Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-25-21
Uploaded: 2021-02-25T22:25:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-25-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-25-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-25. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-25-21

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before
Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. Just checking
in to see
how your week's going. We're coming out of it, man. I can feel it. Restaurants
are starting to
open up. People sitting together, breathing out of each other. But maybe they
got vaccine,
vaccine, vaccinated. Maybe they got vaccinated. I have no idea.
I just know that I'm up soon. I'm up soon. And it's like, what are you going to
go with the
vaccine? You're going with Coke or Pepsi? You're going to go Johnson and
Johnson or fucking
Freddie got fingered, whatever the fuck the other one's called. Let's look up
now. Let's just let's
just add to the misinformation out here. Let's have a non fucking almost said
chemist, non vaccine
person. Johnson. Johnson and Johnson. Do you know that they've that company was
sold a long
time ago, but the kids that are all relatives of the first Johnson and Johnson,
they still
get fucking money and they sit around like fucking just raking it in. You know,
every time you got
a bunion, they make they make enough money to buy another canvas to put on
their easel and pretend
they know how to paint, you know, some giant mansion out on Long Island. I
forget. It's a long story.
All right. Johnson and Johnson vaccine verse the Pfizer on suffizer. Yeah. Once
you will take
it and you will be all right with the Fiora. All right. Pfizer versus Johnson
and Johnson. Same
sex couple versus the Fiora. Let's. Okay. Comparing three COVID-19. This is the
first one that comes
up and it's on stat news.com. And it's in the health comparing the COVID-19
vaccines developed by
Pfizer, Moderna, Moderna and Johnson and Johnson fucking deal with it. We're
here. We're queer. We're
staying together. Um, in an ideal world, a pandemic vaccine could be delivered
in a single shot. So
supplies could be stretched to cover a lot of people. Oh yeah, that would be
ideal. You'd only
have to take it once. It would trigger no side effect more significant than a
sore arm. It would
be easy to ship and store soon. It seems this ideal of the COVID-19 vaccine
will be in, will be within
reach. Last Friday, Johnson and Johnson, we support you announced that a one
dose vaccine being developed
by its vaccine division. Janssen pharmaceuticals had been, this is making me
some of these names,
man. Let's take me back to world war two and what they tried to do. That had
been shown to be 66%
protective against moderate to severe COVID infection in a multicultural multi-country
study. But
importantly, it was 85% effective in preventing against severe disease. And
there was no
hospitalizations or death among the people in the vaccine arm of a large
clinical trial.
Overall, FSC varied a bit geographically. You know what? I'm not reading this.
That's too much
brain power for this time in the morning. Hey, let's talk about the Celtics. I'm
going to get mine in
March is what I'm going to do. And I'm just going to wait, you know, see if
anybody from February and
January had any weird side effects. I'm just, that's what I'm going to do. I'm
doing it for you young
people. I'm going to use myself as a guinea pig. I might as well, right? I
still smoke the occasional
cigar. I did plenty of damage to my liver. I love all these people. I'm not
taking the fucking vaccine
and they're sitting eating fucking ho-hos and TV dinners like they're not
already poisoning themselves.
Yeah, but here's the difference. I decide. I decide what toxins I put in my
body.
This is my temple. And if I want to spray graffiti all over the inside, that's
going to be my choice.
Um, all right. People, it's Black History Month. So as a white person, I think
I need to confess
about something. This is how white I am. Last night I was watching the Celtics,
of course,
right there, a really white thing to do. Um, and they're playing the Atlanta
Hawks, right? So I'm
sitting there and I'm watching the game. I turned it on like the third quarter.
I got a little busy
and, uh, we were getting the shit kicked out of us. We were down by like 20.
Battle to the end as all Celtic teams do. And, uh, I'm watching it. And at one
point,
somebody on our team fouled one of the Hawks, right? And the Hawks go to line.
First of all,
I put the fucking game on and it's the NBA. Now it's like, you know, the Celtics
are green and white.
They're wearing like gray and green. And the Atlanta Hawks are like red, white,
and yellow.
And they're wearing like all black. And then somebody's got like lime green
sneakers on. It's
just like the colors are just out the fucking window. I just think now they're
just like, listen,
we got the graphics. So you know who the fuck's playing. And then we're just
going to create 97
jerseys. So, you know, some, so all of our jerseys will match all the different
colors of all the
Jordan once that's, that's my thing, but I'm an old guy. So I, I still go by
colors.
My eyesight is bad. I can't fucking read, you know, at a distance or even up
close. I mean,
I'm there. I'm, I'm a fucking mess. So I'm sitting there and I'm watching the
game.
So one of the Celtics follows, follows one of the Hawks. So the hot guy goes to
the line and they do
a closeup of them, like a three quarter shot, not to get a little Hollywood,
but that's what it was
basically, you know, from about mid chest up. And I see on his Jersey, it said
MLK.
And in my white brain, I was going like, wait, they're playing Milwaukee.
I thought they were playing Atlanta. And then I looked and I saw on the thing,
it's like Celtics
first Atlanta. I was like, I was like, oh, black history month, Martin Luther
King.
It's a bad, that's how fucking white I am. Cause you know, sometimes Atlanta
has like ATL.
So I thought Milwaukee was trying to be cool. Like, do you remember like in the
2000s,
there was that horrible time where everybody tried to give their city a
nickname, like Pittsburgh
became the Berg? Cleveland was the land and the one of the worst ever Boston. I
remember you ever
get emails, Hey Bill, when are you coming up to the bean? Oh, I'm so glad that
seemed like that faded away.
Anyway. So I thought that that's what Milwaukee was doing. I thought that they
were stealing from
Atlanta. Cause you know, Atlanta is basically considered a really cool place.
There's all the,
all the rap stars there, hot Lana, all the beautiful women, all of this. I mean,
it's a fucking fun place to go to. Right. So, and then, you know, who gets
excited about Milwaukee?
I do. I get excited about Milwaukee cause I'm super white. I love Milwaukee. It's
like Chicago without
all the people. You can still get a wonderful home right on Lake Michigan and
not have to deal with
all the fucking prices down there in Chicago. And you're close enough. If you
want to go to Chicago,
you know, you want to get, you know, you spend a little money for a fucking SUV
ride all the way
down there and you're good to go. So anyways, my apologies, my apologies. I
actually, I told that
story to like three comedian friends that I knew. I, of course, called Keith
Robinson and I had to let
him know. And he, oh my God, he read me the riot act. I don't have the message
on me, but there was so
many get it together. Bill is what he kept saying to me. So anyway, um, Celtics
lost another one. So
we've lost to the Pelicans. We blew up a 20 something point lead. Then we lost
to the maps.
Um, and then we lost to the Hawks. Um, and I got to tell you, this is becoming
one of those times
where asshole sports writers from the East coast, what they love to do is fuck
over the local home
team because they don't care about the local home team. They pretend like they
do. But if you look
at a lot of them, they're not from that area. So they're just writing sports
shit. So their job is
to stir shit up and try to find controversy where there is no controversy. And
then they try to like,
you know, sell papers or get people to read their fucking blog. So I'm starting
to feel like there's
going to be people start asking like, is Brad Stevens the guy? He is the guy.
And I'm calling it right
now the Celtics in the next five years are going to win a title three or five
years. They're going to
win a title. Um, and I have faith in Danny Ainge and Brad Stevens. It's just
right now. We're just
going through a rough patch, just like in life. You know, sometimes you go
through a little bit of a
rough patch, but you know, you don't just fucking quit and join the fucking
warriors, you know, or join the
the Yankees and send David Wells to the fucking Toronto. And then you start
riding around like,
you know, like you just did something. Sorry. Um, yeah, you write it out. You
write it out. Um,
anyway, so I've been reading this book, uh, the verbally abusive relationship
and how to recognize
it. It's something like that. And I gotta be honest with you, man. I picked up
this book,
um, being like, all right, when I read this book, I'm just going to be like,
yup. I know that person.
This is this person in my life. And when I was a kid, yup. Yup. That checks all
the boxes.
I'm a victim. Right. And I read that thing and all I'm seeing is me.
Um, yeah, I do a lot of the shit in there. I don't do it as bad as the people
before me,
but I still fucking do it. So I, uh, it's really been this, uh, amazing book to
read.
And like, you know, like whenever you, I, we did an episode about this on
efforts for family where you,
where, when you, when you, um, say you confront somebody about some bullshit
they did to you.
Right. And, you know, and you waited a while because, you know, you didn't know
how to maybe
do it in the moment or you didn't even understand how fucked up it was. And
then you got some more
information or somebody told you a story where something happened to them and
what they did.
And all of a sudden you're like, holy shit, that happened to me. And I didn't
say anything.
So by the time you come to them, what do they always say? What? I never did
that.
Or like, oh, that was just a joke. Oh, you're too sensitive.
I didn't realize that that was being like abusive because then you're like gaslighting
the other
person. So one of the things that I, I realized that I do is like, my wife will
be talking about,
you know, being in show business and stuff and how difficult it is and, and
that they don't let
you do this and they don't let you do that. And whenever I hear that, it makes
me upset.
I'm just like, well, that's like the wrong way to look at this shit. They don't
let me do this.
They don't let me do it. Fuck them. Fuck everybody. Just go do what you want to
do
and just keep doing it. And if it's good, people will notice, they'll come
there. And when they
come there, everybody else will have to fucking deal with you. You know, stop
fucking sitting
there like whining and shit. Right. It's me trying to be uplifting.
So for years she told me, she goes, well, not, not everybody is wired like you.
And, um, and I was like, I wasn't wired like me when I came in, you know, I
fucking, you know,
I learned to be like that. Right. And I kind of realized by reading this book,
it was just like,
well, I wasn't like letting other people
go on the same journey. It's just like, I already figured it out over 30 years
in this business.
Get to where I am now or quit your whining, you know, being like that. So
interestingly enough,
last and then he has been watching this show on PBS where they take all these
famous people,
people in the public eye, socialites, what have you, whatever the fuck you call
them.
And, um, they, they do like their, their DNA thing to find out like, you know,
about their ancestry. Right. So I'm watching it last night and it was funny.
Like they had this,
this, uh, this white dude, I forget what his name. I don't, I'm not gonna
remember anybody's name.
Right. So he's sitting there and the guy, the host, African-American guys
reading them all this
shit and he's just going like, wow. Oh man, that's