Name: Monday Morning Podcast 3-15-21
Uploaded: 2021-03-20T17:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 3-15-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 3-15-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-20. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 3-15-21

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
uh march 15th what's going on how are you how's it going oh billy freckles
jamming too much into one friggin day knocking out the podcast here and then i'm
gonna go run
out and do a spot because i got that um i got that that tour coming up that one
shot tour of uh i'm
doing from somebody's fucking garage out here in california that's going to be
broadcasted
to new zealand in australia i'm very excited about that but i'm also very
excited to not
bomb on it so i have to make sure i do a bunch of spots and get ready for the
thing and overall
it's been a positive response that this is what i'm doing but still there's
always like negative
people like girl why don't you make it available for fucking everybody it's
just like
do you really mean that's isn't that why don't that's not what you're saying
what you're really
saying is why don't you make it available for me because you wouldn't give a
fuck if somebody in
sri lanka it's one of my favorite fucking just countries to pull out of nowhere
um you don't
give a shit whether they can see the show or not do you it's always somebody
who's got a fucking
complaint and coming from someone who complains for a living you know i
probably got a lot of nerve
whatever i'm getting ready to do this so i'm gonna do a spot tonight and uh i
got some shit that i want
to work out um i'm fucking tired because they did the stupid um was the time
change thing fucking moves
forward it's just the worst i already woke up early because i had a bunch of
shit i had to do today but i
knocked everything out everything's on the other side i'm very happy about that
the celtics
um did their thing against houston beat the shit out of them the way they
should have like 130 to
fucking i don't know 108 or something like that dropped 130 points on them i
missed the game
i'm very happy about that uh went out on a date with my lovely wife on saturday
night say
do why don't you come over and say
um we went out got some dinner dinner and uh you know that's the big thing now
you can eat outside
you can eat outside as more and more people
are getting vaccinated i just i love all the fucking misinformation out there
man jesus christ
everybody just flying around do you know i'm all over the map right now sorry
people i had a long
fucking day um i gotta make sure i don't forget to say this but uh marvin haggler
marvelous marvin
haggler haggler unfortunately passed away and um
he he was my favorite boxer when i was growing up and i absolutely loved that
middleweight division
um haggler hearns duran and leonard i mean you just you had to be there then
they had alexis
arguello they had all of these other divisions just with all these champs you
know what i mean
it was pre-tyson so larry holmes was the heavyweight champ and you know as much
as he was knocking
dudes out like people came in you're like what's gonna happen here is he gonna
win is he gonna lose
it wasn't like when tyson came in oh tyson's gonna fucking kill him but that
middleweight division
and they all fought each other you know
mo a lot of them multiple times i know uh
uh leonard fought duran twice leonard fought fucking hearns twice
um
fought haggler once and haggler retired after that but like marvin haggler was
just
he was just my favorite favorite you know he was out of brockton massachusetts
and uh i loved the shaved head i just thought he was a badass you know and um
i was so upset that he passed away only 66 years old
and um the greatest fight that i saw in the 80s was him versus uh
tommy hearns i'll never forget that and i believe there was a kid i went to
high school with
that went to that fight um and it was just people were just standing up
what was it two and a half rounds got into round three and then that was it
and uh what i loved about tommy hearns was
he wanted to mix it up
he was in this incredible fighter where he was so much taller so he really
could have stayed on
the outside if he wanted to and one of the most brutal knockouts i ever fucking
saw was when hearns
knocked out duran jesus christ i thought he fucking killed he hit him and duran
just went
straight down um
but you could kind of draw him into a fight and i felt like uh
that's what hagler did in that i know i did just i just talked about this and
maybe i talked about it
on the tyson podcast or whatever but um rest in peace to him man um
an absolute just a champ total class act and um i also thought the way that he
left he never he never
came back you know came back years later and you had to watch some you know
you know when somebody when fighters come back and they're too fucking old and
you're just like oh man
you know nobody likes seeing that you don't want to see somebody you love come
back and take a beating
his last fight was an epic fight um i loved him too much to be uh not biased on
it i mean i thought
he won it um but it was a super super close fight and um i don't know i really
think in a lot of ways
that the judges maybe were like well if we give it to leonard hagler's gonna
want a rematch and we can
all get fucking paid again the filthy game of boxing who knows but um so
anyways he he passed away
and i was reading all these great comments about him and then some fucking
idiots like oh he he took
the vaccine that's why he died like literally everything is about that shit now
and somebody
told me you know i'm gonna try to get the shot tomorrow the first one right and
the somebody said
the uh the ceo of pfizer hasn't fucking taken it yet and then i look it up
going on because
then i got nervous and i look it up it's like yeah we don't want to jump the
line all right now look
i'm a conspiracy theorist too but like um if you really think that they're
going to try to kill
all of us with this just think about that just think about that and then they're
going to be alive
and there's going to be what six billion dead bodies like the fucking disease
that that work
who's going to bury all of them you think these fucking illuminati rich people
know how to drive
a bulldozer and start digging holes all right as much as they don't like us
they need us alive to
do all this that they don't want to do so i don't think they would just
randomly just start killing
people um and i'm not buying i don't buy in any of this stupid internet poor
anymore anything on the
internet can just i don't i don't give a anymore right i don't give a so i'm
gonna do it i'll
be the guinea pig for you guys so um anyway i go out with my my lovely wife on
saturday night
right and uh
you know we're sitting out on the street went to this place right off on ventura
boulevard
um which really doesn't mean anything in la because all of the streets just go
for
fucking nine zillion miles and uh like you can get on you can get off of your
street get on the highway
and then drive 20 miles get off the highway and all of a sudden cross and be
like oh they got
you know you got a mainstream down here totally it's the same one
it's fucking long long ass fucking roads out here so anyway we're on off of
ventura boulevard
and it was uh saturday night so there was these these goddamn punk kids out
there with their loud cars
jesus christ there is a epidemic epidemic of cars that are not that fast with
really loud exhausts
i was on the highway the other night this guy in like a dodge charger or
something the
fucking noise this guy was making and i was driving 61 miles an hour because i
kept looking down
he went by me and i'm just
look like he was going 68 and i could hear his car and see his car for like
another three minutes i just
kept laughing to my wife going he's right there that car making all that noise
the one that went by that
sounded like a fucking you know an f18 and i'm supposed to be like wow you got
a fast car sorry i can still
see you um i don't know what that is about i when i was a kid if a car was like
loud it meant it had
horsepower and it would go flying by and it would scare the out of you and then
you're like where the hell
is it now it's just i don't know they have these um they make they make these i
don't know these exhaust
systems make it sound like your car is fast so we were um we were sitting
outside to eat and these
fucking kids just kept coming by flying by it was kind of funny because it was
really
fucking up the meal and that really is you know it's what you get when you eat
outside so i definitely
saw the humor in it but uh i saw the humor but i did not see the speed so any
of you youngsters out
there want to tell me what what is that about i'm gonna look that up right now
there's something going
on all right let me see here right now oh first of all here's this this the pfizer
and see pfizer
ceo albert borla said he hasn't received his company's coveted vaccine shot yet
telling cnbc that he and
the other executives will not cut the line the vaccine which pfizer developed
in partnership with
the german-based bio and tech is the first to be authorized for emergency use
uh to prevent covet 19 um
he hasn't got the vaccine yet bill gates pfizer plan blah blah blah i'm sure if
i looked at all the
comments everybody has figured it out from their fucking one bedroom apartment
but i'm not gonna
read those things i'm gonna i'm gonna get it fuck it all right fuck it fuck it
because if they are
trying to kill everybody uh i'm gonna be the first in line for them to do it
because i don't want to be
like i don't want to live in the world after that and then you got to sit there
and act like it didn't
happen and all rights have been taken away what are you having your own
thoughts maybe you need the vaccine
you need to be re-educated um all right does a loud
exhaust
mean it's faster
loud exhaust can sometimes increase engine power your car may sound nicer this
is subjective by the
way but louder exhaust does don't necessarily translate into more power yeah
that's that's
what i'm seeing out there i mean i would think that yeah horsepower does you
know i've never understood
how getting a better exhaust system i've read up on it i just still don't get
it i don't understand how
it can give you a couple extra horses but um at the end of the day i always
thought it was about the
engine and then fucking you know power to weight ratio was the big thing i know
that the exhaust system
is like a part of it but i gotta tell you the amount of loud ass fucking cars
that are going nowhere
fucking nowhere um i wonder what those because there is something like uh i do
find fascinated about
that because what i've really learned about myself is i am a i'm an introvert
um despite my job i like when i just you know fuck off that's my you know not
fuck off it's just sort of
like i i like being alone and when i go in some place i don't need everybody to
know that i'm there
so when i see extroverts i find them fascinating and the only thing better than
one extrovert is a
bunch of them all trying to outdo each other so they all have these loud cars
so you just sit there
looking at it and i always just wonder what do they think that everybody else
is thinking
do they think like wow man that guy is cool because what always ends up
happening is when they
after they go by is everybody just looks and just laughs like
that how fucking stupid it is so anyway we were sitting there and um you know
it's the usual day
you go on with the woman you know once you're in a relationship um oh my god
what's his face did a
fucking hilarious bit on this uh uh brett ernst did a bit on this and i i lived
his bit where when
you sit down with the woman and they do this thing where they go you know i can't
decide if between the
burger or the fish it's like i love both of them i just can't decide what are
you gonna get
well obviously i'm gonna order one of those two things whatever you don't get
and you know
and then afterwards she's like how'd you like the fish i was like i didn't
you know i just didn't i didn't i wasn't i