Name: Monday Morning Podcast 4-4-22
Uploaded: 2022-04-04T22:13:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 4-4-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 4-4-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-04. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast 4-4-22

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, April 4th, 2022.
I cannot believe April 4th is here.
This is the final shoot day. It was supposed to be. We got a little something
we got to do tomorrow.
But like, we're going to be wrapped on this movie. I can't believe it.
I had so much fun doing it. And now, of course, you know, take a week off.
Then we got to start editing the thing. But I can't believe we got here.
It seems like it went by fast and it also feels like it took 30 years.
I had an awesome time. And oh, am I looking forward to getting out and doing
some stand up dates?
Oh, Billy shit talk. Oh, Freckled Fury is coming your way.
I'm going to be in Birmingham, Alabama, Alabama on Thursday.
What would that be? April 8th and then Friday, April 9th.
I'm going to be in Macon, Georgia, Georgia. Oh, Georgia.
You looked at. Oh, I got the dates wrong. Thursday, April 7th.
I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama.
And then in Friday, April 8th, I'll be in Macon, Georgia.
All right. And I am planning on like I am.
I cannot fucking wait.
To be involved in something where you do it once and how it came out is what it
is.
And we're moving on something that exists in real time.
You want an hour of comedy? It takes 60 minutes.
I was so excited today.
It's Sunday night.
Getting to ready to do the last day and a half on this movie.
Club Soda Kenny was was driving me down the street and I was literally had my
head out the window like Ace Ventura.
Just going the whole fucking way.
And you know what?
You know what?
I'm going to smoke a fucking cigar tonight.
Look at the lines and the shots we have to do tomorrow.
And and then I'm going to start putting this thing together.
But what what an experience.
I learned so much, learned so much.
So anyway, a lot of things have happened on my kid.
My son's crying down there.
I got to try to sneak this podcast in.
It's probably going to be in two parts.
He's going to cry like that.
That makes me feel bad.
Oh, that's the cry he does when something's taken away from him.
Anyway, shout out to North Carolina Tar Heels and the Kansas Jayhawks for
making it to the championship game, which will be played tonight to decide who
is the greatest basketball team in the NCAA for 2021-2022.
Congratulations to the Carolina Tar Heels beating Duke the last two times Coach
K was going to play him.
That's the only thing that hurts as a fan of greatness, a fan of of, you know,
college coaches, professional coaches.
You got to love a legendary coach.
And I feel like Coach K is up there on the top shelf.
And it was tough to see him lose to Carolina twice.
But Carolina deserved it.
They won the game.
And, I mean, one of the greatest coaching careers in any sport.
Transcended his sport.
Shout out to Coach K.
Krzyzewski.
I can't tell you how many times I learned how to spell that and then
immediately forgot.
And Carolina versus Kansas.
Two other programs that I absolutely love.
Who are you going for, Bill?
I don't know.
I got to go with Kansas, I think.
You know, it's one of my bucket list things is to go to the game, do a game
there.
What do they call it?
The Fieldhouse or whatever.
I got to go to that.
And North Carolina.
I've never been to a Carolina basketball game in the Dean Dome.
I got to do that also.
And, yeah, I told you, I have this weird thing where I like Carolina and I like
Duke.
And I went to NC State for a couple of semesters, took a few classes before,
you know, I realized I just was not on the path I needed to be on.
Nothing against NC State.
But I remember being down there, going to Daryl's Restaurant right there, down
there on whatever the fuck street that was.
Hillsboro.
That's back when they had Charles Shackelford, Chucky Brown, right?
Something like that.
I was trying to remember their team.
And also when the end zone seats were grass, because I went to an NC State game
way back in the day.
They went to the Reynolds Coliseum.
I saw, who did I see there?
I saw Aerosmith on the permanent vacation tour.
And I saw Def Leppard on the done with, on the done with mirrors, on the hysteria
tour.
You know what?
I got it.
My kid's flipping out.
I got it.
I got to handle this shit.
I'll be back in a second.
All right, I'm back.
Tragedy averted.
I knew he wasn't crying.
That was the something else cry.
He wasn't hurt.
He had a cookie and then he wanted another one.
And he got the Heisman, so he was not happy.
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Baseball season is starting.
Wrapping on the movie.
Birmingham, Macon, Georgia.
We got all of that shit going on.
This will be my last Monday morning podcast slider.
As of next week, they'll go back to being an hour long.
So let's do some of the reads for the week, man.
Let's see what we got here.
What are people saying?
Oh, by the way, are the Celtics in first place in the East?
Is that what somebody tried to tell me?
I watched the end of some game.
Indiana.
Jesus Christ.
Both teams were shooting the lights out.
Let's check out the NBA standings there.
NBA standings.
Okay, here we go.
What do we got here?
We're a second seed?
Get the fuck out of here.
We must have been.
We went on an eight and two tear right there.
Must have done that a couple of times.
Last I saw, we were in the middle of the pack.
I know we got the Milwaukee Bucks coming up in the 76ers.
Some big tests early.
We'll see how it goes.
All right, so people wrote in.
I was talking about having mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving, which is a white
person staple.
It's, you know, when you go outside the arena there, people are looking at you
like, what's going on here?
So people are weighing in on mashed potato.
What's up, old Billy Tater Tits?
Lady listener here in a mass hole here.
I wanted to share my love for mashed potatoes and the absolute horror I had at
my first Thanksgiving with my boyfriend, now husband's family.
I'm a white chick, mostly Italian and Irish.
My husband is Puerto Rican.
Now to me, mashed potatoes are a must at Thanksgiving.
Yeah, it just is.
It is.
With the fucking gravy, the fucking turkey and the stuffing.
That's the triangle offense.
Got to have the cranberries, you know.
And you go from there.
Mac and cheese, whatever.
Top it off with some stuffing and gravy.
Oh my God, it's a party.
That's it.
That's it.
So we get to his family's house and I'm looking around for mashed potatoes and
I don't see any.
My husband brings me over to the mashed potatoes and it's fucking potato salad.
Half smushed potatoes with mayonnaise and eggs.
What are we, at a fucking barbecue?
Do they got hot dogs over there?
What's going on?
Don't get me wrong.
I love me some potato salad.
I actually don't.
Potato salad for me lives in the coleslaw world.
Coleslaw, I'll always look at coleslaw with the side eye.
I have to be honest.
Young people have to understand.
This coleslaw you're eating today is not the coleslaw that people grew up with.
Coleslaw, when I was growing up, was limp.
It was milky.
It was fucking gross.
You know what it really was?
It was a plate filler.
It was like when you went to a restaurant and they wanted to act like they gave
you two fucking sides and fill up the whole plate.
They gave you a big helping of coleslaw and it fucking sucked.
Finally, you know, and the shit would leak into your other food.
It was just a nasty virus of a food.
But now people have learned how to make it hearty.
So, but I would say potato salad.
I don't know.
I've just, I've never really had a good one.
It's just sort of like, I like potatoes.
You know, I like mayonnaise.
I like eggs.
I don't like it all together.
Anyway, don't get me wrong.
I love me some potato salad, but that's a summer dish.
Apparently, this is a Spanish thing because I asked all of my Puerto Rican
friends later and they agreed that those are mashed potatoes.
Those are not mashed potatoes.
They're cut up potatoes.
They're not mashed.
So now, every Thanksgiving, we argue over the fact that those are not true
mashed potatoes and I bring the white people potatoes so I can happily stuff my
pasty ass with its deliciousness.
Has anything like that ever happened to you and the beautiful Nia?
P.S.
Stop being insecure.
Nia is right.
The ladies love them some Billy Burr.
I don't even know what that's referencing.
Anyway, as far as the potatoes go, yeah, that mashed potatoes.
You just got to, at some point, you just have to understand that, like, you
know, there's going to be some confusion in the world.
You know, people travel.
It's the telephone game.
So I guess Puerto Ricans call potato salad, what we call potato salad, mashed
potatoes.
We call mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes.
Whatever the fuck it is.
I don't know.
I like potatoes, so I will tell you that.
I do.
And I got to be honest with you, potato salad is the one kind of potato I don't
like.
Anything else, you know, the potatoes and the clam chowder, which I was not a
fan of clam chowder.
I never liked it.
To me, it always looked like that shit a cow pukes up when it's going from
stomach number one to stomach number two.
I thought it was gross.
It just was always, just, blech, warm, yucky.
Didn't like it.
Until I got little kids, I literally just said yucky.
It was fucking disgusting.
There, is that adult enough for you?
And then I go down to Manhattan.
Oh, they put a little tomato fucking sauce in it.
All right, let me try this one.
It's terrible.
Terrible.
Now, you know, the cow puked and then had a period.
Oh, Bill, what are you doing?
Sorry.
But I had a great, I had a hearty clam chowder the other day.
It was like rained out here and ate everything.
And I had a really good one.
So, the potatoes and that I like.
I like the fried potatoes.
I like the tater tots.
Oh, Billy potato face here.
Going to go through all of it.
The only type of potato, I just don't like fucking potato salad.
All right?
So, there you go.
You know, a little insight on me.
You know?
Sweet potatoes, I like.
You know?
F1, dear Bill, your take on British Formula One commentators was so spot on and
so funny.
That's funny because the Lewis Hamilton fans, a couple of them got on me.
They think I don't like the guy.
I'm just, you know, whatever.
It's like when I get into college football, I start trashing Alabama.
I'm not going to just start rooting for them.
Did you know these commentators are just using a template made by the legendary
F1 commentator,
a legendary F1 commentator named Murray Walker?
I have to look this guy up.
This person says, when I first started watching F1 with my dad,
Murray was paired with world champion driver and shagger, James Hunt.
Jesus, that guy lived a life, huh?
Murray's voice would go helium pitched with enthusiasm,
and he'd often get his facts wrong in his excitement.
James Hunt, on the other hand, was calm and would coolly correct Murray,
but always showed the veteran race commentator respect.
Well, this James Hunt sounds like the coolest dude ever.
Murray was also a humble man and set himself up brilliantly in a Pizza Hut.
Oh, sent himself up brilliantly, made fun of himself,
in a Pizza Hut advertisement with Damon Hill.
Link below.
I did have some thoughts on fried chicken and mashed potatoes too,
but I'm sure you're sick of my voice already.
Thanks for all the laughs and warm regards to your family.
Well, let me see if I can find this link here.
I can at least tell you guys what it is.
I can tell you what it is.
Great emails.
Great emails.
Great emails.
Great emails.
Great emails.
Scrolling down.
And Damon Hill.
It just says Damon Hill Pizza advertisement.
Here we go.
Let's see.
It's go!
And Damon Hill leads into the first bend.
Murray.
There's been a shunt.
It's hell.
Murray, we're just out for quiet people.
Oh, I get it.
He's just going to be screaming like that.
It's not going to make any sense unless you know who the fuck he is and you're
watching the thing.
I get it.
And Lewis Hamilton.
Kayaking the English Channel.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.
There's a bunch of drunk cunts out there on boats.
We'll sli