Name: Monday Morning Podcast 3-14-22
Uploaded: 2022-03-15T21:32:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 3-14-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 3-14-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-15. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 3-14-22

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, March 14th.
I'm doing it on the 15th. I'm buried in this movie. I apologize.
And this thing's only going to be a half hour long.
Just ride with me for the next three weeks and then I'll be wrapped on the
movie.
We'll be doing podcast sliders.
You guys are going to drop some pounds here the next few weeks.
Yeah, I've just been busting my ass and I was going to try to do the podcast
Sunday night.
And, or maybe Monday, I don't even know what happened.
Monday, I ate a salad, you know, because I'm trying to be an actor shape.
And I fucking, and then I had a slice of Domino's pizza and I got, all of a
sudden I felt bad.
I was just like, was that the Domino's pizza?
And everybody, you know, on set's going, well, dude, you've been eating so
clean.
You probably got a lactose intolerance, you know, from the pizza, whatever.
I'm like, well, you know, you kind of have to be like at least a 12 pack in for
Domino's to taste good.
Or at least have an edible, you know, so I was kind of blaming the pizza.
And I got to tell you something, I got to apologize to Domino's pizza.
It wasn't the pizza, it was the salad.
And I ended up getting like some low level of food poisoning.
Dude, I got to tell you something.
Um, I went to bed that night and had to get up like three times an hour the
whole night.
And it was the exorcist and the sequel at the same time, if you know what I
mean.
Let's just say, uh, uh, the salad utilized every exit.
But what was amazing was I got this great night's sleep despite getting up what
felt like two to three times an hour because I was so exhausted.
My body was so worn out from fighting this thing that my big head would hit the
pillow and I would immediately just hit REM sleep.
And I woke up, I was weak as hell, and my lower back was killing me from convulsing
over the fucking toilet.
I mean, like this shit would not stop coming out until it was just bile.
Um, but I got to tell you something, I don't mind puking.
I know there's a lot of people, they hate puking.
I actually, I think the noises you make are fucking hilarious when you go,
you know, when you get really towards whatever is left, you know, just laugh.
I was kind of cracking up, and then, uh, and then after you puke, you feel so
much better.
You feel so much better.
Like, uh, underrated.
Underrated.
The feeling right after puking.
I'm not talking about the embarrassment or shame, you know, if you're like a
fucking parking lot, you know, before a game, tailgating.
I mean, that's, that's kind of, that's not a good feeling.
But like, you know, there's just something in your body, and your body wants it
out of you.
Puking's also underrated, because it's getting it out way quicker than on the
other end.
Because the other end, it got into you, it went through the whole thing, you
know.
It kind of got past that first line of security.
And then it got into your intestines, and that's when people start whispering,
like, what the fuck is this?
And then, all right, buddy, it's time for you to go, right?
And that's it, right?
That actually, my, Jim Brewer used to have this great fucking bit about your
stomach puking.
Something, the stomach was like the bouncer, and it got everybody out of the
club.
Wow.
I just went back almost 30 years in the fucking comedy brain there.
Anyway, so, so you know what you do after you have a night of that shitting and
puking and everything, you know?
If you're a big Hollywood phony, the first thing you do when you wake up, what
do you do?
Do you get some electric, electrolytes?
Do you drink some Gatorade?
No, you jump on the scale, and you're like, whoo, drop two and a half pounds,
baby.
I know, it's sad, it's pathetic, but it is what it is.
I'm recording this on my phone because I can't find my other thing because my
life is a mess right now.
But I will tell you this, the movie is going, it's going amazing.
It's really going amazing, and I got a very nice letter from the people that
gave us the money saying how much they're enjoying the daily.
So I don't know, I'm getting a little excited here, getting a little excited.
What's going on out in the world?
Only thing I know is the gas prices are high, which this is yet another time
where I thought I would just wish regular people were organized.
You know, it's like we told, we made, we made the gas prices go down to like
two bucks a gallon, a dollar, 90 a gallon in 2020
by all staying home and not driving.
Granted, the government told us to stay home.
I ain't fucking staying home.
I don't trust the government.
They're bombing Iraq.
That's great.
Support the troops.
Anyway, you know, we made it go down.
So why don't we just all just like drive less?
If you're working somewhere and somebody lives kind of near you, why don't you
commute?
Fuck these gas companies.
Okay.
They keep doing this shit where it was like they didn't know the pandemic was
coming.
So they had all of this fuel and then we didn't use it.
So the supply and demand thing.
So then we start buying it again.
And then what do they do?
They stop producing it.
And then they're like, oh, we don't have as much.
They do it on purpose.
They're greedy cunts.
They pay all the politicians, the Republicans, the blue ties, the Obamas, the
Trumps, the Bidens, the Clintons.
They pay all of them.
They pay all of them.
You know, and so they don't do anything about it.
But we have, we have the power, man.
But you get the power, then you don't drive your car.
Then you get the girl, right?
We have the power to just make it go back down again.
Just don't fucking drive.
If you can, you know, or whatever.
Commute with somebody else.
All right?
Do your part this week to fuck over the fucking oil companies and drive less or
commute.
Or stay home one day when you were going to go out.
Or ride your bike.
Do something like that.
Fuck these fucking greedy cunts.
Who create a shortage on purpose so they can try to make up all the money they
lost in 2020.
It's fucking disgusting.
I saw a thing the other day, you know.
They're trying to, all these fucking Trumpsters are trying to say that Donald
Trump was right about the fucking oil and all of that shit.
It's fucking hilarious.
He was right about the oil.
Well, yeah, well, so was Jimmy Carter, but he wore the wrong color fucking tie,
right?
Jimmy Carter made that same fucking speech in the late 70s.
He said this country is addicted to oil.
He put solar panels on the fucking White House.
Then he was viewed as weak.
And then 40 fucking years later, a guy with a red tie says the same goddamn
thing minus the solar panels.
And he's considered a fucking god by the same people that thought the other guy
was a fucking weak person.
All right.
Now, I'm not just going after conservatives here because if the exact same
thing happened reverse where a red tie guy said it, the blue tie people won't
listen to him.
What are you saying here, Bill?
I don't know what I'm saying.
I'm just, I don't know.
It's fucking unbelievable.
All you got to do is have a fucking different colored tie and people get like
hypnotized and they won't fucking listen to it.
Oh, gee, Bill, you're so goddamn smart.
I know.
I know.
But I think I do make some good points here.
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Read some of the questions.
Some of the questions here.
Oh, some of the advice here.
Now, you know, I said for the final time, you know, John Bonham's a better
drummer than Ginger Baker.
He just is.
For what he's doing, he's playing rock music.
He's better.
All right?
Ginger Baker had more in his vocabulary.
You know, he could do the jazz drummer thing.
But as one of my friends said, was he one of the greatest jazz drummers of all
time?
No, he was not.
All right?
Tony Williams fucking smoked that guy.
Elvin Jones smoked that guy.
Max Roach smoked that guy.
Buddy Rich smoked that guy.
But as far as rock drummers go, John Bonham's the greatest of all time.
All right.
That's my opinion.
Dear Bill Bonham, thanks for being such a funny bastard.
I've managed to get my mom hooked on your specials and she always puts them on
whenever I visit.
Oh, that's really nice.
I really dig your discussions on drumming and music in general, too.
And as far as the question, oh, let me talk about something right now.
You know, there's a show out right now called Pam and Tommy, where they really
try to make Tommy Lee out to be this really, like, sort of dumb guy.
Which is really a shame, because if you listen to the guy's drum parts in all
of his work throughout his career, Motley Crue, throughout everything,
he's a fucking genius.
And I know a lot of drummers out there, you know, they get into how difficult
something is and the technicality and what time signature it's in.
Like, what that guy does, he plays for the fucking song.
I was listening to that Wild Side today and just how he, that little break when
the band cuts out before they go into the chorus,
how each time, how he brings up the intensity of what he's doing to build the
momentum of the song.
And the originality and the drum parts that fit fucking perfectly with the song.
Okay, you're not, you're not a mouth-breathing moron.
I do know it's just a TV show, but that's been bugging me, because I gotta be
honest with you, whenever I sit down to try and learn a Motley Crue song, I am
always blown away by the drum part, like, why the fuck did he come up with that?
You know?
And there's a lot of cunts out there, young cunts that