Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-7-22
Uploaded: 2022-04-08T19:10:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-7-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-7-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-08. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-7-22

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you,
just checking in on you, seeing how you're doing.
Oh, Billy Freckles. Wrapped on the movie. I am done. I got to edit the thing
now, but the principal shooting, everybody is wrapped. It's done. It's in the
can, as they say in the industry. Very excited. Incredible experience, but I'm
out on the road right now.
I'm in Birmingham, Alabama. Home of the University of Alabama, Birmingham. We're
not in Tuscaloosa. Down here in Birmingham, went on a nice little fucking hike
with, not a hike, sort of a city walk with Joe Bartnick.
Went up to the, what do they got there? They got this giant biking at the top
of this hill. Beautiful. Beautiful view and all of that when we were up there.
Bartnick was like, this looks like the place where they, like, do the still
shot when they talk about the weather. You know, 75 degree high, low of 59, so
bring that windbreaker.
So anyways, I'm out here. I'm doing my first headlining gig since I can't
remember when. End of January, beginning of February.
And I was on the plane, man, the plane, when I was on the way out here.
And I just looked at this set list that I have, I have 17 new bits that either
I didn't do on my special that should be coming out in a couple of months.
And that I've written since, you know, I did, um, I taped my special.
So, fucks my water.
I have, um, they're about three minutes each, I would say on average.
So that's 51 minutes.
So the ways I see it is I have another 19 minutes that I need to write.
And when my special comes out, you will come and see me and I will have totally
different material.
Um, and that's it.
But until then, to fill in that extra 19 minutes, it'll be 19 minutes of shit
that's going to be on my next special.
So that's how the game works, everybody.
Right?
And I'll gradually weed that out.
You know what, that's the toughest thing for me on the writing a new hour is
getting the right closer.
Um, figuring out which is the one that goes last.
That's the hardest thing.
Other than that, it's just me running my yap, which I am good at doing.
Speaking of running, the Boston Celtics are fucking running the table lately.
They're playing the Milwaukee Bucks tonight.
Um, I've sort of been trying to keep an eye on them.
Obviously, it was a little busy there.
But, uh, dare I say, one of the hottest teams in the NBA right now at 50 and 30,
playing the Milwaukee Bucks tonight, 49 and 30.
I'm going to be doing a show, but I'm going to try to keep an eye on that.
Uh, Bruins have been playing well.
I know they lost to the Red Wings, but they, it looks like they won like,
like, three, four in a row.
Home and home, home and home against, uh, Columbus.
Getting all caught up here.
We have this new guy, what's his name?
Hampus Lindholm.
I see he had a lower body injury, but people say he wasn't limping around.
Imposter knocks out.
This is good, though.
Get all the injuries out of the way right before the playoffs.
Everybody comes back a little rested.
You watch Netflix.
You stretched your hammies.
And then hopefully we go on a little bit of a run here.
Um, but I got to tell you, I am, listen to me, I'm fucking, I'm talking a mile
a minute here.
I am so fucking excited to be doing stand-up, man.
I am so, I miss this shit.
Like, you, you cannot fucking believe.
Um, it really is, it's the greatest job in entertainment.
It just is.
It just is.
You know, you have to do an hour.
It takes an hour.
There's no meetings.
There's no circling backs.
There's no pre-meeting before the meeting.
There's no notes.
There's no nothing.
Get on stage.
Talk for an hour.
You're done.
Get out of the venue.
It's perfect.
It's fucking perfect.
So, um, I have some really big gigs coming up.
Um, and I'm just gonna be, you know, when I get back to LA, I'm just gonna be
doing stand-up.
Anywhere I can do stand-up and just get this fucking thing together.
Editing the movie during the day.
Playing with my kids in the late afternoon.
And then when I get them to bed, I'm going out, uh, to do stand-up.
And that is it, baby.
That's gonna be my life over the next, uh, couple of months here.
And, uh, I can't wait.
I can't wait.
And I feel like I'm a thousand pounds lighter today.
No more responsibility.
Um, at least for a week.
And then I go into the editing room.
But, uh, yeah.
Gotta thank everybody that I work with.
We just had the coolest fucking set ever.
Everybody was cool.
Everybody was mellow.
Everybody had a fucking great time.
The last day of the shoot, we brought in a cigar roller.
A little trick I learned when I did Pete Davidson's movie.
He brought somebody in.
And the cigars were delicious.
Everybody had a good time.
I had a little root beer.
Um, yeah, man.
It was fucking awesome.
So, anyway, I got out here last night.
Connected through Dallas.
We had this friggin' airplane where, uh, you know, you know, the captain gets
on.
And first of all, you know, if these fucking planes, you get on the planes,
they have the intercom on, like, full blast.
And this one was, like, extra full blast.
And in the past, I've asked them to turn it down a little bit.
And the stewardess always says, yeah, there's nothing we can do.
It's like, what do you mean there's nothing we can do?
Are you honestly telling me that they installed an intercom on full fucking
blast without a knob on it?
Is that what you're telling me?
What it really is, is they're lawyers.
Just in case somebody's hard of hearing, we have to have it up full blast so
nobody can sue us.
The guy next to me was literally blocking his ears.
It was so fucking loud.
Um, that's what it's gonna take.
Some ambulance chaser to say, they collapsed my eardrum.
So, um, anyway, the guy gets on.
Just, like, loud as shit.
She captains speaking, right?
And he's like, uh, we have a mechanical issue.
It's not the plane.
It's one of our mid-cabin laboratories.
I guess it was staking up the joint.
And I don't know what happened, but, like, I was, you know, listening to the
people working at LAX talking to the, uh, the male stewardess guy there.
And they were just like, yeah, you know, what do you want us to do about it?
And the guy was just like, this is how you talk to us?
It was really fucking unprofessional.
You know, whoever that guy at LAX was, he sounded like a guy who had to go fix
a public toilet.
So maybe it wasn't unprofessional.
Maybe it was just normal human behavior of, I don't want to fucking do that
shit.
So eventually they got it.
They got it done.
And, uh, we had to connect through Dallas.
And I never sweat that shit whenever they're like, you know, I might miss my
connecting flight.
It's just like, I know people in Dallas.
I'll call up Jeff Sewell.
Fucking one of my favorite little people in the business.
There's Peter Dinklage and then there's Jeff Sewell.
And, uh, I fucking, I would just hang out with him.
That's what I was thinking.
And I'll get a rental car and I'll drive across this great nation.
I'll go through Texas, Tyler, Texas, Homer Earl Campbell, childhood home.
And then I'll fucking go through Louisiana, through Mississippi, right in there.
I don't give a fuck.
Me and Barton, if we're riding there, we're like, fuck it, we'll get a fucking
rental car.
It'll be fine.
And because I didn't give a shit, if you believe in the universe,
not only did I make my flight, they changed my gate to being right next door.
You know, Dallas is probably the worst one I've ever had to connect in.
I really think that they installed the train going the wrong way.
Because every time I get there and I have to connect, my connection,
say if there's four terminals and, you know, the thing runs counterclockwise,
the train,
I'm always one terminal to the right.
So I have to go through all of the terminals to get, or you can run like a lunatic
with your bag.
I've never really figured out which one is quicker, but, um, yeah, I don't give
a fuck anymore.
You get to a certain age, you're just too old to run for a plane.
And it's just like, all right, either I make it or I'm going to find out what
local sports team is playing.
And I'm going to that game.
Tell me, what brings you to town?
I missed my connecting flight.
And you came out here to a fucking Tuscaloosa Wahoo game?
Yes, I did.
I don't give a fuck.
What division is this?
19?
Well, shit, let's get after it.
Then you meet people.
Next thing you know, you're shooting guns.
You join a hate group, and the next day you're at Hertz.
You act like it never happened anymore, and now you get back on your fucking
plane.
No, I shouldn't say hate group.
Just because we're down south doesn't mean that these white people down here
hate anybody else anymore.
Oh, shit, I'm going to talk about that tonight on stage.
That's a good way to get in with these people from Alabama.
By the way, somebody was sending me clips of Donald Trump.
And I have to tell you, he is one of my favorite accidental stand-up comedians
or comedic actors of all fucking time.
And I cannot take anybody seriously that voted for that guy.
I just can't.
I just, like, how many times can you look the other way with this guy?
Somebody sent me this thing.
He was talking about people throwing bags of soup at police officers.
He's like, heavy bags of soup.
He's just so full of shit that he just has to fucking, but, you know, they're
all full of shit.
Okay?
I'm not saying, oh, forgetful Freddy there isn't full of shit.
But, like, there has to be a certain level of intelligence.
You know, I mean, that's my fucking thing.
With sports fans, with nationalistic people, and then people who pick a
political party,
where they just get so into it that they get to the point that they can't call
a dumb cunt a dumb cunt
just because they're on your team, or they're wearing the political colored tie
you like, or they're from your country.
I mean, that's one of the fucking flaws of human beings, and I've been guilty
of it,
where you'd rather win than be right.
You know?
And you'd just be like, this guy's a fucking moron.
And then they'll be like, whoa, fucking so-and-so said some dumb shit.
It's like, all right.
Yeah, no, they're all dumb.
They're all dumb.
Just say it with me.
Just say it.
They're all, Joe Biden is like, that guy shouldn't even be, thank God he became
president.
We got him off the road.
He's not driving anymore.
Anyway, let's not get into politics, but it's just like, I, there's nobody in
the world that I love listening
try to convey an idea as much as, like, Donald Trump should have a fucking
Netflix special.
Like, when that guy isn't president, he is one of the funniest human beings I've
ever heard in my life.
He's like such a character, but then when he becomes, you know, I don't know,
like,
like Joe Biden would be fucking hilarious if he wasn't president.
Like, you start to wonder, like, it's like Weekend at Bernie's.
They just, like, wheeled the guy out with fucking sunglasses on.
I think it's a, what do the kids call it, a deep fake?
They probably have somebody else that still has their marbles together talking
for the guy.
Anyway, what's going on with Russia and, oh, my God.
I'm already, why can't I ever remember the name of that country?
Kiev, I can remember the name of the capital.
I, you know, I need, like, a fucking mental break is what I need.
Ukraine, Jesus Christ, the Ukraine.
Is that how you say it?
Kiev, Kiev, I don't know how to say it.
What's going on with that?
All of a sudden, like, they're not reporting on it.
I'm hearing that the underdogs are starting to win some fucking,
they're starting to win some, uh, let me see, like, who's winning here?
Because, I mean, you just got to be rooting for the Ukraine.
Ukraine, here we go.
Ukraine versus Russia.
Uh, who's, who's winning?
Because I saw some great shit where they were fucking, I don't know,
I feel like they're only showing us the highlights.
Ukraine, Russia, war, casualties.
So far, who's winning