Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-17-22
Uploaded: 2022-03-17T21:20:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-17-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-17-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-17. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-17-22

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I am just checking in on you.
Just checking in to see how the hell you're doing on this wonderful Friday that
also happens to be St. Patrick's Day.
Oh, the legend. The legend of St. Patrick. I'm looking it up right now. What
happened?
Did he chase the rats out of fucking town so everybody could go back to boozing
in peace?
What happened? The legend of St. Patrick. There are many legends associated
with the life of St. Patrick.
According to one, he miraculously drove all the snakes of Ireland into the sea.
He is said to have used the three leaflets of the shamrock to explain the
concept of the Holy Trinity.
The Holy Trinity. Is that garlic, onions, and something else in New Orleans?
He reportedly raised as many as 33 people from the dead.
Oh, this guy's like Irish Jesus.
Except typical Irish guy. He didn't do it for himself like Jesus did, the
selfish hippie.
He did it for other people.
He did it for other people.
And then they were like, Patty, St.
St. Patty, you all right?
And he's just like, yeah, I'm good.
Well, don't you want to fucking live forever?
No. No, I'm fine.
No, I'm fine, laddie.
You just go on and you're fucking whatever the fuck you want to do.
Anyway, happy St. Patrick's Day to everybody.
If you're smart.
Oh, shit, my kid's taking a nap.
Sorry.
If you're smart, you know, and you're of a certain age, you'll stay out of the
bars.
I mean, this is just a shit show.
People just, they should be, you know, you go to a bowling alley, they give you
bowling shoes.
Like, this is the day they should just, you should come in, check your shoes,
and you get a pair of shoes to puke in.
Right?
The old puke and loafers.
There's a number on the back.
Every number says zero.
Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you.
I used to go out on St. Patrick's Day.
And, but I didn't, not very long.
By my late 20s, I was just like, all right, this is fucking stupid.
You know, this is the Valentine, this is Valentine's Day for alcoholics.
Wherever you can't get a fucking seat, everything's booked up, there's a line
everywhere, it's a big fucking pain in the ass, everybody's dressed like an
asshole, it's the exact same thing.
Why don't I go out boozing on the 18th, when I can get a seat when everybody's
hungover?
Same thing, right?
Celebrate your relationship on February 15th or 16th.
Although I think the restaurants are starting to get a little wise to it.
But they can't really justify it yet.
I think eventually they're going to move it to Valentine's Week.
Spelled W-E-A-K.
But fortunately, you know, most of the women that I've been talking to, they're
all like, yeah, I think it's fucking stupid.
Let's check this out here.
Wait, does that mean there's no snakes in fucking Ireland?
Are there?
Well, since St. Paddy left, they all came back.
Are there any snakes in Ireland?
Wow, that's a nice setup for a joke.
Yeah, talk to my neighbor.
All right, Ireland is one of many countries where there are no snakes.
Wow, they must be fascinated by those fucking things.
There's snakes in my country and I fucking, I'm freaked out by them.
You just can't tell where they're going.
You know what I mean?
They got too many moves.
You just got to stare at the head.
You know, you're a running back.
You just, you know, you just look at their hips.
Aim for that shit.
Don't go for the head movement.
The snake's the exact opposite.
Right?
Fucking sidewinder looking at you.
He's going to the side.
They got to have something called a snake killer, right?
Big goddamn pole with a fucking meat cleaver on it.
No snakes in Ireland.
Isn't that amazing?
I guess they can't swim, huh?
They must have missed the boat.
Because according to, you know, these fucking people here, whatever you call
them,
the people that actually study, like, land.
What do you call those people?
Landscapers?
Horticulturists?
No, smarter than a landscaper.
Smarter than a horticulturist.
Smarter than a paleontologist.
They, like, hang with paleontologists.
Like, they give each other a little tip of the cap.
And I think they look down on horticulturists, botanists, landscapers.
Like, landscapers are the cigarette smokers of people that work with the land.
You know?
Despite, I feel, their work is displayed more often than anybody else's.
You know what I mean?
But then I think that kind of means you're more like that Andy Warhol guy.
Who, I have to tell you, is just, I don't get that shit at all.
It's a soup can.
I'm commenting on the fucking capitalism.
Oh, that's fantastic, Andy.
That's amazing.
You got anything else?
Would you paint a coat hanger with We Love Our Customers on it?
Painfully.
I'm going to look at it.
I went after Ginger Baker.
I'm fucking, I'm trying to get controversial here, man.
I'm trying to get more listeners.
All right?
I went after dead fucking Ginger Baker a couple weeks ago.
Now I'm going after dead Andy Warhol.
I will tell you the one thing I do feel for Andy Warhol is some psycho chick
shot him and really went to jail for like fucking, you know, a year or so.
And that was it.
And then years later, he died from complications from those gunshots.
Although, I don't know.
If you talk to so many people that hung out with him, he said he was a bit of a
toxic cunt.
But that doesn't mean that some, what was it?
She called it the scum manifesto.
That's what it was.
You know what I mean?
This is back when they, you know, if they just had social media back then, she
could have just tried to cancel him through like, you know, Twitter or
something.
But back then, you know, if you were an angry white woman, you had to take the
matters into your own hands.
And even then, you still got treated like a white chick.
I know what a lot of you white broads are thinking.
Bill, you got a lot of nerve as a white male saying this shit.
It's like, well, I'm just trying to get you guys to sit down at your seat at
the same table.
There's something that's been bugging me throughout this whole fucking air
quote movement.
The way fucking white women have been doing, you know, not all white women.
I won't say it all, but the fucking loudmouth ones.
To keep trying to, if I see one more white woman talking about what a fucking
victim she is, I'm really only talking about one in particular.
Anyway.
What am I doing here?
Snakes in Ireland.
St. Patrick's Day.
This is going to be yet another podcast slider.
I am in the middle of an acting gig here.
I will be halfway done with it later on this week.
So I don't have a lot of time to pay attention to what's going on in the world,
which is why I'm bringing up people that died years ago and saying that they're
not good.
What other dead person are you going to go after, Bill?
You already went after Jesus, too.
You called him a hippie.
It's not like there was a barbershop on every corner back then.
You know, I don't think he was a hippie.
I don't think hippies walking around and let other people wash their feet.
Although I think that that was a really like, you know, I think it was a way to
show respect back in the day.
I can't be.
I don't think there could ever be a time that that was.
You know, I love all of that shit, though.
Remember that time those, you know, that guy in the Middle East threw his shoes
at fucking George W. Bush?
You know, and the way he ducked and got out of the way, you knew he had no
business being president.
You know what I mean?
Because he fucking ducked those things like a champ.
Politicians are stiff as a fucking board.
His fucking eyes lit up like Mike Singletary when he saw that guy stand up and
he fucking ducked twice.
You know, it was funny is then they dragged the guy out and he didn't have his
shoes either.
I want to know why that's such a fucking insult.
That is that is one of the, you know, there's the white glove across the face.
Different cultures.
Wait, wait.
Throwing shoes.
Side of offense.
Throwing shoes.
Insult.
All right.
Shoe throwing or shooing.
Shooing the soles of one's shoe or use shoes to insult are forms of protest in
many parts of the world.
Oh, shoe throwing as an insult dates back to ancient times.
Times being mentioned in the verse 8 of Psalm 60 and the similar verse of 9 of
Psalm 108 in the Old Testament.
Well, can you give me a fucking quote?
List of shoe throwing incidents.
All right.
Here we go.
I mean, I got to go Mike Milbury.
Mike Milbury fucking.
U.S.
President George W. Bush.
Ducking a shoe.
While Iraq Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maki attempts to catch it.
Wait, if he catches it, does that mean you're out?
Is it like dodgeball?
Do you not get to fucking be offended again?
Shoe throwing or shoeing.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
The Psalm, all that shit.
Modern incidents where shoes were thrown at political figures have taken place
in Australia.
Oh, look at that.
Australia.
Looks like you have a bunch of cunts down there, too.
India.
Ireland.
Taiwan, Hong Kong, Pakistan, the United Kingdom, United States, and most
notably, the Arab world.
Protesters of George W. Bush's face have long appeared through the Middle East
with shoes attached to them.
And some people have called former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Kondera,
Kondera, I guess, Lisa Rice, meaning shoe.
Shoeing received attention after, I can't say these, Muntadhar Al-Zady.
Threw his shoes at then U.S. President George W. Bush in a 14th of December
2008 press conference in Baghdad.
I don't know how the fuck these politicians do that shit.
Just be the mouthpiece for these corporations, and then everybody fucking blames
you and not the fucking corporations.
And you're walking around just being like, you know there's an entire country
that wants to throw their shoes at me because of what they think I wanted to do?
Well, it's good to know we still arrive.
How about a shout out for Muntadhar Al-Zady?
You know, you got to do that.
I mean, you got to, I mean, at some point, what are you going to do?
You just sit there and let these fucking assholes come into your country?
You got to, you got to say something, right?
I'm just trying to fill, you know, by the way, I'm not trying to be anti-American
here.
I'm just trying to follow the narrative that we now have.
Now we are against more powerful countries invading weaker countries.
So I'm just trying to, trying to toe the line, man.
You know me, government told me to wear a mask, I wore a mask.
And now they're telling me that I shouldn't be, you know, supporting Russia
going in a more powerful country going into, you know, the fucking Ukraine.
So now we, it's just 1984.
So now we fucking, we go all the way back, we change everything.
Am I doing it right?
Am I doing the math right?
I have fucking no idea.
I have no idea what's going on in the world.
Um, which is why I'm talking about some guy who threw his shoes at George Bush.
I remember being really disappointed that he missed him.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I always root for the president.
You know, I got to tell you something.
Speaking of that, uh, I really missed sideways at the podium, Donald Trump.
You know, I really fucking miss.
I don't miss anything else about that guy.
Um, other than the bizarre following that he has where people actually think he's
a smart guy.
When it's right there for everyone to see that the guy couldn't even keep a
fucking casino going in a casino town.
He takes advantage of bankruptcy laws and fucks over the working man.
Like, fuck you.
I'm bigger than you.
Sue me.
Any chance he gets.
You know?
And then how does he act?
How do his followers act when they find that out?
The working class people that so love that guy?
They act like Houston Astro fans.
Everybody steals sides.
Right?
Ah, he fucked over the working.
Hey, they all do it.
Wait a minute.
I did that as a Patriots fan.
All right.
I'm a hypocrite.
Um, but I don't do it.
Potex makes me better.
Yeah.
Um, March Madness has arrived, ladies and gentlemen.
And it's time for you to take your hard-earned money that you 