Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-23
Uploaded: 2023-06-09T18:29:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-23' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-23' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-09. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-23

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in to see
how your week's
going um i've been watching a lot of sports hey by the way by the fucking way
if you listen to my
last podcast kind of everything that i said was going to happen both in the
basketball finals
and the stanley cup final kind of happened you know and i didn't see one
fucking person
one tweet one twiddle one fucking instagram nothing going like hey man that was
a good call
you know well i will reiterate what did i say after game one when the fucking
uh nuggets semi blew out
the miami heat even though they cut it down to nine i said with the fucking end
of the game
jimmy butler was already strategy strategizing whatever the fucking word is
that would have
made me nervous i said something like that no i didn't say i guess i didn't say
they're definitely
going to win game two but i don't know all right you got me on that one all
right but the fucking
the hockey one you know when i was talking about i was waiting for that fucking
call since 2018 2019
i told you the florida panthers are a six with a bunch of makeup on and
everybody thinks they're a
fucking 10 they don't have a norris trophy winner they don't have a fucking ovechkin
all right they're playing whistle to whistle and then when shit's not going
their way they try to
start some shit and they punch a goal scorer in the head three times and when
he retaliates the
fucking refs call matching roughing minors right but what happened what the
fuck happened the referees
got it right in game one
they called they gave they gave the panthers a four minute fucking power play
and they gave
kachuk a fucking game misconduct and i said right there they cracked the
fucking code all they got to
do play whistle to whistle and when they try that rough shit that fucking punk
ass shit because there's
no fucking probert to come over and beat the fuck out of them right because
they got rid of guys like
that in the league all they got to do is just put the helmet down take the
punches to the head
and and then that's going to be it they're going to look like a fucking eighth
seed and what happened
game two the fucking vegas knights went out there and and mopped the floor with
them seven to two
shout out to kachukto with that a beautiful legal shoulder to shoulder open ice
hit um all of a sudden
their goalie's looking regular right all of a sudden they're getting fucking
traffic in front of them
not saying the series is over but um
i don't know i was so fucking frustrated
watching you know my team not play whistle to whistle
and then whatever the fucking maple leafs were doing against them
i mean for the first the i have said this a zillion times they they've escorted
them into their own
fucking zone look like a five on three at even strength for the first three
games and they're
like oh wait a minute maybe maybe we should you know fucking hit somebody they
were in game four
and that was it was too late it was too late it was fucking it's fucking
irritating me
it's irritating me the way like when i watched the st louis blues win the
fucking cup
and and and the guys were going like you know this guy this kid net i tell you
this is reminding me of
patrick war it's reminding you of patrick war patrick war never got pulled out
of a game in the
fucking finals what the what the fuck are you talking about why do i give a
shit why do i give a
shit to this level huh you know why because it's all i got that and a fucking
cup of coffee
every once in a while oh fucking billy dries a bone
you know i think what i'm gonna do every month is just i just fuck everything
except coffee that's
what i'm gonna do and i'm just gonna sit there like the goddamn fucking bald
curmudgeon ginger that
i'm just gonna sit around drinking coffee talking about the way things used to
be
oh my god i got shut down so bad by this fucking old dude oh my god i was at
this coffee shop and i
was killing it with the small talk i was in a great fucking mood you know i was
hanging out with my
beautiful wife you know just having a great time and uh i don't know i don't
know what the fuck i was
talking about and there was this there was this fucking guy in the corner he's
playing that game
you throw the dice and then you move the checkers up and down there's they're
black and white like i
don't know what i don't know what the part cheesy i don't know what the fuck it's
called and he looked
really angry and he looked like he wanted to be alone right so my wife you know
she comes over and i go
look at that fucking guy over there jesus christ guy's got some goddamn issues
um steering clear
of him and she goes you know he would probably like nothing better than if you
went over and said
hello to him and i was like really i don't think so but i am kind of fascinated
with that game right
and i didn't think anything of it and i i had my little fucking uh mini cappuccino
and you know me
i got nothing else i got nothing else to give me a fucking buzz in life so i
say fuck it i'm getting
another one so i go in there i make some small talk with this fucking lady you
know from the pacific
palisades we headed off we're laughing we're joking around and i come walking i'm
like you know
fuck it i'm gonna walk up to that angry guy who's clearly saying don't fucking
walk up to me because
my wife's going like you know what he'd probably enjoy it and i'm in a good
mood and all of a sudden
i think i'm billy fresh face gonna turn somebody's life around and i walked up
i go hey man what is
that how do you how do you play that game game up by you know by yourself alone
or whatever i don't
even if i got it out and the guy just without even looking up just put his
hands up he goes sir please
i'm enjoying my alone time
so i fucking you know i just turn around and i'm fucking laughing right and i
see the blonde lady
who i was fucking shooting the shit with and she looked at me smiled and i winked
like you know
whatever you know this fucking guy's this guy's angry i went i fucking sat down
and neil was going like oh shit he fucking he fucking shut you down i'm like
that is the second
fucking time you've done to that to me this year you told me to go up to kareem
abdul jabbar i knew
he didn't want anybody coming up to him but you wanted a picture so fucking bad
and i went up to him
and he was he just oh god i can finally think about that without cringing that
fucking conversation
um that's the second time and you know what they say bad things come in threes
right people
bad things come in threes makes no sense bad things don't come in threes bad
things happen
good things happen you know you just you just count up to three and then go
back to zero again
that's what's happening all right you could say bad things happen in 17s if he
just kept going
and 17s not even divisible by three is it i don't think it is then again i went
to public school
and and and a lot of people's math doesn't make sense to me like you know what
fucking drives me up
the wall oh i'm on one right now i'm fucking on one i you'll fucking annoys the
shit out of me every
goddamn fucking stupid playoff series all right the favorite gets the first two
games at home right
and if the other team wins one game they go they now have home court advantage
how the fuck do they
have home court advantage how the fuck does that like somebody please explain
that to me
you're still gonna play four games in my building what because you won one of
them somehow i don't have
four games what like what is the i could win the is it because after that the
the the the underdog has
three home games and the other person only has two well that's gonna happen
even if i win the first two
games after two if you don't start counting them if you fucking go back to zero
there's five games left
three of them are in your fucking building what are we doing here is it because
you won it in my game in
in my arena right and now i got three away games in your arena now you're
suggesting that the home team
automatically fucking wins which obviously they don't because you split at home
the fuck are you talking i i just feel like that is just some invented
you know espn just trying to add drama they they didn't take away home court
game seven
is still in your fucking building so is game five
the fuck are we doing here
sorry oh yeah took away home home court advantage is that what they did is that
what just happened there
who gives a who gives a who gives it well i go to i go into your building and
let me guess did they hand out
plastic sticks for them to slam together underneath the hoop like every other
goddamn arena they go to
do you realize how not distracting that is to an nba player i actually think an
nba player
is so used to people doing all of that what it actually would freak them out is
if you just sat there like gentlemen
ladies and gentlemen you were quiet you're like like he was lining up a putt
then i think it would be weird to him
i feel the same way about icing a field goal kicker it's it's it's like part of
kicking a field goal
it's like all right i'm gonna fucking you know warm up here and he's gonna call
it there it is he called the timeout
i'm gonna a little little bucket stretch here okay here we go all right here we
go
this one's for all the whores at hooters right you fucking line it up
you kick it right down the middle and he's got fucking ice water in his veins
he doesn't
he doesn't have ice water in his veins he should that's just part of it
bill what are you really upset about oh i don't know
fucking zillion things zillion fucking things it's so weird because i just you
wouldn't know it i just
took a little mini two day you know vacation with my lovely wife it's in
between our birthdays
we went away we had a great time went away in my truck we stayed in a little
air stream
and we're just away from everybody and we had a great time
and then the second i fucking get back to civilization
hit this fucking traffic hit this fucking traffic out here
you know 10 30 in the morning bumper to bumper traffic it's like
none of you are going to work unless you're driving a truck
if you're driving an 18 wheeler you're at work the rest of you where the fuck
how are you not late
does everybody sort of work remotely now is that what the fuck it is or is that
just like a whole
bunch of uber drivers um i don't know so i sit in this fucking traffic
oh a fucking hour of traffic at 10 30 in the morning and uh
hit a little breakfast spot get some coffee with my wife and then i had to go
my little egg beater helicopter every 100 hours they got to do you know change
the oil check all
the liquids and all the fluids or whatever the fuck you i'm not a mechanic they
make sure everything's
what it's supposed to be right so i gotta fly this fucking thing right over the
goddamn highway where
i just sat in the traffic set the fucking thing down i get an uber i'm coming
back
in the exact same spot i got in traffic i sat in it again
same amount of traffic it doesn't matter what time it just doesn't matter i saw
an article where
they were saying that they were gonna start maybe charging people to use the
fucking highways
to try and lessen traffic it's like okay wait a minute our tax dollars built
those
fucking things and now you're gonna make us pay for them again you're gonna do
that to hard-working
people i mean i'm a comedian i don't fucking work hard i don't mind paying a
little extra
you know i guess that's not how it works though right i like when they ask rich
people to
the fucking pay a little extra and they get upset you know that's fucking
socialism oh
you you cunt you broke a union and you moved your widget factory to a fucking
someplace where they have
no rights and now they're sewing your shit together for a dollar a month why
don't you throw some money in
the fucking till all right you've fucking pleated s