Name: Monday Morning Podcast 3-22-21
Uploaded: 2021-03-22T18:42:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 3-22-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 3-22-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-22. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 3-22-21

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
uh fucking march 22nd 2021 you know i think it was about a year ago that i was
telling everybody
to relax it was gonna be 14 to 18 days everybody just fucking stay inside all
memories like the
freckles on my dick um um oh billy got vaccinated i won't suffice up did you
jump the line you pasty
fucking cocksucker um yes and no yes and no um i guess i i wasn't i think they
now open it up to um
to entertainers although they didn't they weren't entertaining that in northridge
like i said when
i went up there we were like yeah we're entertainers like yeah we don't give a
shit but they said on the
website the website and us are two different things even though they're
connected to us
all right thank you always wanted to see this parking garage goodbye um
no it was the end of the day at a uh at a drug store and my buddy had just got
vaccinated down
there and he said they got two left and they throw them out at the end of the
day
can you get down here i was like i can't get down there until fucking i there's
no fucking way i can
get all the way down there from my house at this hour oh yeah that's crazy talk
and then he talked to
the lady god bless her she said i'll hang around i don't want to throw them out
it's a waste so i said
fuck it and i called up another comic buddy of mine who will remain nameless
and uh we you know i said
hey you know we got to get down there in like an hour he goes oh that's a rough
one um no it wasn't
rodney dangerfield he's passed away we so we drove down there and it was like
fucking two seconds we
walked in ladies like hello and we're like hello she was cool as shit gave it
to us and i i felt fine
my arm was a little sore but only for like you know about 16 hours that was it
it was like getting any
other fucking shot it's like getting any other shot and now i feel great and i
get my next one in a
couple of weeks and uh you know there's there's there's you know there's like
no nothing to worry
about you know i feel i feel the exact i feel exactly the same way what you
guys do if i slowly
lost my mind i feel exactly the same way i did before so if you're fucking
nervous um i can tell you
that pharmaceutical companies shot something into me about 48 hours ago and i
feel i feel fine
so there you go isn't that all you need 48 hours but you know us gingers you
know they say that you
know don't they say that we can take more pain something like that some that's
some of those internet
fucking things i remember reading that i'm like that isn't true i get cold
before anybody else
i always need to put a jacket on i mean it doesn't help that there's no roof
left on the house over
here um so anyway yeah i did it i feel good about it and uh i everybody i know
is basically wanting to do
it now i don't know what's going on in fucking uh flat earth world and i don't
care
and uh i don't i don't know why they have to it's just why does the news insist
on showing the dumbest
versions of everything they just they just cannot fucking they just rubber it's
just rubbernecking
okay i am you know it was a group of people that were all protesting they're
sick of staying inside
you know which is fucking hilarious it's like you know we don't want to stay
inside so we're basically
going to do the behavior that's making everybody stay inside right okay so they're
more there's
always morons you know i'm a moron but why fucking show that let's try to spin
it positive man
um i think uh i think we're going to be all we're all going to be good enough
people are going to get
it and then it's just going to burn itself out and but then again i was wrong
this time last year so
take all this with a grain of salt and this whole fucking boogeyman of like it's
mutating and blah
blah blah i think they'll that they'll get that under wraps pretty quick you
know what i mean it's like
we just took out its brother we we we know what we know what this fucking thing
is now and uh having
never really done any scientific background i i feel i'm confident i am
confident with my lack of
scientific i just want it to be better that's it all right things are coming
back moto gp is back
that's wrong song um i haven't watched the race yet let me see if they posted
it the fucking races
come on at like you know i don't know like three four o'clock in the morning
and i gotta get my beauty
sleep there let's see here moto gp let's see if it's up they were in qatar qatar
qatar you never thought
they could take it that far uh moto sports that's not what i wanted i think f1
is coming back to
moto gp dot com
all right let's see okay no no that's not what i want that's not what i want i'm
trying to avoid
i go to calendar it's still view results fuck
oh wait that's just the official test one shakedown official test official test
oh the official grant oh okay okay i guess it doesn't start till next week
march 28th cannot wait
mark marquez is back the king the reigning king is back and um i want to see
all last year because
last year he broke his humerus and um he came back the next race and then had
to shut it down
i mean he's fucking amazing got back that quick but he made the really smart
move
in the long run i obviously to take the fucking year off so then there was all
these other people
maverick vignales and all of that shit um that were able to uh
fab i'll see if i remember the name fabio quatararo all of these people mark
marquez's brother
whatever the hell his name is alex van halen marquez and uh they all stepped up
and won races and or
came close and all of that type of stuff so i don't know i think being the
leader of the pack and all of
that stuff gives you a little bit of uh swagger and it's going to be
interesting to see when he comes
back if everybody falls back in line like when when mickey rock came back to
town and rumble fish
or they all kind of like hey old man things have changed around here you know
it's gonna be fun to
see i think i like to think um so anyway um i got i got two spots tonight i did
uh two shows friday
i'm getting ready because next weekend i'm out at the rose bowl the granddaddy
of them all
i'm doing some stand-up out there for the comedy store and they're hoping that
this is their last
outdoor show that they're going to be doing and um i'm looking forward to doing
that it's gonna be like
500 cars um i'm really excited about that and then the next day i do my new zealand
australia
zoom show hopefully my last one of those and i'm gonna fucking go off on that
one like i have been
lately i just been saying all this crazy shit and been having fun going up in
front of really young
crowds i'm telling you i'm loving this new generation of kids um the generation
right behind the poor put-upon millennials who they just made them have to care
about everything
it's gonna be funny to watch millennials in their midlife crisis
you know and rather than getting like a toupee and if you know they'll probably
cure
baldness by them but whatever uh and getting a fucking corvette convertible
i think it's just gonna be them just like not giving a fuck
and just being like edgy like the new thing will be like in their 40s like edgy
fucking comics or some shit i don't know it's gonna have to that energy the fun
that they
didn't let them have i feel like at some point you know you could only keep the
lid on that for so
long so i think the next version of girls gone wild will be just cougars in
their 40s
that are millennials that's my prediction um and a woman will direct it
okay so then it won't feel sexual assaulty and then all the women can say that
they're brave and
that they're taking ownership of their own breastises i think that that's what's
going to happen
okay but like i said a year ago this time i was really wrong um
so i've been uh studying my ass off for this uh instrument rating my pilot's
license and i got the
x-plane 11 setup with the fucking i got the uh i got the pedals i got
everything
and um i've been flying holding patterns and that type of shit and i kind of
have that down
i understand you know how to break up direct parallel and teardrop um the thing
i was working on today
and i was i just my whole scan just went out the fucking window was um ascending
and descending in
the pattern while not having my airspeed go up just gave me like you know fits
today jesus christ
you know you just want to make little little corrections little corrections and
i was like
i would get so focused on shit because you're supposed to just with your scan
right i think i've talked
about this enough just imagine you got your speedometer imagine if you had six
speedometers
except they're all telling you something different and you got your one main
one
and you're always looking at that one and then occasionally you look you know
you glance the one to the
right then go back to the main one and then lower right back to the main one uh
directly below
back to the main one lower left back to the main one uh just to the left back
to the main so
you're always looking at the main one and that main um attitude indicator once
you kind of lock
stuff in with with uh speed and everything you know how to maintain level
flight that's what the
gauge is showing you but then also when you do standard rate turns you know
where to put that needle
so you don't really have to look at your turn coordinator and as long as you
know where to
keep that ball you really don't have to look at your altimeter or your vsi and
you can almost
start to see it in your peripheral vision and then the lonely one the middle
child for me
is the uh airspeed indicator and now that i'm trying to ascend to descend or
whatever or even just
maintain my fucking altitude because i still haven't quite figured out how to
trim out this thing um
that's been a uh that's been a bear for me to figure out but uh i just do it
every single
fucking day for like a half hour and um i've been having a really good time and
i recently on a
simulator did my first ils approach um where it had the thing where i had to
keep the fucking dots right
on this on on the center of the hsi i'm in the sorry the attitude indicator and
all of that
shit and it's just like i felt like my fucking head was going to explode but
every time you do it
you know it's because you're behind the aircraft when you're when you're sort
of learning so then
you got to play catch up and then you do quick movements which causes more
fucking problems but
i've been watching all of these videos if you want to just get this scared out
of you
watch these videos and also as just a passenger it'll get you to stop
bitching about fucking commercial airline flights you know when you're landing
you know and they're
going through the clouds when you realize everything that these guys are
fucking men and women are doing
men and ladies gee the brave women that are up there right just not get in
trouble here bill um
you cannot fucking believe like everything that is going on the fact that they
get you on the
ground and in the meantime they have all of your lives in their hands is
fucking incredible
let me see this thing glider instrument
was it new zealand
see if i can find this oh my god i have one that you have to fucking watch look
up this is this is the
fucking this is the youtube video of the week that i want you guys to watch i
watched this fucking thing
and had my hand over my mouth like i was watching the fucking i don't know the
blair witch whatever
movie you found the scariest um these guys are in a glider and i don't know
what the
fuck they're doing but there's there's there's a hole in the clouds where they
can punch through
and they decide not to and they go further into the clouds and i hear the
instructor's voice start to get
panicked dude my fucking balls were pulling up into me okay you got to see this
called glider
imc which means instrument meteorological conditions which means you're
basically flying in the
the clou