Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-22
Uploaded: 2022-06-23T20:41:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-23. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-23-22

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you.
Ah, that was a weak one. Whatever. This is how fucking crazy my schedule is. I'm
actually podcasting right now while driving down the street, unless I get into
an accident, and then I'll immediately erase this so I don't get in trouble.
Your Honor, he was podcasting, calling people cunts, and didn't see that person
on the scooter.
It's Tuesday evening, man, and the Tampa Bay Lightning pull out game four and
avoid getting swept by what looks like the inevitable Stanley Cup champions
your Colorado Avalanche.
There's a lot of pride in that Tampa Bay Lightning team.
Don't you forget, they got 10 days on that cup twice, and I'll tell you right
now, it's going to take them more than a thing or two for them to, it's not
going to roll over.
You know, you can bet you're bippy.
I have not watched one second of this series.
I'm just showing you how easy it is to talk mildly intelligent about sports
like I have throughout the years.
I did watch the Boston Red Sox tonight win their seventh series in a row.
They're like seven games above 500.
We're on our way.
We're going to clinch the fucking wild card, probably draw the Yankees, and
then all the pressure's going to be on them because they're going to win like
120 games.
And what's crazy about the playoffs now is you can come limping in, winning 89-90
games, get the fucking wild card, and knock off a team.
You know?
I'll tell you, if they get hot at the right time, I mean, I'll tell you, these
guys could be dangerous.
This is the 89-91 team nobody wants to play.
Sorry, I didn't have time to do the math.
What was it, 162 games?
So that would be 89, just for the fucking rain men out there.
89-73.
I'll tell you right now, this is the 89-73 team nobody wants to play.
All right?
They're a little banged up.
You know, but somewhere in August, somewhere in August, these guys, they were
down eight games, and they had a meeting.
A players-only meeting.
I told the manager to go fuck himself.
Obviously, what he was doing for the first four months wasn't doing shit.
And, you know, hats off to Eddie Herzog because he let him do it.
And, you know, that's the type of thing.
As a manager, I mean, now, also part of managing is knowing when not.
To manage.
Does that make sense?
No one ever says, does that make sense?
You know what says, does that make sense?
Dumb people.
Or maybe, like, non-confident people.
E equals MC squared.
Does that make sense?
Thank you.
That was my unconfident Albert Einstein if he fucking grew up in Massachusetts.
Anyway, you know, I follow a wide variety of things on social media.
And what I fucking hate is, you know, you click on one fucking thing and then
that's all they show you.
Well, not one.
You click on six of them and then that's it.
It's like, this guy just likes this.
So then you got to fucking, like, go the other direction.
You know?
I always compare it to, like, Netflix when I watched one season of Narcos and
then everything I had was behind the scenes, San Quentin, how not to get fucked
in the ass and Rhode Island penitentiary.
All of this shit, it's just like, dude, do you think this is, this is all I am?
Watching this shit?
I mean, you got to throw in One Punch Man, which I have to get back to watching
if I ever get free time.
Little Japanese anime.
You watch a western, then you watch Narcos.
And then you throw in one of those lesbian and gay shows.
And then you're like, there you go.
There you go, Netflix algorithm.
Figure that one out.
And you know what you'd end up watching?
What would you end up watching?
I'm trying to think.
Ah, fuck.
I was trying to think of a gay rock star that starred in a movie.
Hopefully the period piece.
I don't know.
Anyway.
I'm cruising through Hollywood.
I don't know where the fuck everybody is.
The last couple of days.
I know yesterday was a banker's holiday.
Is that what it was?
I have no idea.
But whatever.
I follow a wide variety of things.
And I saw this fucking horrible yet informative thing.
All right.
Get ready for your white guilt.
It was talking about how when slavery ended.
First of all, they didn't tell slaves in like Texas or something for two
fucking years.
You know, no smartphones back then.
So they continued to be slaves for two years.
And then in order to get around the law that there's no slave labor,
They created all of these laws, new laws, that black people couldn't do this
and couldn't do that.
Little frivolous bullshit with super high fines.
And if they couldn't pay the fines, they had to go to jail and work for free.
Prison labor.
It's fucking brutal, man.
The more you see, like read about that type of shit.
I know there's going to be a couple of people out there, you know.
I don't want to fuck her.
You should read about that shit.
Really makes you.
It puts a lot of stuff now like into perspective.
You understand it way more other than, you know.
You know those fucking morons that post on social media and they act like
history started today?
And they don't look at like, okay, this happened and then this happened and
then this led to this.
That's why I always defend the southern man.
The southern white male is the responsibility of the north.
The way we treated them after we won the war.
Now granted, they tried to break away from us.
But we were fucking with them anyway.
And then once they broke away, you know, and we beat them in the war.
We treated them like shit, you know.
Their school system sucked.
Still to this day, you know, as a talk show host, you can shit on southern
people and just make jokes about them being inbred and fucking their own
sisters.
And nobody gives a fuck.
And, you know, you treat people like shit.
They're going to fucking behave a certain way.
So I think it's high time northern whiteys, Yankees like myself.
You know, fucking ease up a little bit.
I actually did some press.
And one of the radio stations I was calling into, I called in NPR and I had a
blast with them.
And they were like giving me shit because I trashed NPR.
I was like, I like NPR.
And they go, oh, you took the bait.
And then they played the clip.
And I go, well, what do you guys think?
You're above being trashed?
And I go, you guys look at like 40 of the states in this country like they're
flyover states.
And the guy goes, they are flyover states.
I go, name one.
And he goes, Alabama.
I go, I love Alabama.
And he goes, well, that makes sense.
I go, what, you listen to one fucking Neil Young song?
I didn't say fucking.
But I had a really good time on that show.
But like if I was a little more on my game.
What the fuck are you doing, buddy?
Nobody can drive out here.
I swear to God.
They just can't fucking drive out here.
My wife actually saw a horrific accident on the highway today.
And this truck was all twisted up.
And she saw some guy who just had blood all over his face.
And she goes, you just, I was just like, how does that happen?
It's like, how does that happen?
How does that not happen every five fucking minutes out here?
These people drive like fucking lunatics on the highway.
You know, and so many people just have these crazy horsepower cars now.
And they fucking sit there zipping in and out of traffic.
They don't give a fuck if you got a little fucking car.
No, that's that left turn in the fucking right lane, you douche.
And a half a mile an hour.
Does it that way.
You know why?
Because they wanted to make a right on the last two turns.
And they couldn't do it because they were blocked off.
So now they're like in that like thinking thing.
Like, what, what, so what do I do now?
So every move they make is like they fucking just ate a pot cookie.
Oh, Jesus, Bill.
But anyway, yeah.
People drive like fucking lunatics.
Like last night I came home.
We had the second screening of the movie.
And which went great, by the way.
I'm very excited about that.
And I will be showing the trailer.
Hopefully, soon, in front of my shows.
And anyway, I'm driving back from the screening.
I'm, you know, making mental notes remembering what worked, what didn't.
And I'm driving like 75 miles an hour, right?
So I don't know what the speed limit is out here.
55, 60.
I'm like 15 miles over the speed limit.
I got passed simultaneously on the left and the right like I was fucking
sitting still.
So if you ever come out here, it's a great place.
I definitely love L.A.
But like people drive like that fucking idiot I was just talking about on
surface streets.
Everybody drives around like they ate some weed.
And then when they get out on the highway, they drive like absolute fucking
maniacs.
I think there's a thing when like there's no traffic, like no one can believe
it out here.
Like you just can't believe it.
So you're just like, fuck, like let me just drive 100 miles an hour until this
all backs up again.
And I just don't think that they think about what they're doing.
How bad you can get fucked up.
How bad you could fuck up somebody else.
Bill, is this a podcast?
Or is it like a public service announcement?
I don't know.
I don't know what it is that I do anymore.
I edit footage.
I'm actually on my way down to the comedy store right now to run my act, you
know, so I'm not rusty.
When I go up to go do Portland, I got Portland.
I'm somewhere in Washington.
It's not Seattle or Tacoma.
I don't really quite know where I'm going to be.
I think it begins with an A.
Then I'm in Vancouver.
And then I go over to Calgary.
Now, Vancouver is like, you know, very like, I don't know what, very cosmopolitan
city.
They're a bunch of animals.
I mean, they are like, you know, if you were going to get into a fight, you'd
want to get into a fight in Vancouver.
You would not want to get into a fight in fucking Calgary.
I mean, I mean, I grew up in Massachusetts with maniacs.
If I went to Calgary, I went to Calgary, I was like, these fucking people can
drink.
Those fucking people that whenever I think of doing standup in Calgary, all I
remember is just the amount of times I heard an empty beer bottle accidentally
get kicked over in whatever venue I was playing in.
It had like no rug or anything.
And I just kept hearing that throughout the show.
And they were a great crowd and all of that.
But God damn it, were they drunk.
That goes all the way back to when I did stand up.
I did this amazing tour out there with Paul Verzi.
I'd be afraid to know how long ago that was.
It's probably the better part of eight years ago.
When we did that tour, we started in Moncton, worked our way east and then came
all the way across.
And I think the last night we ended up in Cal, because we did two shows in Calgary
and then we went to Vancouver and then they added another fucking show back in
Calgary.
And that's where we ended.
Oh, my God.
That's right.
Oh, fuck.
And Verzi got like, he got extra fucked up that night.
And I had to stay up with him to make sure that he was going to make his car
because I had a later flight.
And I remember we got to the, you know, can you?
Just tell your friends kind of blacking out, you know, they just have like that
fucking far away look in their eye, like half a smile.
Then all of a sudden they look like they don't know how to read.
That was a look he had on his face.
And we've all been there.
I'm not judging the man.
You know, just saying.
So that should be a, it should be a, it should be a, it should be a good time.
Um, what else?
What else?
I'll tell you what else is I'm trying to make a right fucking turn here.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
There's always that one douche just driving so fucking slow.
That person who just has all day.
You know, why don't they understand?
Look at it.
Knocked, wiped out a whole nother block.
Just made a left on the sunset.
There's this whole fucking air.
They wiped out this whole fucking block.
And that's where, uh, Joni Mitchell was singing, um, don't know what you got
till it's gone.
And, you know, pave, uh, pave parad