Name: Monday Morning Podcast 4-19-21
Uploaded: 2021-04-19T21:22:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 4-19-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 4-19-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-19. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 4-19-21

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
april 19th 2021 what's going on how are you i don't know what just happened
with that monday
i started doing it i started thinking of robert plant and he's like john bonham
over the top top
like that was like some crazy effect that you could have back in the 1970s and
people back when lsd was
the real shit man none of these fucking happy mushrooms i figured myself out
man this was the
real shit the shit that made you think you could fly and you'd rip your
eyeballs out or whatever else
they used to tell you in those stupid student films which evidently was all
bullshit i never did acid
you ever drop acid uh why would i do that it kind of sounds like i wouldn't
want to do that to my
brain oh dude i fucking dropped acid back in 76 at a steve miller concert oh
the second he went into uh
boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop tick tock tick dude
i went back in time
and then what happened i got a job at home depot
i was one of the three people that they hired at one of their locations
i'm convinced that they have a minimum of six employees at each home depot
you know i bet there's a lot of like struggling actors that work at home depot
and then
they say they go like oh is this what fame is like i don't want to do this
like you know when you're going to home depot it's just like if there's anybody
with one of those
fucking aprons on like 40 people like oh my god where the fuck is this thing
excuse me excuse me
excuse me excuse me doing that as they're trying to talk to you and then you're
the person like i
found him first get away from me get away from me right like the fucking i don't
know i fucking hate
that place home depot is the fucking worst you know what you really need to do
if you're going to shop
at home depot you got to spend a week there by yourself and you yourself have
to figure out where
the fuck everything is so when you go in there you know what the fuck's going
on because if you want
help in that fucking motherfucker of a place just giant you know what even
makes you feel more lonely
in that place is how high the ceilings are
hello hello hello yeah yeah yeah
looking for a gasket gasket gasket
fucking worst um so anyway i had a i had a freaking great i had a great day i
had a great day
i had a great day yesterday um i was uh first of all it was the perfect day out
here and i was just
thinking wouldn't it be great if every day was like this then i realized if
every day was like that
then it'd just be like you know you'd get bored you'd be praying for an
earthquake or uh or a rainstorm
which is why heaven the concept of heaven has never made sense to me just every
day is just fucking
amazing ever forever you just walk around happy all the time there's the way
human beings are your brain
would just level off you know like when you're in them clouds you don't know
which way you're going
the equilibrium tells you upright when you ain't right you would be sitting
there just thinking like
after a while like you know and it's great it's great yeah it's great it's
fucking heaven it's amazing
fucking month in
ah and i tell you this every day every day it's gonna be like this everybody's
gonna have their
eyebrows up just walking around like oh my god this is so fucking great um
jeez that's a scary thought because the whole concept then when you start
thinking about that
the whole concept of forever is just like it just
it it seems worse than this shit because no matter what the fuck you're going
through in this life it's
gonna end at least it's gonna there is an ending to the movie
don't take that ending um
hardcore mash fans know why i just sang that theme song um you know that there's
a fucking ending
um
but with that shit there's like no ending
but then if you went to hell oh you're gonna burn me again well you know
hell hell well hell for some reason hell like i can picture that better
i don't know what that says about me i can picture just being tortured for the
rest forever
i don't know i just can't imagine
just fucking hanging out you know i'll say what you want about hell i bet there's
a lot of funny
bastards down there um making fun of the way you scream when you're in fire
versus them
the ball breaking would start and then the devil would get mad hey i said no
fuck down here oh dad's home
fucking what are you gonna do send me to hell again you fucking red cunt
hey man like why can't we all just sort of you know clean up down here and just
realize we all fucked up on earth and uh let's just make the best out of it
can you imagine that can you imagine if you unionized hell down there and
everybody just thought all right
i don't know but then you'd have like rapists and fucking pedophiles down there
you'd have to watch out for
that's a stupid idea that'd be like if you could somehow get everybody in a
jail if you were in prison
to all of a sudden just be cool to each other make everything else go away you
can't fucking do it
that'd be like uh get in the middle east everybody to settle down that'd be
like getting the corporations
actually do something right for the people rather than their own fucking wallets
and be like the nfl taking responsibility for the help of the players
sorry anyway i was trying to say it was a great day i i uh i went flying
yesterday with my my instructor
and um it was windy as shit and like 30 knot winds and he's like we'll be all
right we'll be all right
so 30 knot winds i uh i was actually faced the wrong way it was weird one wind
sock was blowing one way
one was blowing the other and the flag i usually look look at was not they didn't
have it up the pole
that day so i was like all right well we usually go this way and of course i
get in you know
i get in i turn on the fucking radios i listen to the atis and it says they're
going the other way
and i'm like all right well what are you gonna do lifted that fucker up nice
and straight slid out
went the other way and came around and the fucking you know when i took off
obviously under the wind
it wasn't bad but it was still bumpy but when i went crosswind and then went
downwind and the wind was
to my back um yeah that was pretty uh it's pretty intense it's pretty fucking
intense and uh the whole
day was really bumpy but the great day great thing about flying in that other
than the experience of
it is uh la is so clear on those days like um usually on days when it's good to
fly
just the haze that's out there everybody always thinks people mistake smog and
haze smog is brown
haze is haze everybody just because of la's reputation just thinks every day
like the air quality out here is
way better than it was back in the 70s and 80s when it was just like brown
outside so um
but on yeah it's just all the the people driving around the dust and all
literally like i might
even get into what i've realized what haze is it's also like yeah all the
people out here your skin
flakes off that gets in the air it's disgusting but it really is so anyway
mother nature blows it all out
at least that's what i heard that might be wrong i don't know mother nature
blows all of that out
right and uh yeah it's just dust dirt all of that the same that's in your house
just goes
up into the air so it's blown all away those are the days when they take you
know they hire
helicopters and then they do the touristy pictures of los angeles and those are
the days when you can see
downtown la and behind it you see snow-capped mountains and you're like how did
they take
downtown la and drop it in the middle of fucking utah what is this right it's
those days that they do it
so we flew um i did an instrument approach into uh santa monica and then i
transitioned along the beach
through la airspace at or below 150 which is the shit i'm gonna film that one
day for you guys just
to see what that's like on a beach day there's people on surfboards doing the
waving to you
you know crossing the arms over the head doing the like come rescue me shit um
you got to look out
for kites that's how low you are um and then you get on the other side the smokestacks
you come up
you get on with torrents we did uh some landings there on the uh the pad and uh
then we flew up near
hawthorne i got to see you know a little bit of the rams san diego chargers new
stadium which looks
just fucking incredible looks like a stingray that's like been swimming and
they took a picture
when it was flapping down it's fucking amazing um but that is in the bravo airspace
if you guys are
into this shit where all the big guys all the big boys land and ladies and they's
all right
fucking assholes before they try to get me in trouble um they all come in so
you go around that
and go up to 110 and uh it was so fucking by the time we got back the airport
that i flew out of the
wind gusts were up to 50 knots and we were like you know what fuck that and i
learned a really cool
thing you just call another airport which i guess i would have figured out if i
was soloing but this is
why i always still go with an instructor to keep learning on these new
experiences we just sat down
at another airport ubered back to the airport we took off from you know i'm
just paying the fee to
leave it there overnight and after my podcast i'm gonna go over today's a nice
calm day get up fly it
put it on the dolly and stick it back in the little fucking hangar but it was
fun as hell to get back up
there and um hadn't flown in a little over a week i got some work coming up uh
we're editing um
season five episodes for family and i just got a little busy doing that so
whenever i don't fly for
more than like four or five days i always end up just going up with an
instructor and gonna be like
all right let's go through this you know do some auto rotations and uh you got
to be humble man you
can't be thinking you know everything but uh i had a great time and listen to
this shit so i've been
listening to a lot of um i i always was fascinated about the uh the whole
session musician studio
musician scene that existed out here in la and hearing stories about how you
know i was talking
to a guy yesterday who was going oh man he goes i would have two or three
sessions a day
and then some guys were so good and needed so much that they had an open call
to drop into
these places to do jingles for like commercials for radio or for tv they just
had an open
fucking call um you know one of these days when this fucking thing clears up
vinnie call you to one of the greatest drummers of all time i'm gonna try to
get him on my podcast so
he can talk about i talked to him about it one time where he was he was the
drummer for the joan rivers
show he was doing all these sessions and had jingles and also toured and he
just was just constantly
playing drums and i just downloaded this album that he played on which is
really incredible
because i know that i heard this music before some sort of sports highlights or
um
or possibly the olympics i don't know if anybody recognizes this music here
it's not something i would normally listen to but i was listening to
let's see here let me just sort of fast forward through this part
let me see if i get to the beginning of this thing here we go wait
and the kansas city royals have turned a corner winning six of the last seven
thanks to willie wilson
the batter frank white and their closer dennis leonard right so it's like that
type of
shit so this album as crazy as that is like if you this bill mayers or meyers m-e-y-e-r-s
it's called
images you can get it on uh itunes and what's cool about this thing is they had
these things back then
these recordings it was straight to disc and what you had to do you had to
record i don't know if i
talked about this last podcast i can't remember you had to record the whole
album in one take
and if anybody fuck anytime anybody fucked up they had to start over again on
the first fucking song
so you know if you were gonna up up up in the very beg