Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-29-22
Uploaded: 2022-09-30T12:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-29-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-29-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-30. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-29-22

All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for another
wonderful edition of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning
podcast.
And I'm just checking in on you. Checking in to see how your week's going. If
you're not just listening to audio, if you're watching the video, you know, I'm
not this kind of vain person.
I don't just film myself for the sake of showing you my bald, freckled Charlie
Brownhead. Not at all.
That means I have a special guest, somebody that I admire, somebody that I'm a
huge fan of.
I've known this guy forever. We have the one and only, the legendary Mr. Jim Florentine.
Jim, how you doing? Thanks for having me, Bill. I appreciate it.
Yeah. Jim has a new special. Let's get the promo out of the way.
He's got a new special called Bite the Bullet on Amazon Prime.
By the way, you see that guy's fucking yacht? Unbelievable.
And he has a new, the guy runs Amazon. Yeah.
The new Terrorizing Telemarketers, Volume 7, Wherever Music is Available.
And he also has a wonderful show on Ozzy's Boneyard called?
Yeah, it's just Jim Florentine's show. It used to be Metal Midgets, but yeah.
You can't say midgets anymore. All right.
No, I guess.
Metal little people.
It's like a relationship with this woke shit. You got to meet him halfway.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like you can't just go, no, I'm not doing anything.
So you kind of have to meet, you can meet him a little, just a little.
Yeah.
Not little in a bad way.
Like, like, yeah.
You got to get in trouble again.
Like five steps.
I'll go five steps before I'll be like, nope.
I'll give you five steps.
All right.
I have to tell you something.
I got to admit something here with you.
You're terrorizing telemarketers and the shit that you do, dude.
It's so fucking awkward.
I have to like shut it off sometimes.
Like there is a video on the internet where he goes into a restaurant and
before like they
even come over, you're going to ask for more pepper.
Yeah.
And it's just like, you tell everybody at the table, I just let you know, it's
just going
to get really awkward.
And the guy starts putting pepper on this fucking piece of fish and they go
through like four
pepper mills.
It gets to the point you can't even see the fish anymore.
And you're like, yeah, I still, I still need more pepper and you never break.
And there's this fucking mountain of pepper on this fish and you think the joke's
over
and he turns it over to do the other side.
Yeah.
Can you start on this side now?
I mean, it was, I can't believe they didn't just at some point just say, we're
not doing
this.
It was weird.
I don't know.
It was, it was in hell's kitchen at some restaurant, like the Spanish
restaurant.
We went in, we just figured we're going to do it.
And then it got to the point where they ran out of pepper mills cause there's
no, so they
were like chopping up in the back and they were just putting it in bowls and
coming out
with these little bowls and just dumping it on.
And I had my hidden camera guys, this little guy with a pen behind his ear.
I go, go in the kitchen.
Cause we heard him pounding in there.
Go see what's going on.
And he, I go, just say you were looking for the bathroom.
And he got the shot and then pounded it.
He's like, yeah, well the guy likes a lot of pepper.
I don't know.
We're just going to put it in bowls and they were coming out and dumping it on.
But I said, I go, it's going to ruin the joke.
If everyone starts talking at the table, the awkwardness of everybody is
sitting there.
Or minding their own business and complete silence cause you just hear the
pepper churning.
How do you like, how do you keep a straight face?
Cause I've been lying to women for years.
You know, when you lie and you don't fucking break character, it's easy.
If it's a good lie, if it's fucking ridiculous.
I don't know.
I had that uncanny ability of just being dry and just stone face.
Once in a while I'll break, you know, once in a while if the camera's on, I'll
break.
But usually I could, I can.
Whatever happened on the Carol Burnett show back in the day, you were the
absolute opposite.
Where they used to just start cracking up during the middle.
You, like that other one that you, you and, uh, I don't know who else was on
that thing.
Um, when you, hold on a second.
I got, let me put my brother on the phone.
Oh yeah.
Don Jameson.
Yeah.
He's my partner in crime.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
We just hand the phone back and forth.
Yeah.
That's like some salesperson, you're going to buy something and right as she
would try to
like close the deal, you'd go, hang on, let me put my brother on the phone.
And then he would talk and get her all set.
Hang on, let me put my brother on the phone.
And you guys must have done that like 40 fucking times.
I'll tell you, that's one time I did break because it was a phone, it was a
telemarketer
call and me and Don were looking at each other like this far away from me and
you.
And like, hold on, let me put my brother on the phone and handed it back.
And I started laughing because I looked at him laughing.
And I hung up and I'm like, what the, I go, you broke first.
He goes, no, you did.
We were arguing.
I go, you can't fucking break character.
So when someone called back, we were back to back.
We stood back to back so we couldn't look at each other.
We're passing the phone behind our shoulder like this because I couldn't look
him in the
face.
He couldn't look at me.
And that's how we did that call.
And I could feel his back shaking and I'm shaking, but I wouldn't look at him
because
I was going to break.
And that's how we, now that call on like the second one.
Dude, I mean, that thing is a masterpiece.
Like I was, I played that for so many goddamn people.
Hold, you can look that one up.
Hold, let me put my brother on the phone.
I mean, I lost count of how many times you guys say it and the people just
fucking just
hanging in there.
I don't know.
Your ability like to do that stuff, you are like a master.
And what I always love is it starts with the most simplest idea and then the
levels of
comedy become so complex.
And to the point like, there's sometimes I just stop laughing because I'm just
appreciating
like the depth of the comedy.
It's like, how are these guys not fucking laughing?
You know who's a big fan of that?
Verzi.
Me and Paul Verzi.
Like he sends me your shit.
I'll send him some shit.
And we just start fucking cracking up laughing.
There's like the amount of times we like back in the day before he started, you
know,
blowing up and selling tickets and shit, we would be on the road and we would
just put
you and Don Jameson on and just sit there fucking crying laughing.
And then like afterwards, like the second level of laughs was talking about
like, how do you
not laugh through that?
And then quoting all the lines.
So I, you know, totally recommend the new Terrorizing Telemarketers Volume 7.
Dude, there's a track on there.
It's called Fiance.
It's 18 minutes and one second long where this guy's calling about to get me
some mortgage.
And I go, I, I, I go, can you hold on?
I got food, I'm food coming at the door.
I got a food order.
He goes, yeah.
And Don Jameson picks up.
He's like, hello.
He's like, yeah.
He goes, uh, he goes, you just talked to my roommate.
He goes, cause I told the guy, yeah, I'm getting married.
I need a mortgage.
I'm getting married in two weeks.
I go, let me, oh, there's a knock at the door.
So Don goes, yeah.
He said, did he tell you he's getting married?
And the mortgage guy goes, yeah.
He told me he's getting married in two weeks.
He's looking for a mortgage.
Yeah, he goes, I, I don't know if you should marry her.
And the guy's like, yeah, look, I don't know.
I don't know.
I just trying to sell the guy a mortgage.
I'm just letting you know, I'm his roommate.
And, uh, I had an affair with her like a week ago.
And the guy's like, whoa, he's like, yeah.
And he's like, the Don's like, listen, I don't know how to tell him.
And, and all of a sudden he goes, oh, he's coming back now.
He goes, can you tell him for me, please?
All right, here, hold the phone here.
And I get back and I go, hello.
I go, you just talked to my roommate.
He goes, yeah, yeah.
I go, okay, cool.
And he goes back into his pitch.
He doesn't want to tell me.
And then Don picks up.
I go, hello.
He goes, yeah.
He goes, uh, I go, I'm on the phone.
He goes, okay.
Did he tell you?
I go, tell, tell me what?
He goes, he didn't tell you.
I go, what were you supposed to tell me, sir?
And he breaks it to me.
Oh my God.
You got to hear it.
It's 18 minutes long.
This guy's trying to counsel us.
And we're just, I'm like, you know, Don's like, well, she was really hot.
What was I going to do?
And the guy's like, you don't do that to your, your roommate.
He's like, she's like a nine and a half.
You got to hear it.
How do you fucking come?
And you guys were like right next to each other and you're not.
Yeah, not breaking.
At one point he goes, I really thought this was a prank call.
Obviously it's not.
And he's counseling us like a therapist.
Like, why would you do that to your friend?
And I'm like, should I still be his friend?
He's like, no.
And Don's like, can I still come to the wedding?
You got to, the level of it.
It's the most uncomfortable, I think, prank call of all time.
How the fuck do people, because I remember with like the Jerky Boys,
after a while, like Frank Rizzo's voice was so,
and that character was so iconic.
I think it became difficult for them to get people where your voice,
I mean, I think it's so distinguishable, but you still,
you got like that underground thing still that you can still get.
Like, I would just think that they would be like,
that's fucking Jim Florenti.
One out of 10 calls, I'll get that.
I know who this is.
Dude, I'm a fan.
I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about.
And I get busted.
I'm like, I'd hang up.
They got me.
So one out of 10, they'll recognize my voice.
All right.
But other than that, they don't know.
I don't know.
It's just, you know, people, random calling.
I guess they know my voice, so it's great.
Dude, you're the only guy that has that voice.
You've been fucking with these people for 20 years.
For 20 years, I've been doing it.
I remember we're editing the new album, My Kitchen, and my son, who's 12, and
his friend
was over.
He's like, your son is 12?
Yeah.
He's like, you guys are so immature.
That was coming from 12-year-olds for guys in their 50s.
I'm like, we're onto something.
Yeah, he just turned 12.
Let me, when in, like, you must have been just doing this just for the fuck of
it when
you were a kid.
I was, because I was always grounded.
You know, I was always in trouble.
I went to Catholic school.
It was just causing problems constantly.
All right.
For younger people out there, before there was, like, star 69, you used to be
able to, you
do that, and you could, like, trace a call, like you used to just call up and
prank call
people, was just, like, something you did when your parents weren't home.
And, like, there was people that had it, like, to, like, an art form.
And my thing was, I would always, always start laughing.
I just was, I don't know what it was.
Like, I just thought fucking with people was the funniest thing ever.
And, like, you know, if we were in school and we started fucking with the
teacher, I
was always the guy that just started cracking up laughing.
It was just, like, my favorite thing ever.
Like, as much as I made people laugh, I wasn't really a class clown.
Because I always thought, to get your stripes as a class clown, you had to have
two things.
The ability to keep a straight face and also not give a fuck if you got sent
down to
the office.
Like, you just didn't give a shit.
And, like, I was a funny guy in class.
But I wasn't, like, to the level of these, like, you know, these guys always
getting detention
and getting suspended.
Like, my parents would have killed me.
So I kind of stayed in my lane.
And when the first time