Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning 9-2-21
Uploaded: 2021-09-05T18:12:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning 9-2-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning 9-2-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-05. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning 9-2-21

hey what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the thursday afternoon just
before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you i'm just swinging by to
see how you're doing
that's all i'm doing i'm not poking my head into your world to promote my own
stuff bill burn at
lennox city next week um i came by out of the goodness of my heart because i
care about you and
i want to make sure you're living your best life people is it me not to use a
stand-up setup from
30 years ago is it me or is there a lot of clothing out there that has like
life advice on it like
self-help you know like live fiercely
you know i was walking by this park today and down on the ground
the bottom of like this little fucking uh
i don't know what you call it like a jersey barrier
down by ground where like a homeless guy would pass out it says love life
first of all i don't like the fucking tone of that
love life it's like fuck you you know
who are you to tell me what to do i mean that's how fucked up i am that's how i
look at it i just
don't like i don't like the tone of it you could say it a lot more politely
you know
if you have the time
take a moment to try and love life
and then you wrote it down there where some homeless guy is going to be for
some homeless vet
or something's going to be fucking sleeping
love life you're outside
just how like oh i i just feel like it's uh
i just feel like it's self-serving
you know like i just think a fucking egomaniac wrote it like a narcissist wrote
it
like
they have they have
you know
they got everything all figured out
i know i'm going super negative on this and i don't give a shit
it's like shut the fuck up
like what fucking world are you living in
all right you just even there's people out there that are like clinically
depressed there's nothing they can fucking do about it then you walk around
with your dumb ass shirt
love life
you know i mean can you imagine that just walk around clinically depressed and
you got to sit there
and make peace with the higher power that why they decided to give you that
brain
with whatever that leak is in the chemicals that go into your fucking brain and
you got to walk around with these people with their stupid ass fucking t-shirts
you know like
what i love about it
is anybody can buy the fucking
the shirt
so you don't you don't have to like prove
that you're loving life
or prove that you've figured out life
that you now
have gained some sort of
i don't know what
credibility to give people advice
which i do on my podcasts all the time
all right i'm full of shit
it just it irks me
and i'm actually you wouldn't know it from this podcast
i really am enjoying my life
probably for the first time
in a long
i don't know
since back when i was a kid and all the bullshit happened right
i actually uh yeah
kind of cut all the cancers out
facing my own fucking ugliness
and figuring that shit out
i'm actually enjoying myself
and i'm working it out
and i don't need you chiming in with your fucking stupid t-shirt
i actually took pictures of this stupid fucking one of those
embrace life
it's just so open-ended
it just it's just
i just i just that's what it is
i just think it's it's it's they're not trying to help you
they're advertising that they're at peace
that's what i feel it is
and it's like no you're not
if you were at peace you wouldn't feel the need to do that
and all you're really doing is just walking around
like how like how fucking dumb do you think i am
like i'm walking around
you know not loving life and then i just read love life
oh yeah that's right i forgot
if people aren't loving life
it's not because they don't know not to love life
probably a lot of painful shit happened to it
and they're trying to work their way through it
and your stupid fucking t-shirt
it's just gonna irritate them like it's doing to me
um
so i went on this walk this morning
so i could love life and listen to the birds chirping
i wasn't i wasn't listening to nature
i have this fucking playlist called clive burr
which is just all iron maiden when he was in the band
and uh
just incredible drumming
so i was listening to uh
you know
rumor in the room org
you know some of the deeper cuts right to the fucking classics
like i mean a prisoner i mean jesus christ what a fucking intro
you know
i don't know so anyway
so i guess cam newton's gone i guess is what i'm trying to say
cam newton is gonna go somewhere else
and uh
and now we got mac jones
so we will see how that is going to play out
what else i've been watching all of these
been watching a bunch of good shit
i watched uh
i'm still continuing on with the uh
the untouchable series
and i'm telling you
the untouchable
the original untouchable series
was the law and order
of back in the day
where all of these people that got their starts
as actors
like my generation
and i don't know how many generations
so many people got that
your first tv credit
acting tv credit
being on law and order
and i'm telling you
i just saw
robert redford
a young robert redford
um
ed asner
carol o'connor
um
charles bronson
lee marvin
um
i i've just
i brought this up on the
on the last one
how many people i've seen on that
but
add
add uh
what's his face
um
jesus christ
what the fuck is wrong with my brain
i already forgot the goddamn name
robert redford
oh man
he played a piece of shit
and he did a great job
so it's an incredible series
i watched that
and then i watched airplane
i taped airplane the movie
which is just as funny as it's always been
one of my favorite jokes i'd totally forgotten about
is when you first see leslie nielsen
and you know the one that first passengers get sick
and they go is there a doctor
is there a doctor
and this woman goes
i think he's a doctor
and she leans into the aisle
and you don't see leslie yet
she goes excuse me
she goes are you a doctor
and he looks at her and he goes
i am
and he's wearing a stethoscope
and he's got it in his ears
it's such a
it's such a silly stupid joke
and me and my lovely wife
were sitting there watching that
movie just laughing our asses off
um
and and what's his face
uh robert stack
uh robert stack
just crushed it
absolutely fucking
crushed it
where he's just sitting there going uh
keep her at 34 000
no feet
it's just pound for pound
i'm trying to think of a fucking
those zucker brother movies
you can't cram any more jokes in there
it's just one
and that's when the shit hit the fan
all of that stuff
well it looks like i picked the wrong way to sniff
to stop sniffing glue
it's still just as funny as it always was
and i was watching it with my wife
and there's nothing
i love more than listening to my wife laugh
i love listening to her laugh
and she's had such a great sense of humor
she's got a silly
sense of humor
just uh
like i do
and i just
we just sat there
laughing our asses off
watching that movie
um
it's just
oh my god
just such an incredible movie
and then
the other night
before that
my wife started watching
the real housewives in new york
and i just
i just can't get into that one
i like the real housewives of potomac
but then once they kicked uh
what's her face off
monique off
i didn't give a fuck anymore
um
so she started watching that shit
so
anyway i'm studying for my
instrument
rating here
for my uh
you know
flying helicopters and stuff
and uh
you know
i was just looking up all this stuff
you know
on the internet
blah blah blah blah
next thing i'm on amazon
and i found a documentary
about the vietnam war
called the vietnam war miracle
and i'd watched like all of the
i don't know
some war movies or something like that
so when i went on there
it suggested that
it was only like 50 something minutes long
so i was like
all right i'll check this shit out
and um
the i mean
first of all
it was an incredible story
but the stuff in there
about helicopters
um
what those pilots did
and the fact that they were kids
and they were just talking about
you know
it's a story about a bunch of veterans
i guess reuniting
coming back together
and
and
you know
having not seen each other for so long
and getting into this horrific firefight
in the jungle
and people
having like
being gravely injured
and then they just get whisked away
in these helicopters
and they had no idea
whether they lived or not
and there's this amazing doctor in there
who had to be like 30 years old
doing like brain surgery
on these people
and not knowing
when he's done with it
is he ships them off
if they live or not
and just everybody coming together
and realizing that they
saved people's lives
and just the story
just the
the way the documentary
makes you see
like the bond
that the soldiers have
and how they have each other's backs
and like
the shit that's going down
and how they don't even question
running over to help
from something that
every
you know
nerve in your body
would say run in the other direction
and they just without question
go over to help their buddy out
and then you combine that with today
that now people like
look at a tweet
and they're like
oh my god
that was so brave
Jessica
I can't believe
you're just such a warrior
it's like
these people
are heroes
they're unbelievable
so anyway
the helicopter part
which of course
you know
I loved
is
they had this firefight
right
and
you know
Viet Cong comes in
they're sleeping
and all of a sudden
they just hear this
and they just threw
all these fucking grenades
like that's how they woke up
right
the guys that were sleeping out
evidently
right
and
then they got to worry
the whole rest of the night
if the Viet Cong is coming back
and they got to get these guys
out of here
so
they make a call
for the helicopters
to come in
and I don't want to ruin
the whole thing
you got to watch
Vietnam War Miracle
right
but this is what killed me
is
landing a helicopter
off airport
meaning not on a pad
or on a runway
or a taxiway
or anything like that
is one of the scariest
fucking things
you're gonna do
because it is so easy
to roll the thing over
the second the ground
is not level
and you are at an angle
what you have to do
is you come down
like it's
you're
you're
you're gonna land
on something level
and you
the uphill skid
touches first
and then you're
balancing that skid
and then as you lower
your collective
the emergency break
looking thing
to get that other one
to come down
you turn the stick
you push it
in the direction
uphill
so you don't tip over
and these guys
were landing
in the jungle
who God knows
if there's even
a clearing
you could hit a tree
you're fucking dead
and these guys
would come in
and just land
these things
while getting shot at
as these people
screaming in pain
and agony
are being thrown on
now you're getting
weight thrown onto
the helicopter
that is alive
and is moving
and you're balancing
that skid
trying not to tip over
while getting shot at
and then flying
out of there
I mean it was just
insane
and
this doctor
who did the surgery
on one of them
did the brain surgery
on one of them
who then lived
and then
you know
as I'm sitting here
bitching about
you know
positive t-shirts
like the life
that this guy led
has led
and how he
just embraced
his new life
when they took
25-30% of his brain
out
it was unreal
but
one of the cool things
was because of
those guys
who flew those
helicopters
and how they were
able to
get into
a confined area
and get
injured people
out of there
and save their lives
that is what
what those kids did
showed the potential
of helicopters
and that's why
to this day
if you wipe out
on a motorcycle
or whatever
get into a skiing
exit or something
they bring a helicopter
in it gets you up
and out
and gets you fixed
it's because of those guys
and
I really wasn't
thinking about it
but like you know
helicopters
by the Vietnam War
had not been around
that long
and certainly
had not played
a significant role
I believe
in any sort of warfare
so
I don't know
it was a really
really
you know
I don't know
it's one of those things
if you're kind of
stressing about
little shit
like I have been lately
it's been a
it's a reall