Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Podcast 12-15-22 w/ RACHEL FEINSTEIN
Uploaded: 2022-12-15T22:38:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Podcast 12-15-22 w/ RACHEL FEINSTEIN' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Podcast 12-15-22 w/ RACHEL FEINSTEIN' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-15. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Podcast 12-15-22 w/ RACHEL FEINSTEIN

Ready?
I'll give you the weight of 45.
You ready?
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, what's going on?
It's Bill Burr.
It's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.
And I'm just checking in on you.
Checking to see how your week is going.
And as always, if you know when I'm filming,
that means I have a special guest that I want to talk to
that is in town, possibly coming through,
because she's doing big-time Hollywood shit out here.
The one and only Rachel Feinstein.
Thank you.
How are you?
But we'll be at Helium Comedy Club in Philly.
Yes.
Because that's a chain now.
In Philly for New Year's Eve.
New Year's Eve weekend.
New Year's Eve weekend.
What's going on?
Not much.
It's weird to be here.
It's weird to see you.
Is it weird to talk to me in this controlled environment
after all these years?
I mean, I've known you since, like, what, 99, 2000?
Yeah, when we first met,
we were like neighbors on the Upper East Side.
We used to drink at that dive bar, like mug shots.
I was like...
Yeah, you, me, Sherrod.
Sherrod.
The Upper East Side crew.
I was, like, violently poor.
Like, me and Sherrod used to call our apartment squalor
because it was just so unacceptable.
We had a shower in the kitchen.
And Sherrod would just bring random girls through there.
And there was no door on my bathroom, or my bedroom, rather.
The girls would have to walk through my bathroom's railroad
and go into the...
Oh, that was a railroad apartment?
It was a fucking railroad.
And Tony and Sherrod were just getting so much ass.
And they thought it was hilarious that they would have to parade the girls
through my room to use the bathroom whenever they were getting laid.
And I'd have to have these weird, uncomfortable conversations
with some girl, like, holding her T-shirt down.
And I felt like Sherrod would openly say this.
He'd be very pleased, probably, that I was telling more people about this.
But he would use me as, like, part of the oiling process with the women.
Because he'd be like, look, I have this female roommate.
He's like, yeah.
You're safe.
Yes, you're safe.
And I'm like, I'm telling them with their eyes, you're not.
You're making a terrible decision.
But Sherrod was like, yeah, no, it was helpful, right?
He's like, that's how I got a good flow in.
I was like, I was part of the lotioning up.
Like, look, there's a woman here.
It's got to be a good idea.
You're lucky the FBI didn't come in, because he would have taken off,
and you would end up having a...
You know, they do that in those boiler rooms.
It's always, like, the low person on the totem pole.
Those were such fun days, though.
I remember...
We had a lot of fun.
We were so poor, but I was having so much fun.
I was sleeping on the futon,
and mine was actually a studio apartment that they slammed a wall into
and called it a one-bedroom.
And I was like, I have a one-bedroom apartment.
No, to me, you were rich.
I was like, I know a successful person.
And then I met the chick upstairs who had the exact same unit above me,
and his was just, like, this giant studio.
And I never even brought it up to my landlord or anything.
I was just...
I knew...
Oh, that they sold it as a one-bedroom.
I could have complained and gone to the board and done all of that,
but I was just like, dude, I really want to waste...
It's like, all right, you got me.
I've never gone to any...
Who has time for a board?
Yeah.
I did it one time.
Really?
Yeah, against a taxi driver.
What happened?
What was the situation?
We got into it on the FDR, trying to fucking...
Who was going to go?
And I ended up winning.
Who was going to go next?
You know, those New York battles with the car.
Yeah.
So he was fucking...
I could see him yelling at me and shit, and I was being...
You know, I was being a dick, so I was just sort of like waving.
Were you enjoying it?
He was beeping the horn and everything, and I was just waving or anything.
And then when he drove by me, he took like...
He had a handful of chains.
At this point, we'd finally got on the FBR.
We're doing like 50, and it was raining out.
Yeah.
And he fucking took his handful of chains, and he just was fucking throwing it
at the
side of my car.
He did it like three times.
He had just changed.
This is like the 2000s, so change.
Yeah, people used to throw stuff from their car.
So he was just throwing it.
It was like...
On the side.
And I'm like, you fucking motherfucker, and he did it again.
And he was such a dick, and I was so mad.
I was like, all right, fuck this guy.
And I got his number, and I actually complained.
And then we showed up.
It was so funny, because we showed up for the hearing, and by then I wasn't
even mad anymore.
And he showed up with a lawyer.
I remember he was this Asian guy, and he tried to make it racist.
Really?
Well, first of all, he admitted that he threw the change at me.
Yeah.
And so I was like, why the fuck would he do that?
Why would he admit that?
Well, first of all, he had a lawyer.
It was him, his lawyer, and me sitting, talking to this guy in a desk that was
like half the
size of this, in this little room.
And we would just say.
There's nothing dumber than two men mediating after they had a stupid fucking.
It was really bad.
It was really.
I ended up feeling really bad.
So he admitted that he threw the change at my car.
But he said, he goes, I did it because I look over.
And he was looking at me.
He was going like this.
What?
And he's like, I don't know what he, he was totally.
He called you a hack.
And I was just like, so I was just like, you're telling me I was driving 50
miles an hour
in the rain, and I took my hands off the way I'm doing that?
And then that's when the lawyer jumped in.
He goes, I think what we have here is a couple of people that got a little
upset.
And the guy, he ended up getting suspended for like a week.
And then I felt bad.
I just wanted him to, I don't know why.
It's one of the few vindictive things I've ever done.
And I felt bad.
And this is the fucking funny thing is I fucking got a cab like a month later.
And I swear to God, I think it was him.
And I got in the cab and I saw the picture and I heard his voice.
I don't fucking know.
Right.
And so I just sat directly behind him and I was just sitting there like that.
And I was, I tipped him well in case it was him.
I was like, all right, there you go.
I've had that happen before.
I'm getting back in a cab where I've had like a weird moment.
It probably was him.
That's hilarious.
I had that one time because it was this crazy white dude who his claim to fame
was he auditioned
for like Metallica or something.
And he was one of those guys.
He had like surfer energy that was going on, bro.
They told you the whole story.
They do that here.
That's why I can't take the Ubers here.
They just tell you their whole, yeah, their band, everything.
Oh, thank you.
They play things for me.
Somebody plays something for me on the way over.
He was like playing me his tracks and stuff.
Wait a minute.
You're networking with me?
I'm just a comment.
I don't want to blame the victim here.
But how does the conversation get that deep?
Don't you just put some headphones on?
Sorry, I have to take a call.
No, this happens actually to me all the time.
That's very fair.
Yeah.
People just tell me things and then they'll start like weeping and stuff.
They're like, I've never told anyone this before.
But I definitely, something's happening with me that I'm pulling.
Because that would not happen with Billy.
Like you would, nobody would start to.
No, people do not open up to me.
No, I've like gently held people I don't know very well.
Why?
I held a woman at like a CVS.
I don't know.
People just start telling me like shit about their lives.
They'll be like, it happens every time somebody opens for me.
They'll be like, ah, shit.
Wait, what happens?
They just don't walk up to you.
What happens before?
There's something you're doing.
You're too friendly.
I think I do, you know, I think it's some of it's probably for my mom.
Because my mother, like, she loves like dark information.
Like she wants to get to the bottom.
Like she listens with like a leg up like that, you know, and just kind of jazzes
out.
She loves to get to like the bottom.
We call it pain chambering because my mom likes to take somebody and like get
to their pain.
And I feel like I have, I'm like a little more fun about it.
And she's acting like she's helping, but she's just into the gossip.
Yeah, I think she's.
Or somewhere in between.
Somewhere in between.
I mean, she's, she was a therapist and with like no boundaries and would tell
me the darkest,
weirdest information about everybody.
Her patients.
Like she was really going rogue.
Like I would, she would pick me up once she picked me up.
She's done practicing, right?
Not, not now.
So I can't, she's retired.
Thank God.
No, she would pick me up from a play date and just tell me the weirdest shit
about like the parents.
I was way too young.
She'd be like, did I tell you that assaulted early on in the marriage and then
it ruined their
sex life because she never felt he could protect her.
I'm like, I'm like, I'm in the sixth grade.
She would tell me the weirdest shit.
At what age did you finally just say like, mom, why are you telling me this
shit?
I told her, I've, I've confronted her like later on.
Cause like I'll, I did a bit about it, like about how the weirdest shit she
would tell me.
I love it with the leg up.
It's fucking hilarious.
Yeah.
This is how she listens.
Just, and it's really funny watching her and my husband.
Cause he's like a repressed Catholic fireman.
And I'm like, oh, you can't pain chamber him.
Like you're not going to catch a wave with Pete.
Like he's, he's closed like a box.
You know what I mean?
And my mom tries to jazz in there.
She wants to know about like fire trauma.
She does like a shimmy when he starts talking about that kind of shit, but she
can't get
through.
But like I told her a story.
I mean, she saw me tell a story about how she used to do that on stage once.
And she's like, I didn't do that.
If you want to put it in your talents show skit or whatever.
But I was like, yes, you did.
And I was like, how else would I have known that was raped and that her husband
couldn't
protect her.
And then it ruined their sex life.
She's like, well, you got me there.
Dude, I have this cough that the only time it happens is when I laugh.
So this is going to be difficult here.
I'm going to have to edit this out.
Oh, also I have to say about the change.
I throw change.
I think throwing change is very funny.
And I have throw, I used to throw change on this guy after we would, ex-boyfriend
of
mine, after we would have sex.
Because it's just a funny thing to throw change.
And I dated a guy once that would throw.
Or would you say, go get yourself something nice?
I'd just be like, you're disgusting.
What happened right here is disgusting.
And I just throw some nickels on him.
One time we fought because he caught me gathering the change and getting it
ready.
Like we were about to hook up and I was prepping the change like ahead of time.
So the sex was really a setup for the punch.
Yes.
Well, it's funny.
I was like, I knew it would be funny after.
So I was like, I brought the change bedside, but I would just toss it on him.
And I'd be like, you're disgusting.
Now go out and buy yourself something special and just sort of give him like a
soft, slow
face rake.
When I do that to my husband, he gets terrified.
I'll give him just a sloth, soft, like, this is a guy that like runs into
burning buildings.
When I go like that to him, he shudders, like shakes like a bitch.
I'm just like, shh, you shut up.
All right.
Don't feel sad or feel, or I'll try to.
Replay the sex.
I'll be like, let's talk about some of the things that happened.
Let's process.
Should we go through the earlier beats?
You're bringing my fucking cock back here.
Sorry.
Andrew, is this going to be a problem or what?
Sorry.
Let me ask you.
So do you think, 