Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-16-21
Uploaded: 2021-09-16T21:23:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-16-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-16-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-16. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-16-21

hey what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the thursday afternoon just
before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you i'm just checking in on
you
i just did kansas city kansas city kansas city here i come
um out here in kansas city i just did this amazing uh amphitheater outside the
crowd
was absolutely fucking amazing it was a whole bunch of people and people were
just
you know they weren't all liquored up you know they're having a good time but
like uh
you know people shouting at the stage a little bit but it was all fun stuff and
um i just had a blast
i just want to thank everybody for coming out and you know i was joking on
stage about how i struck
out trying to get a smoothie that's my move when i'm on the road you know i get
the smoothie for
that way i don't become billy fat tits out here you know start off with bacon
and eggs you got the
salt and you want some sugar you start with the pancakes and you take a fucking
sugar nap
10 minutes later or i go out and i get a smoothie that doesn't have a bunch of
sugars in it i don't
go to one of those fucking you know the chick smoothie place you know with the
silly straws and
all of that i go to the uh the ones where they have the gross shots that you
that you drink and they're
supposed to fucking help your liver whatever the hell they tell you to do i try
to go to those ones
whatever they are they've been working for me so i sort of like you know
googled where to go or ask the fucking robot chick in the phone where to go
it tells me this place right up the street so go up the fucking street and it
says it's open
right so i go up there i go up there it's fucking closed and the sign on the
door says it should be
open it's just locked and i'm looking in there i'm trying to figure out what
the fuck's going on
so i lose my shit as always you know and then i find out there's another place
up the way
about a quarter mile away so i go fuck it whatever that'll be whatever half a
mile away from my hotel
half mile back i just walked a mile in i'll drink a smoothie who gives a shit
quit you whining right
be happy you have a show fair enough right so i fucking walk over there
the juice thing is inside of a whole foods and i go into the whole foods right
and it had like some
sort of sign there that was like passively aggressively trying to tell you to
get the vaccine
at least that's how i read it i don't know what
and you know i go in there and the dude behind the fucking counter
is he's his back it's weird because he's surrounded on three sides where people
can approach him so he's
just facing that one wall
you know that doesn't have a counter and i'm standing on one of the side
counters so i'm looking
at it like a i'm perpendicular to him so i can see the side of his face he's
fucking sneezing
as i walk up i see the guy he's fucking sneezing i'm in missouri
these people don't give a fuck about covid generally speaking so he's fucking
sneezing
my god jesus of course he sneezed i hope he washes his hair then he sneezes
again
now i come around the side i'm getting to the side of him right like that nfl
camera you know
where they spin around the fucking huddle i'm walking around the side like that
and i see him
spit into the fucking trash barrel like he hocked up a fucking loogie as they
used to say back in the day
then he sneezes again blows his nose and then takes two index fingers with the
brown napkin
and fucking shoves it up his nostrils spinning the thing and i just go jesus
fucking christ
and when i walked away he was still sneezing it's like if you're that fucking
sick what the
fuck are you going to work for right i literally just told this story on the
fucking podcast i do
with fursy but i just had to tell because i know you guys don't necessarily
listen to both but i
just had to tell it again because i was fucking beside myself that someone
would go to work that
fucking sick that is now going to handle somebody's food or shake or whatever
i just don't have it in me as the old guy to say that to a young person like
just out of curiosity
why are you coming to work if you're this sick i'm fucking traveling here see i
can't say it without
cursing i would end up messing it up um
it's gonna be a nice way to say it like hey buddy maybe you should you you
should go home man you sound
sick because i was gonna spend some money here and now i'm not or what i see i
still made it about
myself whatever i'm a cunt so i walk out and then i say to this lady
you know i say you know around is there a place around here where i can walk
and get a decent
breakfast she goes nah i'm sorry i don't know i got it's cool that's cool
whatever so i just start
walking back and then she yelled across the street she goes hey right here and
she pointed to this
little coffee shop it looked like a mom-and-pop place i was like that's funny i
was thinking of
going there to begin with so i get there he goes you guys still doing breakfast
they're like yeah
we don't have any breakfast burritos or anything yummy stuff i go what do you
got left they go the quiche
oh you got the bacon one we have the veggie one of course you do all right let
me get the veggie one so
they give me the veggie one i go outside i'm sitting in the sun i'm like
whatever i take off my mask i
finally got the right mask for on the airplane it's white as the driven snow
and i cut into this quiche
and there's a big tomato and it had been heated up so much in the microwave it
was like piping hot
like mcdonald's coffee hot i slice into it and all the juice goes flying to the
side and lands right on
my mask that's just i actually bursted out laughing at that point i was just
like of course of course i
wiped it down tasted like it needed like a i needed a salt lick to get this
thing down
and i walked back and i come back to the hotel to do my podcast and all of a
sudden just hear this guy
in a microphone check check two two check one two check check yo yo yo yo yo
check one two two right
i'm like what the is that right and i see him putting a stage together i'm like
ah maybe they're
gonna have a symphony here later on tonight whatever so all of a sudden i hear
this band tuning up i'm
like what's going on man like this jazz band started playing they were great
but i couldn't do the
podcast earlier they had this chick on the drums that was killing it the guy in
the trumpet you know
it's playing all that kansas city jazz i want to like the trumpet or whatever
um the whole goddamn afternoon and now i'm back here at the hotel i swear to
god it's it's 11 o'clock
at night and i keep hearing this jackhammer so i don't know i don't know what's
going on here it's
just been it's been a loud loud fucking afternoon um anyway whatever i'm grumpy
because i literally
was on the road for 10 days i came home for a day and a half i had to go back
out to knock out these
two things i just missed my kids or whatever and you know been a tough it's
been a tough week here you
know for obvious reasons we lost norm mcdonald this week um which was just you
know i had no idea
that he was even sick and um he's a guy that i knew a little bit i was
definitely friendly with
him if we saw each other we said hello and we shut the ship but it wasn't like
someone that i talked
to on the phone or anything and i was such a huge fan of his and i would just
always end up running into
him and he just always had that smile on his face like as you talk to him he
would have that smile just
just a really great warm guy and i remember um i was trying to think what norm
story to tell you
this one isn't necessarily funny it was just sort of random i went out to go
see bill cosby in concert
right before all the bullshit happened out in pasadena and he played this
theater out there
which interestingly enough was where they had the 25th anniversary of motown
celebration which is the
first place michael jackson publicly did the moonwalk um i saw bill cosby at
that theater
and i remember they had it all set up where like they almost built him like a
little living room he
had like an archie bunker type chair a little square rug and then like a side
table where he put his
water and he just came walking out and it was the mic there's no mic stand it
was just sitting on the
chair and he just came out you know he kind of walked a little bent over came
walking out waved to
everybody sat down picked up the mic and for like almost two hours just you
know hour and a half just killed
just killed had the crowd in the palm of his hand master class of stand-up
right
so i leave with my lovely wife and i go out front who's standing there is norm
mcdonald
he was like hey uh bill hey how you doing and i talked
it was like no what's going on i was so psyched that he knew my name and all
that stuff and uh
i think i had met him before and then we just stood there talking about comedy
and how amazing it was to
see bill cosby and how good he still was like i said this is before all the
bullshit happened and um
my admiration for the guys it went even higher that you know i understood why i
was there but i didn't
i thought norm was so good that he didn't need to be there and he was still
there still trying to
learn and everything and i was thinking like wow this is why this guy is so
amazing and um
you know he's just with somebody that um you couldn't just watch one video of
him
like you know i was saying to verzi how like guys like rick flair norm mcdonald
there's a few
people if you click on their videos it's like say goodbye to the next two hours
of your life because
everything that they did was is so interesting and so different and so funny
and um one of my favorite
norm mcdonald things that he ever did you know because so many people like
pretend that they don't
give a fuck you know both in my business and in other businesses you got i don't
give a hey you know me
i don't give a fuck you know those people that advertise them like that guy
clearly in the best
way didn't give a fuck he really cared about people and stuff but like like he
did what he wanted to do
and when he was on snl how big a gig that was because there was so few channels
the internet
hadn't blown up yet and even with basic cable and everything i mean it was
still if you were on
saturday night live and you were doing weekend update it was one of the most
coveted gigs
a comedian could have and you were part of this lineage of you know at that
point it was uh
you know chevy chase um jane curtain right on through to dennis miller's reign
when he did it
and you know i did colin quinn come after i think colin came after but it was
always just like the
best of the best comics that they had doing it and continued on with tina fey
and all of them
and no one's walking away from that job i mean if some suit at nbc tells you
they don't like the
jokes you're doing and be funnier you know you're shaking in your i would i
would be i'd be like oh
fuck you know i'm gonna lose this big gig i don't want to get fired i don't
want to piss these people
off or whatever i guess he was doing all those oj jokes and somebody i forget
how the story went
there was somebody there that knew oj or something and was telling him telling
norm to back off and move
on to something else
so what does norm do he just doubles down and he just does even more oj jokes
which is like
you know the balls that that took to do that and he ended up losing the gig he
got fired
and he was and people loved him he was hilarious but he you know he didn't back
down to the to the to
the big fucking guy over there and he ended up losing the gig so
you know as luck would have it i think it was dirty work came out like a year
and a half later or so
so he has to promote it he's on the press thing so lauren has him back and has
him host the show
and i remember he went out there and his opening joke
it's opening joke he just comes out and he was just like uh yeah yeah something
something like this
yeah it's good to be back you know i actu