Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-22
Uploaded: 2022-06-16T19:36:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-16. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-16-22

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you.
Just checking in on you. How's it going? How's your Thursday? No, seriously.
How is it going?
I'm out here seeing the family back east, doing some gigs. I'm in Wilkes Bar,
or Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania. I don't know how you say it.
I've always found Pennsylvania fucking depressing, unless I'm in Philly, or if
I'm in Pittsburgh.
There's just something about driving. There's certain parts of the country, I
don't know what the fuck it is.
I think it goes back to when no one knew who the fuck I was, and I was just
driving to some gig in the middle of fucking nowhere.
And I'd be driving out to like fucking Pennsylvania, like upstate New York.
I'm telling you right now, you want to see me in a bad mood, get me on the
fucking 87 North.
You know, there's some sort of cutoff. I don't know where it is. Somewhere
around Poughkeepsie.
You know, and I just drive. And what's funny is both Pennsylvania and New York
are fucking gorgeous.
Dude, it's fucking God's country.
Lush green fucking topography.
You know, all kinds of water on the geography.
I'd go under an oath with the stenography.
Sorry.
Yeah, they're fucking beautiful, but there's just something about it.
Just, I remember getting on the 87 North one time.
Oh my God.
I had this gig way in North, Northern Vermont.
And Jesus Christ.
You just rent a fucking car, and you just get in it, and you just point it at
Montreal, and you just started driving, and driving, and driving, and driving,
just fucking.
And at some point, you banged a right over the fucking Hudson River, and then
you were in Vermont.
And you're like, oh, wow, this is going to be great.
Doing a gig in Vermont.
I never did stand-up in Vermont.
Sorry, I just fucking woke up.
I never even did stand-up in Vermont.
I'd check another state off the fucking list.
Oh, Billy OCD.
You got to do stand-up in every fucking state.
Then I know, then I know that I can make everybody fucking laugh.
That's what I did.
All the way up to Vermont.
And I was working in this hotel or some shit.
And I remember this guy was middling for me.
He was a nice guy and everything.
This fucking asshole.
Was supposed to do, like, 20 minutes.
And on Friday night, he did, like, 37, which is just way fucking over.
I mean, headlining was 45 minutes back then on that gig.
This fucking asshole does 37.
And then he pulls the whole, oh, hey, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Some bullshit like that, right?
And the fucking next night, he went out.
He did close to, like, an hour.
And all he was trying to do was burn out the fucking crowd.
So when I went up there, there was, like, nothing left.
And I was so stupid, I believed him on the first show,
that he accidentally did 37 minutes.
The fucking guy was, like, 40 years old.
Back then.
Jesus Christ, he's got to be pushing 70 now.
That's what's getting scary, man.
That fucking gig was almost 30 years ago.
30 years ago, and here I am still bitching about it.
Rather than fucking, you know, I should have just gone up there,
you know, done the gig.
Got myself some syrup.
Whatever, whatever souvenir.
I don't know what the fuck you do.
I did some shows there.
I'm in New York City yesterday.
I went to the matinee showing of American Buffalo.
Which was absolutely incredible.
It's funny.
It's one of the few plays that I actually know.
I remember a long, long time ago.
I was taking, I was thinking of taking acting classes.
That's what it was.
I didn't even think to take acting classes.
What it was, was I ran into somebody
who was a comedian who got seen by somebody big
and had never taken acting classes
and they handed him a fucking script
and he didn't know what he was doing.
So he was telling me that story
and he had this look on his face
like he fucked up his whole career.
So I was like, well, shit.
I don't ever want to have that look on my face.
So, you know, I just,
I started taking acting classes.
So I remember before I took acting classes,
Bobby Kelly was like, dude,
come over to my apartment, dude.
We'll do some scenes, dude.
So you do something, dude,
before you go over there, dude.
And I was like, all right, cool.
So I went over there
and we did some scenes from American Buffalo
and I have not read the fucking thing since then.
This is yet another thing
that was like close to 30 years ago.
So anyways, I saw it.
It was the play starred Lawrence Fishburne,
Sam Rockwell,
and this kid, Darren Criss.
And they went out and just fucking killed.
First of all, I went into the theater.
It's that circle in the square.
That's what they call it.
I guess square meaning time square.
I didn't see a circle,
but I remember a long time ago,
I went there and I saw True West
with Philip Seymour Hoffman
and John C. Reilly.
So that's pretty cool.
You know,
as far as the actors I've seen in there,
Philip Seymour Hoffman,
John C. Reilly,
Lawrence Fishburne,
Sam Rockwell
and this new up-and-coming kid,
Darren Criss,
it was fucking amazing.
I remember I walked in the theater
and immediately,
the second I walked in the theater
and I saw the whole setup
and everything,
I felt like this real fucking excitement,
like this is going to be awesome.
This is going to be fucking awesome.
and, you know,
fucking lights go down,
the place is clapping and shit.
Then it gets quiet
and the lights come up
and fucking Lawrence Fishburne's on stage.
I'm like, literally,
I mean,
I was like at some points
when he was walking on the stage.
I was literally like,
you know,
10 feet away from the guy.
I'm like,
that's fucking Lawrence Fishburne.
I've been watching that guy
since Apocalypse Now.
Boys in the Hood,
The Matrix,
fucking decade after decade
after decade
of fucking incredible work.
And he's doing his,
you know,
the big opening with Darren
and they're both killing it
and then fucking
Sam Rockwell comes on
like fucking,
like a bolt of lightning
and then it just,
it goes,
it was so,
it went by so goddamn fast.
It was fucking amazing.
Absolutely incredible.
Hilarious,
dark,
the whole thing.
It was awesome
and I was actually thinking like,
wow,
this is fucking cool, man.
I'm in New York
and I'm at a Broadway
play
watching Amazing Acts.
It's like,
you know,
sometimes,
you know,
I just come to New York
and I just feel like,
you know,
I do my little small town shit.
This is where I get
my slice of pizza.
This is where I get a smoothie
if I'm trying to be good.
I'm going out to the club
and go do a spot.
The same shit I've been doing
since the fucking 90s.
But every once in a while,
I actually do some
New York shit.
I remember thinking like,
I'm in New York right now
at a Broadway play
watching fucking
three of the best actors
because I've seen it
in a fucking long time.
Made the trip feel like,
you know,
like worth it.
But I highly,
highly recommend it.
It's going until
July 10th,
you know,
and if you're one of these guys
where you're like,
dude,
I'm not fucking going to some,
see some fucking,
some,
you know,
fucking,
you know,
scooly boop,
fucking little stupid ass
fucking Broadway play.
I'm telling you,
if you're one of those guys,
you hate the theater,
go see this shit.
You won't.
You know,
you bring your wife down there,
she's fucking happy.
Take her out to dinner.
You know,
you go in there,
she gets a program,
she gets to dress up
and all of that shit.
She watched a great play
and guess what?
She won't be mad at you
for at least fucking,
you know,
36 hours.
Then something will happen.
But,
you know,
for those 36 hours,
I just want to say
that was really nice.
You know,
we should do that more.
The whole thing,
the dinner,
dressing up,
just being out,
just us,
like connecting again.
It was really nice.
That's the only thing
that stinks
is when you do
something nice like that.
Now they're not yelling at you,
but now they're commentating
about what the fuck
you just did.
You know,
and then we came to the street
and it said walk
and we walked.
We didn't run.
We just walked.
It's like we had the time.
We went up to the ticket booth.
We got the tickets.
You know,
and that lady
in the ticket booth
was so nice.
She's like,
all right.
I was there.
Okay,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I had a good time.
Right?
And then you're back
into it again.
So anyway,
I went out
and did stand-up last night.
Went out to the
New York Comedy Club
and I popped in
at the comedy cellar.
And I was trying out
some new shit.
It was classic New York.
You know,
New York Comedy Club
is the first time
I was doing it.
It was kind of going okay.
It was kind of going all right.
And then I fucking
went over to the cellar
and now I'm doing it again
within the hour
and it gets just
that much better.
It was fucking fun, man.
It was a good time.
Although New York Comedy Club,
I always feel a little old
when I'm there.
It's kind of a young crowd
and I was doing my shit.
And there was just
this one young woman
in the crowd
was just like
staring at me blankly
like,
who is this old idiot
saying all this
fucking ignorant shit?
And, you know,
the old me
would have said something.
Would have said,
hey, lady,
you know,
the fuck is your problem?
But I'm old now
and I'm like,
I know it.
She doesn't have a problem.
She's normal.
She's looking at some
bald orange idiot up here
deliberately saying
a bunch of dumb shit.
I was too.
I kind of went in there
and I was fucking
making fun of abortion rallies
and feminists and stuff
just right out of the gate
just to kind of like
sort of feel them out
if they were going to be
like laughing or whatever.
And they were.
They were actually pretty good.
There was a part of me,
actually,
I was tempted
to take the night off,
which I didn't,
which I did not
because I knew
I needed to do my act
a little bit.
So tonight,
when people are actually
paying to see me,
I'm not going up there
fucking,
you know,
shaking the dust off
or the rust off,
whatever the fucking
expression is.
But I was tempted.
You know,
both the Mets
and the Yankees
had a home game
last night.
And the Mets,
I just saw them
play the Dodgers,
but I haven't been
to their new,
you know,
their new city field.
I've only been to
the last one game
I went to,
which is still at Shea,
which was a painful place
as a Red Sox fan
to go to.
He's always looked over
at first base
and you're like,
right there,
that's what happened.
Look at home plate,
that's where the pass ball
was,
right there.
And then right there
was where the fucking,
you know,
behind the bag
and the Mets
went at,
you know.
That owner's
fucking hilarious.
He spent the most
money in the league
and he's in there
playing like
some of the best
baseball in the league
and he's still
talking the trade
deadline.
Hey,
you know,
if I get to
fucking do
something else,
I'm going to do it.
Which is great.
And he finally
learned from their
older brother
across the fucking
river there.
That's what you do.
You spend more money
than everybody else.
I was actually,
I was going to go
see the Yankees
because the way
they're playing
with their record
and everything,
it reminded me
in 1998,
as much as I
hated the Yankees,
I'm like,
greatness is greatness
and I got to go
see this fucking
team.
And I didn't
either.
And I was also
like,
this is Stanley Cup
final tonight.
Colorado Avalanche
versus the fucking
Tampa Bay Lightning
who are trying to
attempt to become
three-peat fucking
Stanley Cup champions.
I didn't watch it.
I went out
and I did the
goddamn war.
I'm trying to
guilt you guys
right now.
I went out
and I did
the goddamn
work.
Can you say
that about
yourselves?
I heard it
was a fucking
unbelievable game.
I walked by a
bar when I was
done with my
second spot
and it was
three to three
with like six
minutes to go
in the third
period.
And Colorado
won it in
overtime.
And one of my
buddies was
fucking texting
me going,
dude,
this is like
such high
level,
sick level
fucking hockey.
All of my
friends are
picking Colorado.
Just saying
they're too
fast on all
of this type
of shit,
b