Name: Monday Morning Podcast 11-8-21
Uploaded: 2021-11-08T18:47:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 11-8-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 11-8-21' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-08. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 11-8-21

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
november 7th 2021 what's going on how are you how's it going in your world man
you having a
good time what the fuck is wrong with these headphones oh i see what i did
wrong i see what
i did i see what i did how about now oh there it is oh my god that's amazing
didn't have the whole fucking thing plugged in jesus christ is that an omen omen
omen um i usually i
would stop at this point because it's i'm only like a fucking 40 seconds into
this thing but you know
something i got shit to do man all right um i am currently in san jose cruise
san jose california
and uh i still have one more show to do here i had a great time up here in san
jose
um i stayed out in their area there that it's sort of like they just decided to
build their own rodeo
drive it's really bizarre because like across the street diagonally there's
like one of the most
fucked up cvs's i've ever been in and just i'm not shitting on cvs i've never
really been in a
fucked up cvs they're all kind of the same this one you know is like a barn
find where it's just
original paint you know all original flow floor tiles
original shit that they sent to the store i mean the fucking shells were bare i
mean there was there
was uh didn't feel like a cvs you know what i mean you know when you're sort of
going into the rip
off chain of the chain you want to go to that's what it felt like didn't feel
like a right aid or
dwayne reed didn't feel like a mom and pop one it just whatever fucking cvs
bought i don't think that
they remodeled uh this one yet but then like right around the corner they have
like this you know this
whole little fucking area you know those areas where people have a certain
fucking you know
they're just bored and they need to buy the nicest version of dumb shit
you know what i mean it's like you can go to fucking cvs and buy some nail clippers
for like
i don't i mean what do they what do they cost i have no fucking idea and i feel
like george bush
senior when he didn't know how much a dozen eggs cost i just don't know because
i don't pay attention
like i don't get like i just walk up and the lady just goes and i go okay and i
just stick my card in
i can't the amount of times that i'm just not listening um whatever say like
the nail clippers
we'll say they're what they're like i don't know a couple of bucks three bucks
you know this is the
kind of area where they would actually have 50 nail clippers or some dumb shit
like that they have a
which was actually nice i will give them that it's nice it's just that with my
mask on and their mask
on and the sound of the refrigerator we couldn't hear each other and i was
ordering you know i was
like can i get some oatmeal he's like he's like what can i get some oatmeal and
then i finally just you
know she said we don't have oatmeal and then i panicked because there's people
behind me and i just
said all right let me just get the quiche she's like vegetable or bacon and
cheese i said vegetable
i'm sorry i said bacon and cheese and she goes oh okay and then she brought me
vegetable
and my dumb ass i ate half the quiche before i was like there's no fucking
bacon in here
this is called killing a day um and then there was like two or three ferraris
that just kept
circling the block which after a while i just became convinced that this whole
little rodeo area they
rent them and their job is to drive around the block so people think that they're
in this i don't know
what this oasis of uh illuminati people um those supercars are fucking
hilarious though
park them in front of the hotel and all these people gather around they take
pictures of them and shit
um i don't know you gotta have a certain personality to drive that car huh just
who the fuck wants
everybody looking at them all the time listen to me i only do it for an hour a
night and then i just i
slip off into the darkness
i go right out the back of the theater like a fucking rat and i get in a car
and i leave
and that's it and that's what the fuck i'm doing tonight that is what i'm doing
tonight
all freckles i'm getting right in the car and i'm fucking driving home
i was gonna fly back but i miss my wife and kids too much um it'd be kind of
fun if i get home in the
middle of the night and my daughter wakes up because she didn't think i was
coming home wake up and
make her pancakes or something like that like fucking joe pesci in casino um
his character i
should say um so i'm gonna be doing that tonight we drove over from reno and
there's no way to be
in reno and not think about lake tahoe and there's no way to think about lake
tahoe and not think
about the godfather part two you know and thinking about fredo going out there
to go fish and get
fucking shot in the head and michael corey alone hanging his head down classic
classic goddamn scene
but um i was psyched i was able to take uh dean del rey was over here and i've
been telling you about
this place for a long time uh bizarre guitar and gun shop out there in reno and
uh i took him over
there got all these amazing guns and then they down downstairs at the uh
fucking music store they got this unbelievable collection of guitars and all
this and dean
was just losing his mind he was going like dude look at that marshall stack
the all red are you kidding me
they had this marshall stack from the 80s like literally you could play the
fucking worcester centrum or the providence providence civic center sorry those
are the ones
that i grew up in the boston garden or madison square garden with this fucking
stack they had
two giant ones and they were red and dean had never seen them in red i guess i
never saw them in red
either um i thought any van halen's were like that matched his guitar i have no
idea but he saw him
when he fucking freaked out um and then we just had nothing but great shows
nothing but great shows the
whole week two friday two saturday and then i got one tonight i'm gonna go up
there i love one
show after doing two shows a night for a couple of nights and you have one show
it's like having a half day of school
remember that is anything better than the half day of fucking school
it was so stupid that we all showed up but it was just great to be there
and be excited with every other kid we got a half day
we gotta have we can get the we're getting the
fuck out of here at noon is that what time it was yeah went to school for nine
to three when you
were a little kid you'd have a half a day because there was a teacher's meeting
and even the teachers
were excited because they weren't going they weren't going to the meeting you
know i'm sure
there was the one that did or the two that did and then the next day in the
teacher's lounge
you know gave him dirty looks didn't see you at the meeting you know here you
are always complaining
that there's not enough number two pencils and manila uh fucking legal pads you
know where were you at
the meeting you just come in here to smoke your cigarettes is that what it is
um so anyway i'm in um
san jose and i was going over to the cvs because you're forever like running
out of
fucking toothpaste or vitamins or fucking or me because i'm going to a football
game
i went to the 49ers uh cardinals game and uh you know i had to get earplugs
because the
fucking game the goddamn scoreboards are so fucking loud now i feel like i'm at
a concert and my ears ring
loud enough thank you very much right so we go over there and he somehow brings
up
the winchester mystery house he goes you ever been to that dude it's rad i'm
like no i haven't what is
it he starts describing it and my brain went back 40 years ago and holy shit i
remember hearing about
that house anyways is his house out here this woman sarah winchester who was
married to william work
w-i-r-t william work winchester of win the winchester uh rifle fame the rifle
that you know how the west was
one that was the gun that was fucking used so they were living in connecticut
they were making all this
fucking money and then the guy dies and i don't know i gotta i sort of breezed
over it the the big
fucking thing was she bought this house right and she was convinced that it was
haunted by all the
people that had been killed by the the rifle that her husband had invented and
that they made all the
money off of so for some reason she she went to some psychic or some shit and
the guy told her they were
in connecticut saying you need to move out west buy a house and keep fucking
building on it to keep these
fucking ghosts at bay and she did and she built like stair staircases that led
to nowhere i had no
idea the house was that big it was like 160 fucking rooms uh we tried to go in
we just didn't have time
because we were going to the game and i remember seeing a story on this house
on one of those pm magazines
you know they get like a a white guy and a white woman you know the guy would
wear like a sweater
she had like fucking pleated pants the fucking early 80s right and uh you know
she'd have like the
lady diana haircut and then he'd have sort of the grant good eve from eight is
enough haircut they all
had this they all look the fucking same right and uh they did a thing on this
and they made it seem
like she was just talking about you know ranchers shooting fucking horse wrestlers
and fucking you
know okay corral and billy the kid jesse james shit and uh you know since being
out here and i just
started i don't know i was looking up the 49ers and i was like what exactly
what was the gold rush and
all of that type of shit and just reading up i'm like holy fucking shit wow
yeah so i came up if i
talked about this like uh there was like a genocide out here oh i talked did
talk about this of indians
right people wanted to you know went into pan for gold and it was really
inconvenient to these people
who came out here when they were staking their claim that there was already
other people here
and they would kill them and enslave them and take their kids away from them
just
fucking horrific shit and um
it's just funny today i'm like going to a football game
and you know the cheerleaders are called the you know keep it going for the
gold rush dancers
and they got this dumb mascot you know doing like the 49ers dressed like a
minor i'm like jesus christ
like how soon before fucking woke culture comes for that one
fucking nfl man they're gonna have to change half their goddamn thing cardinals
somehow they'll relate
that to the catholic church they'd be like are you advocating the rape of
children all right
fuck it we call them the sparrows um
anyway so i was standing outside that house and i was thinking like wait a
minute so was she not really
we're necessarily talking about you know white people shooting other white
people you know
sort of the sheriff going after the uh you know the guy in the black hat or
whatever
was she actually thinking about what was going on you know out west or i guess
everywhere and um you
know it's always interesting you know when you read about shit like that
because they kind of make it seem like because it was happening nobody paid
attention or nobody cared
so anyway so i was thinking okay i thought they lived out here and the shit was
going on and she
felt so guilty she built the house but she was actually living in connecticut
this fucking car salesman psychic told her oh what you gotta do is uh move out
west
get a house just keep building it so anyway if you're in san jose
the the um the winchester mystery house you should definitely check it out it
ain't cheap it's 41 bucks
you know per adult but if you see how big the fucking place is i'm sure the the
upkeep uh just
vacuuming it alone it's got to be crazy right um and it's right next to their
little phony uh
the soto sopa fucking uh rodeo drive and i know i use that reference all the
time now and i don't
give a fuck because i want everybody to see that south park episode on uh gentrification
telling everyone about that so