Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-2-22
Uploaded: 2022-02-03T21:01:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-2-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-2-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-03. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-2-22

hey what's going on it's bill burn it's time for the thursday afternoon just
before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in on you
seeing how you're
doing how your life's working out how you've been since monday if you listen
all the time why do i
have this hat on all right um sorry anyway um all freckles covid negative negator
negative so there you go there you have it i am part of the statistics um you
know and i got both
shots and i got the booster so i didn't even know i fucking had it unless i
tested then i tested i
realized i had i thought i just had a little scratchy throat there which
happens from time to
time um but i am calling it the shot from now on it's not a vaccine a vet let
me look up a definition
of a vaccine vaccine doesn't that mean you get it once and then you can't get
the shit
although i know it was for the 19th not the omicron it was for the star wars
version not
the empire strikes but active uh vaccine definition
a substance used to simulate the production of ant uh of antibodies and provide
immunity against one of
several diseases prepared from the caustic costative agent of the disease its
product or a synthetic
substitute treated to act as an antigen without inducing the disease okay so it's
still so it isn't just you
you get it you're done
how long
should vaccines
oh wait i got one
what's the difference
between a vaccine
and a shot
by the way for all you non-vaxxers i am not microchipped and i didn't grow a
foot where my dick was
whatever dumb shit you thought was going to happen
um immunization
or vaccination what is the difference
let's see let's see
so maybe you can still call it a vaccine
uh how does immunization work the term vaccine this is funny this is like
literally what people do
and then 10 minutes later they feel like they have a strong
like argument this is what i'm doing right now people on both sides do this let
me google this
and then i'll google that and now i'm ready to argue who wants some
um i don't know i don't know what the fuck it is all i know is i got the shots
and uh
i was fine i smoked cigars every day i had covid and i felt fucking great
i've seen the people that didn't get the shit and they were fucking gray
um they did not look so hot oh god dude i was fucking shit dude i'll tell you
you don't want to get it man you don't want to get it that's all i heard
um so plowing ahead um all right so because of covid i had to reschedule my uh
fantasy fantasy
springs resort date in palm springs california my apologies uh for the late
cancellation i was hoping i was going to test uh negative but it did not happen
um so uh there's still a few tickets left because i know some people
were traveling in to see the show and they had to give up their tickets i feel
bad about that
you can go to billburr.com um to get for the ticket links links there's some
left once again my apology
apologies to people i don't know i mean it was beyond my control um yeah so
there you go um
by the way so even though i've been really busy lately i'm trying to put this
project together
out here i'm out in hollywood people i'm developing a project
uh i actually got to watch the third period of the bruins versus the kraken kraken
look out for the kraken
um they're kind of a piece of team they're not fast so they just try to injure
you
it kind of seems how they play um you know kind of a throwback team they don't
have any wheels
they're expansion team so it's like all right you're faster than we are so i
guess uh boarding
is on the fucking it's on the plate i don't know at the last second he turned
so it wasn't
um and then i watched the celtics the uh last quarter and a half of them
beating the hornets just
letting the hornets hanging around got hornets just kept playing and we kind of
felt like we had them
beat and um i don't i like watching the celtics when i get when i finally get a
chance it was weird
my kids were in a decent mood as far as they they were cool with watching uh
with watching what they
call daddy tv which is anything that isn't like you know puppy dog pals that
baby spider-man with the
like the brother and sister spider-man whatever that one's called um which is
the guy the guy who wrote
that music i just saw is the guy from panic at the disco i want to say i i
missed that whole decade of
music no fallout boy fallout boy there you go the lead singer that wrote all of
this music and he
taught himself like the trumpet i was watching this whole thing on it it was
amazing so um
anyway moto gp starts this month i think f1 starts next month march madness is
coming up
it's all good stuff all of it all of it all of it great news sports wise to
take my mind off of two
things one there's only one football game left this year ah super bowl you know
by the way speaking of
the super bowl you know i'm a weirdo i went on ebay and i was looking for afl
football cards
you know to see you know if i could get a babe pirelli or something like that
why not right what
else am i gonna do read a book you know that ain't happening this isn't why you
tune into this podcast um
so i was looking that up and i somehow got into like memorabilia and all of
that and this person is selling this
super bowl two green bay packers button i want you guys to look this up because
i think it's a fake
they want 700 something dollars for it it says afl versus nfl and then on the
top it says super bowl
now as far as my knowledge of nfl football the first two games were called the
nfl afl championship
game it was not called the super bowl until super bowl three and then retroactively
historically
they called the first two afl nfl uh championship games super bowl one and
super bowl two but they
were not called that um and i don't even think that the the phrase was even
coined until then so i'm
sitting there going like wait a minute is this a fake i was all excited like i
was a sleuth
and then maybe i could have i could have a side career on fake sports memorabilia
because i have all this useless knowledge about that shit like you ever
remember watching like pawn
stars and they'd have those experts come in on shit or i like watching stuff
where people tell
if it's like a fake cuban cigar or not that's a big one for me i like when i
see um
uh of fake guitars i followed this kid he collects guitars and he bought this
slash
model uh the snake pit one that had you know the snake on the on on the outside
and going up the
neck and all of this and uh they didn't make that many of them so the guitar is
worth like i don't
know 15 20 grand i don't know i don't think you're welcome to the jungle's
gonna sound any better on that
than on a hondo if you suck like me but anyway that's what they paid and he
found out
it's his excruciating video watching this guy find out that he blew 15 grand on
a fake
i think i did that too there was a guy advertising a snare drums uh played by
john bonham
and i paid i just bought it because i thought it was his then when i got i'm
like how the
can i even prove the system and i finally opened it up because i've had it for
years and i kind of
knew it was a fake and i was nervous to look at it and first of all it looks
like it's like a five inch
shell and he always played what was it no wait he played like a what was it six
and a half by 14 and
this thing was like a i'm like that's a that is just an old ludwig snare drum
that and they wrote bonham
on the uh on the drum case so i i don't know what to do with the thing i don't
even know i i got to
figure out they gave me like a certificate of authenticity well i can tell you
is this don't ever
buy something like that on the internet i remember one time i tried this is
this obscure prince album
you know that i always heard quest love talking about and i tried to buy one
off the internet paid
all of this money and the that came to me and it was some dude in japan i was
you know i was gonna chase the guy down to get my money back um
i don't know i don't know where i stand with counterfeiters there's something
hilarious about it
you know i think counterfeit money is the only thing that i really respect
but there is something funny that somebody is just just has the talent to make
something that actually
looks like the real thing but isn't and instead of just working for the company
in a legit way
they go the pirate route like they like there's no excitement unless there's
some sort of stealing
involved um let me look up something here the psychology of a counter they have
one of the serial killer of a
counterfeiter
the counterfeit self the deceptive costs of faking it counterfeit self the role
of the counterfeit self
well that's just not saying what you're thinking right the psychology of knockoffs
owning a counterfeit
version of a design okay here we go oh this is why people buy it they're not
saying why they make it
this is how i surf the internet i come up with weird theories and then um
jesus christ look at the fucking legs on her
um this website uses cookies oh does it so does the government i don't
understand why i don't
understand it says accept or reject and i just say reject like they're not
doing it anyway
um it has been argued the desire to own or at least to be seen to own luxury
goods combined with
influencer and social media driven culture reinforces the message that the
success is measured by the
the ownership of material goods has resulted in a toxic formula and i am out
i'm out
just the whole way that that was fucking written i'm just like this is just a
fucking
just skimming the surface article first and not even that i want to know why
i just i want to talk to a counterfeit well you just sat there
everybody thinks i got to go out and make money they don't really think i need
to make money you know
like literally that's funny if you're a counterfeiter what have you been up to
making money
what are you doing you know i'm in the paper industry um that is fascinating to
me like i cannot imagine
this how scared you are in the rush the first time you go out with your paper
you know
i'd counterfeit one dollar bills that's what i just go to titty bars no kid i
would counterfeit
one dollar bills
that's kind of rough though i know why they don't do it but i just figured no
one would be success
expecting that but then you would just so flood the market with these one
dollar bills every time
you bought something for a grant no this is what you do your partner in crime
has big fake tits
all right and she goes into the bank
every week with the garbage bag full of these one dollar bills you create a
fake w-2
at the local titty bar and they you know from some you know titty bar that
doesn't exist
or whatever right to the cayman island or some shit right an offshore titty bar
sorry i'm not the best at
this and she just goes in
and she drops the sack down
and then she doesn't withdraw it right and then you just have like the atm card
and then you just you
just work on that right and here's the thing she's a real stripper
that's it she's a real fucking stripper
so then what i do is you know 10 of her
shit at that point i might as well be doing fives and twenties but i feel like
they're gonna figure
don't take it to a bank they're gonna figure it out stupid idea stupid idea
okay this is what you do you get a stripper right you ask her what do you make
on any given night
what do you make and she tells you what you make or what the best dancer makes
and she goes in there when the dancer isn't looking she switch out
the uh the dancers you know real money with the fake money that i make
and then she'd take it down to the bank and she'd immediately get caught and
she said i got it at
work and then they would set up cameras then we get caught fuck this is hard
all right whatever
i'll get back to you on that one um anyway but well i'm kind of avoiding the uh
the biggest subject of
the week is uh unless you want to talk about real shit that's too depressing
just in the world of
like i don't wa