Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-14-21
Uploaded: 2021-10-14T19:01:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-14-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-14-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-14. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-14-21

hey what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the thursday afternoon just
before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you that wasn't a bad one i'm
just maybe
it's because i'm in a great fucking mood and i don't even know why that was it
because i went
out and i did a little bit of stand-up last night i had a great fucking time i
had a great time you
know i had a hissy fit at the fucking comedy store i walked in i was trying to
knock out a show early
i come walking in i'm like you know they got a show going on can i jump on just
10 minutes 10
minutes i'll get in i'll get out of the way i ain't trying to be a fucking
problem right
i go yeah and i go walking in the main room and then they got like cameras on
and i'm like oh jesus christ what the fuck is this and uh they were like oh we're
live streaming it i
go jesus fucking christ can't you just do a fucking show does everything have
to be viewed can i come
down here and work out my john gruden bit right so you know i flip on they go
no no no it's lives i
felt bad it's my buddy mustafa from a long time i gotta apologize to the guy
but i was just like i
mean i didn't say anything to him i just was like i'm so fucking see fucking
goddamn kids filming every
fucking goddamn fucking moment there's just cameras in the locker room now you
know so he's uh somebody
over there was like no it's live stream you can't film i was like yes you can
you just take your cell
phone and you point it at the fucking screen so i just you know whatever i just
so i leave in a big
huff big huff acting like a fucking hollywood starlet the 1950s right oh billy
oh billy apologies you
apologies you know i walk into a place next thing you know i owe three people
an apology because
that's how i'm fucking wired so and that will happen not saying i'm not an
asshole but then i
just like i'm so fucking fucking fuck i just said fuck the whole fucking way
out
because i didn't get what i want i mean i can't believe i showed up without
calling anybody and
expected everything was going to go my way i mean why why wouldn't that happen
fucking idiot i am anyway so then i go down to the improv and they got a couple
of shows going on there
and uh i go on in the side room and it's like the gay show or something like
that so then the john
gruden thing became fun because he said homophobic shit right so i was like you
know you know i whatever
i did what i usually do right and then i don't know i get to try out my bit
about straight people
that collect gay people as friends
that fucking killed it's funny it wouldn't kill in front of like a bunch of
straight progressive
people because they would get offended for the people that you know let me know
i was saying it
in the right way and then the main room it was some sort of adult entertainment
vibe to it either
the the stand-ups used to be in adult entertainment or the people in the crowd
or them i don't know
everything's like a fucking theme now you know oh this is like just to let you
know before you go up
this is the car wash union everybody here washes cars a lot of people aren't
legal they're trying to get
their families into the area of the car wash to just be sensitive if you have
any jokes about water
i'm not saying you can't do them i would just be careful um yeah so um i didn't
even look up that
whole john gruden thing i didn't even see what the fuck happened you get a
bunch of emails and all of
that shit but the vibe i'm hearing is that they're using you know as the nfl
always does they use like
acting like they care about other people really to just get rid of some guy uh
john gruden
calls goodell a pussy because you know that that was the one
greatest jungle to resign amid criticism over misogynistic and homophobic
emails
sounds like he called somebody a bitch and then he said use the f word
um oh jesus christ i'm not getting into this i'm not fucking reading this i'll
read this later i'll
have something new to talk about in atlanta i'm going to i'm going going back
back to atlanta
atlanta um doing a couple nights out there thursday friday say i got a couple
of friends of
mine who live out that way they're gonna pop on do some guest spots it's gonna
be fun oh billy fat
tits got on the scale my scale sucks not only does it suck because i don't like
the number it's giving
me but like it literally you move it on the floor and it'll go three pounds in
either direction so i
don't know what the i'm weighing but i'm not liking it i'm in hoodie shape
right now and um
you know i just got like as always i have like nine million things going on and
i just can't get my
ass back into the shape i need to be in but it's gonna and now the holidays are
coming up i mean i'm
done i'm looking at a heart attack in january i don't knock this off um but
anyway i called up one of
my favorite shows you can listen to it tomorrow uh the shred and reagan show
buffalo and those guys
have been having me on the radio since i played like the fucking the town ballroom
way back in the
day in buffalo which by the way this was such a cool place to play because uh
downstairs in the basement
they had um like these tunnels that were bricked over and that's where all the
prohibition gangsters
used they would run down those fucking tunnels when the cops would come in to
bust them so they wouldn't
get arrested obviously and uh lately i've been watching you know i've been
binge watching the whole
fucking untouchable series with robert stack and all of those guys walter winchell
and um
just seeing a whole show about that era and just thinking about that place so
anyways i'm gonna be
coming back there and uh you can listen to that tomorrow i have to have a
couple of things uh
i think to promote but i didn't write them down before i got on here i'm the
fucking worse
so now i gotta check my god damn
i'll do my wife fucking fucking yelled at me this morning
she's like she's like she didn't consider it yelling i got to get her on the
podcast
she doesn't consider it yelling which is funny to me it's like well if i did
that it would be
be considered yelling um
oh here's the thing that i was supposed to i'm supposed to promote here a
friend of mine um
unfortunately his nephew uh committed suicide sorry to bum everybody out here
but uh there's a gofundme
um
it's weird it says gofundme and i don't am i supposed to retweet this
um i don't know i'll retweet it i'll figure it out now that i brought that up
and brought
the whole fucking room down brought the whole goddamn room down um
anyway why would i do that you either do that at the top or you do it you do it
at the end
that's where you do that now that i've made you laugh here's something sad but
you can make a
positive out of it that's it bing bang boom that's how i should have done it
oh by the way you know what really annoyed me about the john gruden thing
was somebody posted this thing going uh classic mediocre white male
you know he his his overall record is under 500 and he gets a hundred million
dollar contract it's
just like i swear to god everybody is their own 24-hour news channel where they
just they just
frame it the way they want to frame it my favorite thing too was it was retweeted
by a white female
which goes back to that bit i did a while back how white women have divorced
themselves of their
own fucking privilege um they're not mediocre they're extraordinary oh the
level that they're
performing at my god if they were a white male they they'd be running the
planet
fucking ridiculous so anyway it's like first of all you dumb fucks you sexist
racist cunts all right i'm not defending what the guy obviously shouldn't be
saying uh racist stuff
you should be saying uh you know uh homophobic things the misogyny i have no
problem with if
you listen to this podcast i mean i've i've that's i've basically hung my shingle
on that i'm
fucking with you i have issues with women all right i'm working hey i'm working
on it okay um
the way that they fucking frame that okay you want to say that he shouldn't
have said that
absolutely absolutely i understand that but to act like this guy is a mediocre
coach
is not the case he's one of the best coaches of his generation he took over the
raiders twice
when they were a pile of ashes that's like that mcdermott guy out with buffalo
right i bet he
doesn't have a 500 record look what he's done with buffalo they were they were
laying in the gutter
people stepping over him bills fans dropping half-eaten wings on top of their
heads by october
every year and he dug down deep he blowed through it and now look at him dare i
say in the driver's seat
and the afc granted tom brady went to the nfc you know that kind of helps him
um yeah john gruden and
he's fucking the guy won a super bowl they don't bring that up right maybe he's
like oh we did it
with tony dungy's team well great good football who's tony dungy tony dungy won
with the colts
he also played by the way he played his own uh gruden went up against his own
raiders team
so he played his own team even leaving his team still got there he
doesn't get credit for that he gets a super bowl they said oh that's because tony
dungy's team
tony dungy won a super bowl when jim ursay made how the patriots covered their
receiver illegal
and then they stole our offense so you can say what you want about the guy
socially but don't come after this football record if you're not a football
person especially
if you're just some white lady walking around you're living your white life
i just cannot believe that white women have the nerve to sit there go classic
media over a
white male like they're like what are you you got to crush it as hard as james
brown
the fuck out of here how many ladies nights did you go to we didn't have to pay
a cover
and somebody bought you a fucking drink the level of whining it's i'll never
get women of color
i will listen to all day long but though i always make sure
that i remind those white ladies that you're riding in the same chariot i'm
riding okay maybe you're
not always telling the horse which way it wants to go you know but that's why
you're trying to lock us
in to give you the ring that all of a sudden you know you're telling the horse
which way to go it
becomes your horse and your carriage and if you don't like it you kick us out
of the carriage you
get to keep the carriage because you're used to a certain horse lifestyle and i'm
walking down the
street paying for your notes all right sorry um so there you go now all of that
i haven't read a
word of any of his emails you know i'm not a soap opera guy i don't watch pre-game
i don't watch
fucking post game i don't give a fuck if somebody on the washington wizards you
know brings a goddamn
gun into the clubhouse because he's mad about a card game i don't give a shit
work that out amongst
yourselves the only thing i care about in that story is the irony that you call
them the wizards
and they still brought a gun into the locker room they should still be called
the bullets
all right the sacramento king should still be the buffalo braves is that who
the
they were the buffalo uh who the were they
oh man i used to know all that sports history it's leaving me
you know what a great move that was
for whatever what what basketball team was in not the bisons they had all kinds
of
they're all they're all about the goddamn meat up there there's not a
vegetarian is there a
vegetarian restaurant in buffalo i mean that would be something else i mean one
of the hardest things
to do is to put your money into a restaurant and think that you're not going to
lose your shirt you
you start opening a vegan restaurant now you know what's going to happen
actually bill you'd be
surprised there's a whole new vibrant downtown area you know all these app
makers and web designers
they're bringing back the rust belt i don't get mad at that at least you know
it's good americans are
working again but jesus you know it's a lot more fun to hang out with the other
guy