Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-22
Uploaded: 2022-10-20T21:15:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-22' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-20. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-22

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and ahhh!
Just checking in on you. Sorry. That was just frustration.
I'm working, working, working. Billy's always working.
Um, fuck you mean you're always working, you're in that goddamn show business,
you're sitting in an infinity pool, fucking a fetus, in the goddamn Hollywood
Hills, talk about gender-neutral fucking bathrooms while the goddamn Russians
are on their way!
I only on the head drive a truck. Alright? I see America. I am America. I'm all
about it.
Um, I actually have, I have a nice little break here. I have a nice little day
and a half, just for me.
Um, I'll tell you this. I, I think I'm walking away from coffee.
You know, like that person who just did heroin for the summer. I think, like,
that's a thing.
I'm fucking, I'm done with that shit, dude!
Uh, I think it, it's, it's just like anything else. It need, it has to have a
time and a fucking place.
But this whole bullshit that I feel tired and rather, I need a nap and then I
drink that shit.
It's like, no, I don't.
It's like, you still do.
And, um, I want to be that old guy that falls asleep in a chair.
You know, those old guys, like, the second they sit down, it's like, if you don't
get to the meat of the order, like, they're just going to be asleep within,
like, fucking three minutes.
Like, they just can fucking, you just get to that age, man.
You can sleep anywhere. And that's really an art.
Um, I think people who can sleep anywhere are at peace.
You know, because I think, Bill, obviously, you're talking to yourself. We know
you think this.
Well, I don't know how to get into the sentence any other way, all right?
It's like the one phrase I know in English.
I think this stuff. I think it and then I say it.
Welcome to my podcast.
If you're truly at peace,
I bet you can sleep anywhere.
I got an essay, I think. Now I'm in my own head.
I just heckled myself.
No drinking game. Every time Bill says, I think,
you gotta fucking drink.
You know, I never liked drinking games.
It's like, I don't need any help.
I'm well on my fucking way.
I don't have to turn this into, like, fucking chutes and ladders.
Let's put on the Hollywood squares.
Every time somebody says, I disagree, you gotta do a shot.
It's just like, is the conversation that bad already that we have to do this?
Anywho, I've been trying to watch some hockey.
The fucking, my goddamn cable system here.
Yes, I'm not a cord cutter.
I am an older person.
How do you know the man you're fucking is too old?
He still has cable.
He still pays over $200 a month to watch his television.
Why are you fucking that old man?
Here's another way to note that the economy is fucked up.
A lot of people think it's the homeless.
That's their barometer.
I'm actually starting to think that when I start seeing pickup trucks,
like, one out of eight, one out of nine,
driving around all of a sudden with that, an aftermarket camper top.
That's when I know, that's when I start to feel, you know.
That's my G.I. Joe with the kung fu grip.
Like Eddie Murphy in Trading Places,
when he was able to tell the fucking which way the market was going.
Right?
Because he was one with the people.
That's mine.
When I see all those things on top of that,
on top of the trucks, I start to think,
oh, oh, I see what's happening here.
This is the old,
this is the old, you know,
I had a job.
Now I don't have a job.
And I had a place to live.
Now I'm going to live in my truck.
That wouldn't be a bad life, though.
As long as it was like 70 degrees out every day.
Actually, that would be a bad life.
What am I talking about?
Man, life had to suck back as a caveman.
Just always being outside.
Just fucking exhausted all the fucking time.
Just like outside.
I did see a guy today,
this old guy right outside the barbershop,
was squatting down like he was in Vietnam.
You know, you know,
how they squat down in Asia.
And it's supposed to be like really good for you.
They also have a step stool that they put their feet on
before they take a dump.
You know, that's all supposed to be good for you.
I knew he was a fucking commie,
listening with all his Chinese rhetoric.
The guy was squatting down like that.
And he was listening to like a little radio,
like a little transistor radio.
And it was a nice day.
And I was just thinking like,
you know, aside from living outside
and being absolutely filthy,
the fact that that guy does not have a Zoom call today,
you know,
he doesn't have the boss walking into his cubicle
like that guy in office space.
Yeah.
Gary Cole,
the great Gary Cole.
Yeah.
We're going to need you to work Saturday.
Yeah.
He doesn't have that.
Maybe he did have that.
Maybe that's why he's homeless.
I wonder how many people like,
you know,
you always want to just tell your boss,
you know,
get right up in his grill,
grab his tie.
Fuck you,
man.
Right.
But you don't.
Cause in your head,
you're like,
I'm going to get fired.
And then I'm going to never going to get another job.
And then I'm going to end up homeless.
And on a beautiful sunny day,
instead of working away for someone else to make their dream come true,
I could actually be squatting in a parking lot,
listening to a transistor radio right in between a barbershop and a
fucking,
you know,
taco hut or whatever the fuck taco stand.
You know,
we're here today on the Thursday afternoon podcast to talk about the
upside of being homeless.
We're taking collars.
Anyway,
you know what the ones you want to have,
you want to have the homeless family,
the single mothers out there with kids,
like those,
the ones you got to help.
Cause that's how it works.
You always help the mom and the kids.
And then the guys can always go fuck themselves.
I mean,
it's part of the humor of being a man is that everybody just thinks you can go
fuck yourself.
And then they ask why you're angry and aren't in touch with your feelings.
Anyway,
getting back to coffee.
Yeah.
I just,
I'm kind of feeling like it's a,
it's just this stupid thing.
And I knew it when I was first started drinking it,
when we were shooting the movie,
I was like,
I shouldn't do this because this is going to be just another thing.
I'm going to have to quit.
But whatever.
I went 53 years without drinking the shit,
53 and a half fucking years.
And then I've been drinking it like a lunatic.
I can't say like a lunatic because I can walk away from it and then I'm fine.
It's when I can't walk away from it.
Then I'm kind of like a shit this again.
And I got to go those four days white knuckling it.
And then the fifth day,
I just,
it always just clears up after five days.
I go like,
yeah,
what was I thinking?
Why was I doing that?
You know?
But anyway,
let's,
let's,
let's talk.
Let's talk fucking NHL hockey.
Shall we?
Oh my God.
I'm going to the laptop for this one.
Oh,
Billy stats.
My Boston Bruins,
by the way,
have yet to lose.
We were down three to nothing last night.
To the Ottawa Senators down three,
nothing.
I couldn't watch it because for some reason,
my center ice package decided to tell me to go fuck myself for the last
couple of days.
But I watched the,
which game did I watch?
I watched the game right before DeBrus came back.
Our second game.
Was that the one?
Not against the Panthers,
not against the Capitals.
It was against the,
the Coyotes,
the Desert Dogs,
as Bartnick calls them.
Um,
let's look at NHL stats.
I think that fucking guy on,
uh,
Stamcoast already has like fucking 58 goals.
Somebody has like a bunch of goals already.
Uh,
NHL stats.
NHL stats.
Let's see here.
I'm not going to ESPN,
even though I know they're going to be more fucking easy to read than fucking
NHL.com.
Cause everything the NHL does always has to be a little fucking weird,
a little off.
All right,
here we go.
No,
now they finally got this shit together.
All right.
goals.
Artemi Panarin has 10 goals for the New York Rangers.
What?
Pasternak already has eight goals.
I got to get my fucking center ice package fixed.
Conard McDavid.
He's got six goals.
Steven Stamcoast has seven.
I knew he had a bunch.
Nathan McKinnon has seven.
Basically everybody who you thought was going to break out is already fucking
breaking out.
Um,
and this is the time of year.
I always bring up my favorite hockey website,
which is,
uh,
daily faceoff.com.
Uh,
what I love is the line combination page.
And they also,
you can see like how much money that people make.
If you want to get all fucking real housewife about it,
you know,
like,
Oh geez,
this guy's making,
why the fuck is he making this with this other guy should be making that.
Um,
anyway,
David Craigie up on the first line,
Patrice Bergeron.
We got two nice lines here.
Taylor Hall,
David Craigie,
David Pasternak.
Then we got Pavel Zaka,
Patrice Bergeron,
Jake DeBrusque on line number two.
What happened to that other kid that was up on the line there?
Would you like to receive notifications?
No,
I would not.
Just leave me alone.
Trent Frederick,
Charlie Coyle,
and the new fucking rising star of the Bruins,
AJ Greer.
Nick Foligno,
Tomas Nosek,
and Jacob Lauko.
Lauko,
however the fuck you say it.
Um,
I mean,
we're winning games.
We didn't have,
uh,
DeBrusque was out.
Uh,
Charlie McAvoy's been out.
Jake DeBrusque just got back.
Couple of big defensemen.
Who's still out here?
Who's still out for the Bruins?
Look,
they got the power play unions,
the first one,
the second one,
and here's everybody who's hurt.
Brad Marchand,
Charlie McAvoy,
Matt Gryzlik is out.
And Brandon Carlo.
I don't know why I'm yelling.
I'm just excited that this is the first time in like three years I'm gonna have
time to watch hockey.
So who do we got tonight?
Who's on the docket,
dude?
Uh,
the Flyers,
the Filthy Flyers versus the Florida Panthers,
Winnipeg Jets,
Colorado Avalanche.
I'm watching that game.
I want to see this kid who everybody's saying is the new Bobby Orr that I've
been missing out on.
You know,
you take a couple of years off from hockey and all of a sudden there's a
fucking,
there's a new Bobby Orr.
There's a new Bobby Orr.
You know,
there's a thing when someone asks you questions,
there is that line where like the fifth fucking question,
you're like,
can you figure some of this out yourself?
Okay.
No.
Let's,
sorry,
text message here.
Do it at the office.
There we go.
There we go.
Do,
do,
do,
do,
do,
do.
Uh,
a certain somebody is going to be on a certain some of something this Monday
night.
All right.
I'm alluding to it.
I'm not saying what it is,
but there's a certain something that happens on Monday night and a certain
someone who might be talking certainly on this certain podcast might certainly
be on it.
This Monday night.
All right.
There you go.
There's your exclusive.
All right.
That's called teasing in the business.
You know,
teasing you like a fucking,
oh,
all right.
Let me do the,
uh,
the fuck are my goddamn reads here for this week.
I'll tell you right now.
If I had a dollar for every goddamn read I've done on this fucking podcast,
live reads.
Is this it?
That ain't it.
That's the invite.
Okay,
here we go.
Oh,
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