Name: Monday Morning Podcast 10-18-21
Uploaded: 2021-10-18T19:19:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-18-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 10-18-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-18. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 10-18-21

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, for Monday, October 18th, 2021.
What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? How's it going, everybody? I hope
you're having a better day than I am.
I have a splitting headache. Jesus Christ, I got a headache. I've had it for
like a day now, or two days, or something like that.
It's just, I don't know what. It's just this fucking lingering cold. It won't
go away. I get tested for COVID. It's not COVID. I don't know what it is.
And every time I start to like get on the other side of it, like an asshole, I'll
go smoke a cigar, thinking I'm on the other side of it, and then, you know, it
fucking comes back again.
But I had, I had an amazing time in Atlanta, even though I didn't even go out,
really. Really? I didn't really even go out. I just fucking stayed in my hotels.
And not even because I was quarantining like a good little liberal, wagging my
finger at you guys and your four-wheelers on your way to your Waffle House.
I had all this fucking work to do. I have so much fucking work to do.
That instrument rating is slipping away from me. I just don't know if I'm going
to have time to do it, because I wrote a script, and people might buy it, and I
have to do a rewrite on it.
And I just, but then I was just thinking like, you know what? Well, all I got
to do is just fucking take the written test again, and then I got another two
years to do it, and I'll just time it out.
But until then, I'm still going to fly three, four times a week doing
approaches, and I'm still going to look at fucking all this shit, my flashcards
and all that stuff.
So I'll just be ready to go. I'll just be ready to go. I'll stay sharp on that,
fine-tune it.
I don't know when the fuck it's going to happen, but I feel like a fucking
loser, man.
But it is what it is. If I try to do all of this shit, something's going to
suffer, and it's going to be my dad time with my kids, and I'm not doing that.
Because speaking of that, speaking of that, one of the best fucking holidays to
be a parent with little kids is coming up 13 days away.
Baby, Halloween. I cannot fucking wait.
You know, I think the kids are going to be able to go out this year. You know,
they're wearing masks, right?
They'll be fine, I hope. I just remember how excited my daughter was a couple
years ago.
My wife bought this little, like, dinosaur suit for my son. It's fucking the
cutest thing ever.
The little spikes going down in the tail and all of that, and he just walks
around looking adorable as hell.
Yeah, it's going to be awesome, man. I'm really excited for that, and I have
that weekend off, and I'm not doing shit.
I'm making pumpkin bread, and I'm hanging with the kids, doing what I'm
supposed to do so I don't lay in a deathbed someday fucking thinking I blew it.
So, anyway, let's get back to Atlanta.
What a great city, great state, great people, and all of that, and the universe
has a way of balancing that.
If you're going to go to Atlanta and see all those beautiful people and eat all
that wonderful food and see that whole nightlife and all that great shit that's
going on,
the universe is like, all right, well, you got to pay for that.
How are we paying for that?
The most hellacious traffic you'll ever sit in, other than L.A., trying to get
from one side of the 405 to the other around fucking 4 o'clock.
It's actually worse at 4 than it is at 5, because everybody leaves around 3.30
thinking they're getting a jump, and they're not.
5 still sucks, but I don't think it sucks as bad as 4. It's kind of weird.
So, we played three different venues, me and Dean Del Rey.
Oh, and then I have a couple of friends that live down there, one of them, Todd
Parker.
He jumped on two of the three nights, hung out every single night, and he's a
guy I started after him in Boston.
He's only like a year older than me, but he started like three, four years
before me, or three years before me, I think.
And the first time I ever did stand-up, he was, I was in that comedy
competition, find Boston's funniest college student,
and lo and behold, he was one of the judges.
So, that was pretty cool. We always talk about that whenever we had a great
time doing what we always do,
hanging out, laughing, busting each other's balls, talking about our kids and
everything.
So, it was great to see him. And then another comic that I've been friends with
forever, Vanessa Fraction,
who's been crushing it in Atlanta. A lot of people don't know, Atlanta is like
sort of like a mini Hollywood.
You get all that Tyler Perry stuff going on there. They shoot movies there all
the time.
Obviously, the show Atlanta is shot there, I believe, unless they just take the
exteriors.
I believe it's all shot there, but yeah, known her for forever.
And she jumped on the last night. She absolutely killed, which was great.
So, a nice wide variety, a bunch of different, we had like four comics on, you
know, the last two shows that I did,
which, by the way, was the worst traffic that night, because the venue was
right next to where the Braves play,
their new one, that they move closer to the people.
They had to move it closer to the white people, so they wouldn't be sitting in
that fucking traffic.
Like, they literally weren't, I thought they didn't show up, because they're
like,
well, the Braves are in it every year. I'll wait for the World Series.
Having sat in that traffic, I will never trash Braves fans for not going to a
game.
I would never go to a game.
I would never go to a fucking game.
Oh my God, dude.
We sat,
we sat at a light,
I swear to God,
for about 25, 30 minutes
trying to get through it.
And then the next light was like another 15 minutes.
And the whole time, I could see the baseball stadium and the venue.
And nobody's going anywhere, and everybody's getting frustrated,
and everybody starts driving like the way they drove in Boston, Massachusetts,
back in the day.
I don't know if they still drive that way.
I was there for a week this summer.
They didn't seem nearly as aggressive as I remember.
But,
yeah,
there was definitely,
fuck you,
I'm blocking the intersection,
because I'm not waiting another light.
I'm just not.
Okay?
I'm just not.
I ain't doing it.
Fuck off, man.
Don't beep at me.
I got a gun too.
Right?
That type of shit.
But it was kind of cool, though.
Like the,
the,
the NLCS.
Dodgers versus the Braves was going on as we were coming in.
People going in.
You could hear the crowd.
You felt the excitement and all of that.
It was really awesome.
And had I known it didn't,
I don't think it sold out.
I would have tried to dip in in between shows.
I definitely stood out there to listen to the crowd.
And when I,
in between shows,
I just literally just walk out the door,
stick my head out.
I felt like I was in,
you know,
those old baseball stories,
Billy Crystal's era,
you know,
when they had all three baseball teams were in,
in New York city.
And the fucking players would take the train to the ballpark or whatever.
Like I felt,
that's what it felt like.
I'm just walking out of my,
my house or something.
And there's a giant baseball stadium.
And he had the sound of the crowd and smelling the food.
And all that.
So it was really,
really awesome.
But I will tell you that fucking traffic.
No,
thank you.
No fucking.
Thank you.
I remember that years ago,
2017.
I did.
I did a movie down there called the front runner.
And I remember one night we were,
we wrapped and we got in the van.
And I was sitting in the van and for a half hour,
I could see my hotel.
And I kept asking the driver if I could just get out and walk.
And he said,
unfortunately I can't,
because if you get hit it,
you know,
I'm going to lose my job.
The production's going to have to stop.
But Bob,
Bob,
Bob,
Bob.
Bob.
So I just had to sit in this fucking van.
Just sit there.
Like it's right there.
It's right fucking there.
But I always,
once you get where you're going in Atlanta,
you always,
always,
always have a good time.
Everything in Atlanta is a good time.
Even their titty bars.
Back in the day when I went there,
it was more like a party.
Rather than the creepiness of,
of the other titty bars,
you know,
I don't know.
That's.
Every time I go there,
I think about doing the rich bitch tour with the late,
great Charlie Murphy,
rest his soul and Don L Rawlings.
And that one.
Oh my God.
I don't know.
I got it.
I got to have Don L on one time.
Talk about all these fucking stories.
He got so fucking mad at me.
He got so fucking,
he got mad at me.
And Charlie did it too.
It was fucking hilarious.
He went on last.
And he was just going and going.
And he was just feeling it.
He just kept going and going.
And we had merch.
We wanted to sell the merch.
And the thing is,
if you go too long,
you burn out the crowd.
They're not going to buy any of these fucking t-shirts.
These stupid itchy t-shirts that we made.
And he just kept going and going and going.
And me and Charlie go,
what the fuck is he doing?
Show should have been over a half hour ago.
He's still going.
So we get into the sound booth.
And, you know,
it's all black in the sound booth.
He can't see.
So the guy in the sound booth turned the light on.
And he looked and he saw the light come on.
Both me and Charlie stood there.
He put our arms up like,
dude, what the fuck?
And he just did the big,
you know,
with the hand,
like,
get the fuck out of here.
And he did like another fucking 20 minutes.
He got off stage.
He was so fucking mad.
You don't give me the light, son.
Nobody gives me the light, son.
You know,
all this shit,
right?
I'm sitting there going like,
Donnell,
the fuck?
It's like a fucking three hour show.
We're not Led Zeppelin.
We don't sell these t-shirts.
We got to fucking bring them back.
We have this big fucking fuck you,
fuck you fight.
And then like 20 minutes later,
we were in a bar laughing about it.
And that was that tour.
We had such a fucking great time.
One time,
Donnell,
we were in Nashville.
And we went to this country ass bar and he fucking went up on stage and did
karaoke.
He's got a really good voice and crushed this country song.
It was just like,
I never saw that coming.
Went into this total fucking,
everybody in there had cowboy boots on and wranglers but us.
And he went up there.
He went up there.
I still remember it.
He had a cigarette.
He grabbed the microphone.
And me and Charlie were already laughing.
And then he just fucking killed it.
Fucking killed it.
God damn it,
man.
I miss Charlie.
That was such a fun tour.
Just being on that show was so much fun.
I actually saw Donnell.
What was it?
A couple nights ago.
A few weeks ago.
I don't know what the fuck it was.
It was Sunday night.
Chocolate Sundays.
I swear to God,
that's the name of the show.
At the Laugh Factory.
I went down to the store and they weren't having a show.
So I came back and I did that one.
And I needed to do a set.
I forget why.
I think I had shows or something on the road.
So I wanted to,
you know,
shake the rust off on one out here.
And dude,
he was up there murdering.
And I went up and had to work my ass off to just have a mediocre set.
Had some of the best shit that I've ever seen him do.
The best shit,
I should say.
So check him out if you get a chance.
Look at me spreading the fucking love on this podcast.
Giving shouts out to others.
Even despite the fact that I have a headache and a little bit of a fucking cold.
You know,
this fucking cold is like some relative that,
you know,
I'm only going to stay a couple of days and it's just been like a month.
It's just like,
dude,
you know,
you don't know any chicks in this town.
You can fucking sleep on a couch.
Fuck out of here.
So tonight I'm going to try to like,
I'm going to try to knock this thing out.
I'm going to try to knock this thing out,
man.
That's what I'm going to try to do.
So anyway,
let's talk ALCS,
baby.
The Boston Red Sox.
What the fuck is going on?
Their bats are on fire.
Fucking grand slam.
In the first inning,
I of