Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-22
Uploaded: 2022-07-22T01:27:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-22. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-22

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before
friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you how are you how's
your
thursday going man um oh fucking stupid me man i was all clean i wasn't fucking
doing anything
then i go to vegas i start eating like shit i smoke a cigar now i gotta start
all over again
it's un-fucking-believable so i'm back cleaned up you know but it's good though
because usually
when i fuck up like that then it takes me another three months to get the
momentum to be like all
right no cigars stay away from the coffee don't eat any weed gummies now it's
just been more like
four days it's just like all right am i really gonna fucking do this i don't
want to do this
all right let's get back to the gym let's do the things we need to do let's
fill up the time that
we spent hurting ourselves with different activities that will build for a
better future
so i've been playing a lot of drums instead of fucking sitting around smoking
cigars right so um
i sat down yesterday and it finally fucking happened i i was able to play along
to uh led zeppelin's good
times bad times one bass drum playing those fucking triplets now i might go
down there today
you know giving a shit too much legs a little tighter foot or whatever and then
it doesn't fucking
happen but it did happen yesterday it finally happened ladies and gentlemen all
the ships let's see
my dad drumming went to the next level i'm actually jamming with some buddies
of mine
when i go back to um uh boston next month well back east the family back east i
go back east and um
when i get up to massachusetts a few days before the fenway gig
um i'm gonna be jamming with a couple buddies of mine from back in the high
school days
and they pick you know some easy songs or whatever and one of them acdc tnt
this guy's just some tricky shit in there it's like all right i can play that's
easy
you can play this one oh my god if you saw this fucking set list dude i mean it
is it is uh
i don't think anything is
like post 1985
one of the songs i don't think i've heard it since it came out
do you remember that song by kiss tears are falling
oh no tears are falling
just sort of a throwaway
you know
it's one of those songs that it did well on i remember on the countdown but
like it never really got much radio play after
probably because it was a zillion songs being put out by bands like that
back then and i have not heard that fucking song since then i was like holy
shit
all right
we'll check this one out man so anyway i'm fucking psyched
it finally happened um i just been doing that um
triplet exercises those
triplet licks triplet licks and not doing the actual
playing the good times bad times thing because i just felt like that just got
in my head
it was just this frustrating thing i'd always get almost to the top of the hill
and then fucking slide back down because i'd get busy or whatever
so uh
yeah so that happened and then yesterday i flew a robinson r44 for the first
time in like almost
two years coming up on two years and ho i didn't remember anything couldn't
remember how to start it up
um the main rotor turns the other way so all your feet inputs were were the
opposite
um
i can't even explain how fucked up that is because the top half of your body is
the same
and then then the bottom half the the inputs go differently
oh you basically do sorry i'm recording this literally right as i got up
uh was hanging with the kids last night did not record the podcast um
all it is is you're you know you know
with the one i have my left foot follows the collective
when i follow the robinson
which turns uh what is that counterclockwise
i think the
the collective follows the right foot
so like when i picked it up you know
i was just like all right just pay attention to the nose
but i was still a little cockeyed
and i was a little high when i was taxing
but other than that it was cool
i was actually uh
hanging out with some friends of mine
and it made me uh
you know
i was thinking like ah man i could have got one of these
it's a little four seater
but the main rotor blades are bigger and it's faster
it has a v6 engine
but uh i actually by the end of the flight i was really happy i got the cabri
you can't even compare the two
as far as just like safety
uh the avionics that's in the cabri
it's a full glass cockpit
and i can i have all the
i can just hit a button that says traffic
and i see anybody who's
near me or whatever like that
and and
this was going back to like the analog shit
and i was just like
i don't like this
i don't
i do not fucking feel as safe
so um
i'm also uh
i'm getting rid of a bunch of shit
like i have
too many guitars
and i only play like
like
three of them
and even then i play drums most of the time
so i have these other ones
that i'm gonna be selling
dean del rey is gonna sell them for me
um
three guitars
that i'm gonna sell
and then i have
and then i have three
and i don't fucking think
i need any more than that
and then i can kind of keep them
all in the same place
as opposed to having guitar cases
all over the place
like i'm fucking keith richards
i got a little crazy
you know
i was playing guitar
i was having fun
i'm like well i want to get this guitar
i want to have that guitar
i want to have this guitar
it's just like
then i had kids
and then it's like
i gotta hide these guitars
the kids are gonna put their hands on
they're gonna fuck the guitars up
and then they sit out here
then my fucking air conditioning broke
and i'm like
i can't fucking have my
you know
because the air conditioning is busted
i gotta fucking you know
stick them in the garage
then they're in the fucking garage
and the spiders are
ah fucking sell them
so that's what's happening
um
and i got a bunch of shit
people have given to me
over the years
you know
on the road
of which i'm looking at right now
and i just
i'm gonna fucking autograph the shit
and next time we have a
a benefit
um
and all things comedy
i'm just gonna fucking
donate all that stuff
and josh adam meyer's show
shimmy shimmy yuh
where you give shit away
i'm fucking
getting rid of a bunch of stuff
do you know i'm still fucking
dealing with that goddamn
shop vac that i bought
so i ended up going down
to home depot
to fucking
exchange it
for those of you
having to listen to the podcast
i went down to get this
fucking shop vac
you know
so i can keep my garage
clean
fucking hate this shit
coming out here
and there's all kinds of crap
there's just no seal
under the doors
the garage door
and the side door
right
so
i got shit all over the place
here
and it fucking drives me nuts
i don't like it
i like a nice
clean garage
that has
cars in it
that's my fucking
and a little podcast studio
that's what i like
i fucking hate people
who use their fucking garage
as a storage unit
you know
or
they just convert it
to more
square footage
for their house
they turn the entire thing
into some sort of man cave
or some shit
i fucking hate that shit
you know
i don't
i don't
and it's my stupid thing
i just look at it
and it's like great
now you have to have
now you have to go
buy more shit
to decorate that
now you need another sofa
couch
davenport
whatever your age is
whatever the fuck
you call it
get your feet off
to davenport
that was my grandfather
um
anyway
um
that's just one of those things
that fucking drives me
up the wall
you know
there's this movement
on the internet
where people are annoyed
by people that back
into parking spots
like this is the most
egregious thing
you could ever fucking do
it's like
it isn't
it's a brilliant thing to do
you back in
and you've
you've clearly made
your statement
that wherever you're
about ready to go
you don't want to be there
or you want to get
the fuck out of there
you're putting that energy
out to the universe
if it's a social situation
people see it
it's fantastic
so i guess my version
of that is
if you don't fucking
put your car in the garage
i think you're an asshole
um
get your goddamn feet
off of that
fucking davenport
he didn't talk
like that
davenport
those are all those words
that went away
huh
davenport
remember dungarees
instead of jeans
work boots
boondockers
he had on his
dungarees
and boondockers
and Christ
he goes over
and he puts them
right on the
fucking davenport
um
are you from
america
um
anyway
uh
oh i went to
the all-star game
i heard they had
every player
fucking mic'd up
too which is my
dream scenario
in any sporting
event
is that all the
athletes are
mic'd up
even if they're
joking around
it's cool
but i you know
if they were
actually fucking
pissed at each other
you can hear what
they're saying
talking all kinds
of shit
um
you know
but obviously
you can't have
that because
kids are watching
and that type
of thing
but i've always
said that you
could have
like an opposite
channel
the r-rated
channel
then you know
what would
happen if the
feed would
accidentally go
to the clean
channel
and someone
would be
arguing a
call saying
every you
know word
in the book
probably wouldn't
be a good
thing
what do you
think bill
are you gonna
go out on a limb
right there and
say that that
wouldn't be a good
thing
yes i am
um
so we ended
up going there
and uh
i got hooked
up with some
tickets by bet
mg mgm
hooked us up
thank you for
the tickets
unfortunately
it was hot
as fucking
balls
and where we
were sitting
we were in
the uh
the upper deck
the bob
euchre seats
along the
first baseline
and
the way the
sun goes
down is
that part
of the
bleachers
is facing
west
so the
sun is
just in
your fucking
face the
whole time
so uh
i went with
like three
other dudes
right so two
of them went
to go get
the beer
and the
food
me and
my other
buddy sit
down
and we
sit and
we're
literally
like one
row in
front of the
shade but
the shade's
going away
anyway because
the sun's
going down
it's just
basically
gonna kill
everybody in
that section
and we were
just sitting
there for
like two
seconds and
he literally
just looks at
me he's
like you
know you
know we
could go
down there
and help
help them
out with
the food
because he's
a nice guy
didn't want
to say
these these
seats are
gonna be
brutal and
I just
started laughing
he's like no
these are fine
these are fine
we got the
car service
he was already
talking about
the car service
before the
fucking game
even started
so we ended
up going
down and
I don't know
if because of
the all-star
game there
seemed to be
very few
ushers
working and
we ended up
finally finding
somebody
and figuring
out you know
where the
Dodgers pro
shop was to
buy some
stuff I got
the American
League all-star
jersey for
myself and
for my
daughter and
I was standing
in line I
couldn't find the
one that said
Boston on it
and my buddy
said I'm
thinking I need
a large
my buddy was
like what do you
want a meeting
medium and
I said yeah
knowing that I
needed a large
probably needed a
large I held it
up and I thought
it looked all
right then I
came home and
I mean I fit in
it but it was a
tight jersey you
can't walk around
in a tight
baseball jersey
you ever go to
a hockey game
and you see some
guy wearing a
fucking jersey
they used to
hang like you
know like you
could put pads
underneath it
now it's like
fucking skin
tight looks like
he's ready to
go ride a
fucking time
trial on a
bicycle yeah I
can't have that
so I'm gonna
give it to
somebody else
but anyway we
ended up standing
on the sixth
deck looking
down at
at the game
and just cracking
up and having
a good time
and
this guy came
up and he
saw me and
then my buddy's
an actor right
and he's fucking
looking at us
he's like oh
my god what's
going on I
like your comedy
oh my god I
love that TV
show or the
movie that you
did blah blah
then he just
looks at us
he goes
what are you
guys doing
way up here
and all my
friends just
started fucking
laughing at me
because they
were busting
my balls
about where
we were
sitting
I didn't
mind the
seats I
actually I
mean it
just was the
heat the
seats were
fine so I'm
not shitting
on bet
MGM I
really appreciate