Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-23-21 w. @jimgaffigan PART II
Uploaded: 2021-12-24T13:55:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-23-21 w. @jimgaffigan PART II' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-23-21 w. @jimgaffigan PART II' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-24. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-23-21 w. @jimgaffigan PART II

you know i know what i fucking can't stand i i hate uh um like i horror movies
i hate
because i totally buy in and every one of them scares the shit out of me oh
really and then i
also hate in the third act when the problem has been resolved and then they add
just one more
fucking hurdle and say jesus fucking christ right can we get out of here yeah
it's he's getting up
again you just hit him with a fucking machete it's over yeah it's like you guys
are celebrating the
victory too much and there's at least five minutes left they're like well we
like you know it's a
great one like if i if they still had like dvds and i had a dvd player that
could talk to my tv
because i guess that's what the problem is is uh police squad with uh leslie nielsen
and they did
a great thing like they used to make fun of so many tropes so they were doing
this thing well you know
remember you know that that camera angle like when i when a cop would be
leaning down talking on the
intercom you know get me this that and they're shooting up like that yeah so as
he's doing that
they're doing the whole fucking thing like that and then they cut to the wide
and he's talking to
like a midget and the guy's like okay boss i got it he fucking walks up
fucking hilarious the uh yeah no it's just or a little person you're supposed
to say how many how many
by the way i the halloween movies they keep doing them there's a lot i know and
and the
level of anger though i feel like people like the first one they like the
second one then i remember
they did season of the witch and everybody i mean that's when i was in high
school that movie can suck
my dick mike myers wasn't even in the fucking thing and that just buried that
franchise but then
then it came well everything's coming back that fuck they rebooted dexter yeah
didn't they catch
him in the other one no it was i tapped out when he started when he had like
they turned it into
like a buddy movie like he was killing people with somebody else yeah jimmy smiths
that's when i was
just like all right i yeah the last season this is like midnight run meets henry
portrait of a
the last season of dexter was like i was like having everyone who's worked on a
show you're like
oh they just kind of phoned it in oh no when he started hooking up with his
sister when they
started having i was just like what the fuck i'm out of here yeah well he was
married to her in real
life i think so yeah that doesn't mean they should bang on the show no well
wasn't it a fake it was a
fake sister like he was adopted wasn't he listen i didn't stick around to find
out i remember watching
that episode like that was my wife we both looked at each other like what the
fuck and i never watched
that was kind of like there was that whole thing of you know like there's
different kind of topics in
stand-up that become really big there was that was the year or two where there
was because that was
the game of thrones had the lesbian story not lesbian but like the incest story
and you're like
oh they tried to make that maybe this is incest yeah i think incest was you
know they would do that
sitcom rom-com remember incest com no remember in like the the 90s or late 90s
there were
comedians that would try and work the n-word into a joke oh yeah like the lenny
bruce credibility
they were like we're gonna try and mix it i'm like what what are you doing no
there was a few like
things that white comics thought if they did it on stage it made them badass i
bought into that shit
like trying to do an aids joke aids isn't funny oh yeah yeah watch this yeah
bombed it bombed
well you know i think when you're younger you know when you first start out
that's why like i never
like you know comics in like their 20s right into like that mid 30s you're
still trying to i feel
you're trying to figure out you know who you are what you're going to be doing
what you're going to
be talking about so you just try different styles so like if i see somebody all
of a sudden out of
nowhere they're the leather jacket comic i'm like all right i went through that
phase everybody goes
through that am i the next bill hicks i guess i'm not no no or you or whoever
is hot right now
is um you'll see uh up-and-comer comics you're like oh wow there's somebody
doing todd berry there's
somebody doing mitch headberg whoever is but like whoever is super hot right
now so like the
super hot one would be um people doing mulaney you know what i mean stuff like
that oh is that
really you know first time i ever worked with mulaney i think the only weekend
i ever did he either
opened or featured for me it's zany's in chicago yeah that little great little
room yeah and i don't
think i've ever seen somebody as big a no-brainer that that guy's gonna be huge
yeah he was i swear
to god i i feel like he was as good as he is now then he went on stage and i
was watching him i was
like this guy sounds like a broadcaster like he's been on tv he already sounded
like he had been on tv
for like 20 years right um i'd never seen anything like that and like you know
there's been people
where you know they'll book something i was like holy shit you know so and so
got that that's amazing
him i wasn't surprised or anything i was like oh yeah totally yeah that makes
sense my big surprise
was uh him i thought like uh he was gonna get weekend update i was like oh my
god he'd be a
fucking monster on that on snl yeah i thought that i thought that that was the
next move in that
whole thing but i think i think everything worked out for both shows both
people yeah yeah we're
talking entertainment here with jim gaffigan we're talking movies it's like i
we got to see the two
shot of seeing these two like it looks like a joke how white we are no it does
yeah nobody
nobody would look this way if people didn't notice as comedians they'd see that
atc and they'd be
all right arian time capsule something
it's like this is like arian time capsule we're gonna take you back when america
was great all right
we're talking uh minnesota high school hockey uh oh man um so you're here to
promote something i know
you i know you just didn't come out here and to shoot the shit with me i am flattered
no i appreciate
you letting me come on it was a tough decision yeah well you know i'm uh doing
a special on netflix
and uh i'm it's coming oh did you go home to mommy i went home i begged i
begged ted to take me back
and he was like who are you no i uh you were 93 specials ago and i was like
yeah i would you know
and so uh we'll see what happens you know i mean i think it'll be all right you
know are you touring
in 2022 i had a bunch of shows rescheduled that um well so it looks like january
i'm off i was supposed
to do some shows in the middle east but i don't know with the latest thing if
everything's going to
shut down over there all right um international travel travel wise but are you
going out yeah because
i realized that people are just going to do whatever they want to do yeah so i
mean at some
point i have bills like anybody else so i'm just going to do it and i'm going
to do it how i want
to do it and yeah people you know don't like that you gotta you know be vaxxed
or whatever i totally
get it there's comics doing shows that you don't have to be they'll go see them
i think it'll all work
out and i think eventually doctors will figure out how to beat this thing like
they do everything
yeah and you know and that whole fucking false thing what's the last thing they
fucking i don't
hpv they just fucking knocked that out yeah they can grow an ear in a petri
dish like i don't think
you're really giving these guys the fucking credit they deserve and you know we've
always done you
know like you perform it at some casinos and they won't let people in that are
under the age of 18 or
21 you're like well that's different than making people shoot shit into their
body i understand if you're
fucking paranoid and stuff like that i mean pharmaceutical companies also did
come up with
synthetic heroin and killed a bunch of americans and nothing happened to them
so i can i can understand
on some level that but you know people you know i don't know i just think the
thing about me with
this thing is that because it affects everybody they don't want to kill
everybody then they have to
dig their own ditches right yeah i don't know i just said fuck it dude i use
those self-checkout
things now i used to face hey fuck this i'm not working now i just don't give a
fuck anymore
because i gave a fuck and giving a fuck is exhausting because no one else comes
along and
then you're just standing out there at the front of the titanic taking that
fucking iceberg in the
face you know i put in my time i gave a fuck i passed the fucking you know i
pass it on to
somebody else can fucking fight that fight i'm done with it yeah i just want to
sit on my back porch
and stare at the fucking trees i really do yeah for about like a good three
months i think that would
do wonders for me it is amazing how the lockdown we rented a place in westchester
and it's how quickly
i was like i just like gardening like it just was it didn't take long for me to
be like i like i like
putting my hand in mud yeah i i didn't think about uh stand up the whole
lockdown happened in march i
didn't think about it at all in april and may and as far as i was kind of like
oh good i kind of need
a break man i've kind of been almost going for 30 straight years and then by june
i had this really
scary thing where like i wasn't even thinking about it yeah and i was like oh
my god this is how people
stop doing stand up it's that easy i used to think it was going to be like
kicking and screaming it is
as easy as just not doing it for three months and then you just fucking move on
to something else
because i can tell you dude i could literally eat drink and smoke myself to
death with enough time off
i could literally do it if i didn't have kids and all that type of shit i could
there's a 600 pound
person in me i would be a fucking house and i would be love i mean it'd be a
hell of a way to go out
there's something to be said about that though by the way what's that enjoying
the way out just dying
at 58 and every slice you want to have slice of pizza yes i do yeah and just
fucking you want a
cupcake i'd love one you know got all this salt in me why the fuck not have you
tried this bourbon
no i haven't i would i would love some would you like another glass i would
yeah you smoke cigarettes
just not i do not just editing at all not well i mean at all watching me tv all
of these guys would
fucking drop at 58 60 yeah and i remember hearing like uh jackie gleason was
like that yeah like his
doctor you got to take the weight off you got to quit smoking he was like look
doc i'm gonna do what i
want to do i'm gonna enjoy life and the day i fucking drops the day i drop and
i mean you know
this it's your i look at it this way it's your life it's also your depth so if
that's how you want
to fucking do it then you know i you know go ahead and do it same thing that's
how i look at the shit
now i mean if you want to fucking not get vaccinated you want to risk getting
this shit i don't want to
get it yeah i don't want to get the shit and like in the oh you don't know the
long-term
side effects of the vaccine we both know somebody that got it twice and it's no
fucking joke it's
no i don't know who you're talking about i know a guy who got it twice and then
when i saw him he
was still not wearing a mask and i was just like yeah i got the antibodies i go
but dude there's a
new variant out there it's just like no if it's the same guy i'm talking about
he was i you know
like i was like i hope you feel better and he goes it is no like it was just a
text he's like it is
no joke he goes this is like so and this is round two so i think it's i might
be thinking
my heart doctor today was talking to me about going on rounds with people on
ventilators just
going like you knew they were gonna die like 