little doxhound dog.
Looked like it was running the way they'd drawn it.
She goes, I mean, look at that dog.
I mean, that's the way it's moving.
I mean, that's like a masterpiece.
And like, I love dogs.
I have a dog.
Like, that's what she said about it.
And it's just like, you don't know shit about that painting.
You don't know why it's good or why it isn't good.
You just know people fucking like it and it's worth a lot of money.
So you're saying it is a fucking masterpiece.
But the second people walk away from it and they're not into that artist
anymore, you're going to walk away too.
That's kind of what I learned.
It was like, I always thought that the music business was the most fucking
brutal.
And then just looking at the art world, it's now seeming like, you know, it's
even worse.
Where I feel like even like in the music world, there are bands that are so
legit that they can stay around.
And then you have other like people that go the pop star slash boy band route.
Where I feel like painters all have to deal with the boy band thing.
Like I saw in this, one of the documentaries, like Jean-Michel Basquiat,
however the fuck you say his name.
And Andy Warhol got together and made paintings together.
And then they had a showing and they got completely trashed by the critics.
They said they're both washed up and I guess they're both trying to cling to
each other now.
That's what they said.
And they didn't sell any paintings.
And then in the next year, Andy died.
And the year after that, Jean-Michel died.
And now those paintings that everybody says were shit are now worth like a
hundred million dollars.
So what the fuck?
The fuck do you do with that?
What in the fuck do you do with that?
And they have to exist in that goddamn world.
So I don't know.
If you're into that type of shit, I will tell you something hilarious.
So this person I know that's really into art and stuff like that, which I've
never been into.
I just never been into it.
But I started watching this stuff and it kind of made me like curious about it.
So this person tells me, says, you know, here in L.A.
they have a museum that has the biggest collection of Jean-Michel Basquiat
paintings.
And the name of the fucking museum is called the Broad.
But it's spelled B-R-O-A-D.
So I said to my wife, I was like, you know, they got, you know, when this
fucking pandemic, if it ever ends, we should go over.
You know, they got this the greatest collection in the country of Jean-Michel
paintings down the street at the Broad.
I called it the Broad because that's how it was written.
I thought it meant like broad, like I was like, wow, that's kind of weird.
That you call a museum the Broad, you know, but then I thought, well, maybe it
means like they have a broad variety of artists.
And my wife laughed at me for like fucking 10 minutes.
Going, it's not the Broad fucking meathead, it's the Broad.
So that just becomes another running joke in our relationship.
So someday, you know, I'm going to take her out to lunch, you know, and bring
her over to the Broad.
And I'll look at a bunch of paintings that I don't understand.
But what I do understand is I understand the way those painters are treated.
You know, I get that.
I'm like, oh, yeah, this is this is still show business.
This is a little harder, hardcore version of this.
It's the same old fucking shit.
It's really fascinating, though.
So anyway, plowing ahead, my daughter started school this week.
And that was an amazing thing.
And it was kind of funny.
Both me and my wife had different levels of anxiety.
About it.
Like when we dropped her off at school, she didn't cry.
Like some kids were having like meltdowns, I guess, or whatever.
And my daughter was totally cool.
We were like, all right, see you later, buddy.
And she goes in there.
And as we drive away, you know, my wife got emotional and everything.
I was like, she