Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-23 w/Steve Byrne
Uploaded: 2023-01-15T02:37:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-23 w/Steve Byrne' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-23 w/Steve Byrne' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-15. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-13-23 w/Steve Byrne

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. How are you?
And it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning
podcast.
I'm just checking in on you, and I'm also checking in on somebody else.
Somebody else who's enjoying his liquid death product placement.
Hydrated.
Hydrated. He has a new special on Amazon.
Yes.
Called The Last Late Night.
Yes.
The one and only Mr. Steve Byrne.
Thank you, William.
How are you, sir? How are you, Stephen?
How are you? Nice to see you.
It's very formal. I like that.
Let me make sure I get the liquid deck there.
Just wrap the film.
I did.
I did.
Yes, it is. It is. It's done, done.
Like done, done.
As the kids say. Done, done.
You're not driving to the edit bay any longer.
I don't look at my big, stupid Charlie Brown head anymore.
Yeah.
Anymore.
You know, Steve, I thought I hated myself before I did this movie.
But when you've been there.
But I wasn't in it. I wrote and directed, so I had to be there to oversee
everything.
But I met you in a connecting flight in Dallas one time when you were in the
middle of doing Sullivan & Son.
And you were sitting there looking like Jack Lemmon in Glengarry Glen Ross when
you didn't get the good leads.
And you were just sitting there with this 600-yard stare.
And I'm going, how's it going, Steve?
And you were like, you know, if I could go back to the 20-year-old me, I think
I would tell him not to do this.
Don't get in this fucking business.
I work, you would think that when you're, after doing this for, you know, me 25,
28, 30 years for you now?
31 in March.
31.
So 25 years for me, I work three times as hard now than I ever did.
And I think about those times in my 20s when you would just show up and just do
the show and that was it.
You could fucking sleep in.
And then hit on women afterwards.
Yeah.
That was it.
And if you struck out, you just went to a food truck and you laughed about it.
That was it.
That was it.
That was, it was the greatest.
And you weren't happy with that because you wanted more because you didn't
realize that making TV and movies was work.
You thought it was fun, Steve.
Yeah.
That's what it looks like, right?
You show up, there's a bunch of showgirls and a cowboy on the set.
And it's like, oh, this is Hollywood.
This is cool.
I know.
But once you get it done, though, it is worth it.
Once it's done, you look at it like, oh, this is fucking good.
It is worth it.
Yeah.
Well, you're, you, you have a, uh, see, this isn't about me.
No, but you got a guest.
Right.
We're here to promote your special, but hold on.
But you, you accomplished something that that's, I think as, as I bought all my
Twitter followers.
Okay.
I'm just finally going to come clean.
Well, tell me how to do that then.
You go to this Filipino website.
Got it.
Okay.
So you give them a dollar reach.
Can you give me Jerkois number now?
America.
Because I know you guys, once everybody gets in that thing, everybody texts
each other.
Once you hit that tax bracket, that's when everybody's friends.
Well, I'll have to talk to Joe Coy.
I mean, you must know some things I don't.
Yeah.
Um, okay.
What are you, what are you asking me?
But my point is that.
I like your flair on your shirt.
Is it Friday?
Bring some of your personality to the podcast.
I do like that you're wearing a pirate's hat.
This has been a point of contention.
Here we go.
Here we fucking go.
We're not going anywhere, Steve.
We're going to sit right here.
We're going to hash it out like a couple of mature men.
Yep.
Without raising our voices.
All right.
For the longest time, Steve from Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh Penguins fan.
Huge.
Pittsburgh Steelers fan.
You go to baseball.
Yankees fan.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Yankees fan.
Wow.
That's weird.
It's almost like you're, you're on the bandwagon with the two teams that win
championships and
the Pirates, you turn your back on them.
I was with the pens all through the dirty late nineties.
Tearing your back on them like the adopted daughter you never spoke to.
Could you root for the, for the Pirates right now?
Knowing that every year you're getting these draft picks and it's a fire sale.
I bet you don't jump on the fucking Yankees.
When we were, look, this is what I honestly appreciated the Yankees was, uh,
post 9-11.
Then I, I went out to that, to that game that I got tickets to and I was on the
bus.
You, you know what?
You earned those tickets.
And I saw George Bush throughout the pitch and I got caught up in the euphoria
of it.
I was like, this is fucking amazing.
Then I started reading up on history.
Oh, you mean that guy who bankrupted the country and gave all the money to his
oil company boys?
That guy?
Yeah.
Hey, he's a painter.
He's a painter, Bill.
I'm not shitting on Republicans.
They all end up with a house in Martha's Vineyard, except for Jimmy Carter.
He's still out there.
That guy's a public servant.
In his nineties, swinging a hammer, building houses for the fucking underprivileged.
Where's everybody else?
They're all at Epstein Island gangbanging, tying up underage chicks in blue and
red ties.
That's what's really happening out there.
But I went to that game and you didn't go.
And then you, for years, kept that secret.
Kept that secret.
Oh, the famous story of somebody approached the Comedy Cellar with a gig.
You did stand up on a bus.
Yeah.
There was some Atlanta Braves fans coming up.
So that must have been 99.
Yeah.
It was for Wells Fargo.
I believe that's what it was.
That was 99.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they were coming up and they were going to take a bus from Manhattan to Yankee
Stadium
and they wanted to have a comedian on the bus.
Yeah.
Do stand up the whole way up there.
Now to me, to this day, that is an easy fucking gig.
All you got to do is just shit on yourself and just, and just, and just take,
okay.
So anyway, she offered it to me and Jim Norton.
Yeah.
And Jim Norton was like, you know, hemming and hawing about it.
Yeah.
And I was like, I'll fucking do it.
You know, I don't give a shit.
Right.
And then Jim bailed.
Right.
And then we were sitting at the cellar table.
Oh, and Jim, you fucking weasel.
Right.
We started giving each other shit.
Right.
Yeah.
Is that why you backed out of it then?
I started getting a few in on him and he goes, whatever bus boy.
And the whole fucking table, like an EF Hutton commercial.
Everybody just stopped.
What?
He goes, what are you, why are you calling him bus boy?
He goes, Bill Burr's going to do stand up on a bus to get Yankton.
And it was like, what?
Dude, needle off the record.
And I took a, I took a headlining set.
It was 45 minutes.
There was, there was people who weren't even comedians listening, laughing or
feeling bad.
As I just sat there.
Even the actual bus boy was like, come on, man.
And I just sat there and took it.
This is what fucking kills me.
A month later, Keith Robinson came in with a Keith Robinson shirt on.
That was two Keith Robinson.
And we started shitting on him.
Yeah.
And he stood up and he ran out of the cellar.
He ran out of the, out of the restaurant.
And I was sitting there like, I didn't know you could do that.
You just get up and leave.
I thought you had to sit there and take it.
So anyway.
You took it.
Yeah.
The whole time I knew I wasn't doing it.
Right.
But I knew you were doing it.
Yeah.
But I didn't say anything.
Yeah.
I didn't say anything.
Was that before or after Bobby?
And I didn't say anything.
Was that before or after Bobby showed that horrific video of you on the roast?
What year was that?
Because that was one of the most humiliating things ever.
And I think maybe I was like, Steve's taken enough of a pounding.
That was probably right around the same time.
All right.
This is what happened.
Steve.
Who?
Innocent Steve.
Young Steve.
Doesn't know any better.
Just happy to be here.
Just wants to tell some jokes and, you know, ease the pain of somebody's work
week.
Right?
Yeah.
You guys are going to shit on me and call me Lego head hair and AIDS beard
every time I
show up.
And I'm just going to take it and love it.
You guys are great.
Oh, AIDS beard.
I remember that.
It was all patchy.
It was all patchy.
Who came out?
It was a great one.
AIDS beard was great.
That was a great one.
So he borrows Bobby Kelly's video camera to film his audition for SNL.
You're like 18 months into the fucking business.
Like an idiot.
And then he gives the camera back.
And Steve Byrne, glutton for punish, left the tape and the camera.
And Bobby edited the worst parts of it together.
Because you just leave it running.
Not Bobby.
Old shark eyes Kelly.
When he takes a bite of the burger, that eyelid goes up like a fucking shark,
you know?
And the only way you can make Bobby docile is if you turn him upside down like
a shark.
That's when they're immobile.
Oh, like an alligator.
You rub his belly.
You know what's funny, though?
You know what's funny?
He has been jolly Bobby.
Ever since he lost the weight.
No, but no, no, no, no.
Once he had the kid, all right?
He was like the Grinch.
The pilot light came back on.
Those dark eyes got a little.
Hey, they may be brown at this point.
They're not midnight black.
The only guy I ever met with black eyes.
I think they might be brown now.
And then he got his big producer glasses.
Yeah.
Yeah, and he's like this fucking guy that everybody loves.
But now, he's losing the weight.
And they are like, it's like a horror movie.
They're excavating evil Bobby with every pound that he loses.
He's becoming Bleecker Street Bob again.
He's a neighborhood guy again.
What's up, Keith?
Hey, what's up, guys?
Hey.
When he starts wearing a leather jacket again, you better make sure you know
where all your video cassettes are.
Let me just tell you that right now.
He wore, well, anyways, that story, he edited the worst parts of it together in
a Colin Quinn's roast, or it was Voss's roast.
It was Patrice's roast.
It was Patrice's roast.
Bobby, like in eighth grade, you pull out the TV with the VCR and everything,
and he hooked it up, and he showed the worst parts of it.
And everybody was there, but I was emceeing that night at the cellar, and
people came in.
They couldn't even look at me.
Oh, we were all yelling, shut it off.
They couldn't look at me.
We were all yelling, shut it off, because it wasn't roast jokes.
He just had this videotape of you in a private moment of shit that you were
going to edit out.
Dude, it was like the closest thing to a snuff film I ever want to see, and I
just remembered, oh, my God, I remember going over to this cellar, and you were
just sitting there.
Oh, yeah.
Because you were hosting, right?
I said, hey, Steve, what's up, man?
You didn't even look at me like, I'm surprised you're still even talking.
And I was just like, and I tried to tell Bobby.
I tried to go, Bobby, you fucking destroyed it, and he got mad, because I think
he kind of knew.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, oh, whatever, dude, shut the fuck up.
Yeah.
It was like, you know what he was?
He was like peshy when he shoots spiders.
Don't make me think about what I just did.
But I can't dig a hole.
I never dug a fucking hole before.
I'm surprised you don't want to be my friend anymore, Bill.
That was me, yeah.
But Bobby, I remember Bobby got this.
My wounds are all broken.
That was a, when I think back to that, if I was even remotely a healthy person,
like 90% of my friends, I would not have.
Oh.
And them included, because we've all grown as people.
We could all go back in time.
Like Bobby now could not hang out with Bill back then, and me now could not
hang out with Bobby back then.
No, no, no, just that whole, that's why I stopped, like that table was just
toxic.
There were nights where it was like, I was sitting there, and I was still like,
you know, this young comic, and I was like, you guys like, you do this to each
other all, this is crazy.
Like, this is not normal.
And so I had to sit at the bar.
You couldn't eat rice when you were down there?
Oh, dude.
I was eating Chinese food.
And I hear, I'm like, what the fuck is that?
And I look 