Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-6-23 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2023-07-07T19:29:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-6-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-6-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-07. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-6-23 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm checking in on you.
How are you? Oh, I'm sweating my balls off here in fucking New York City.
Jesus Christ, the last two times I came to New York, I really, I actually was
just like, you know, I could live back here.
I like this. This is fucking nice. Now, came back with this fucking bullshit.
I don't know what happened to my, I used to stay in this part of the city all
the time.
I can't even tell you how many fucking rats were running down the street.
The amount of goddamn fucking people that go, dude, what's going on in L.A.?
Because all they show in L.A. is a bunch of homeless people stabbing each other.
I'm not saying that isn't happening, but that is not indicative of what goes on
when you walk down the fucking street.
Um, they immediately go to downtown L.A., they immediately go to the worst
thing.
I'm just on a random fucking street. Dude, the streets were alive with the
sounds of rats running down the fucking street.
Like, the only thing that was missing was that fucking jerk-off with the flute,
walking them out of town into the East River or something.
Um, I was hanging out with my buddy last night, right?
I was on fucking West Coast time. We were sitting in this little park that I
used to sit in all the time.
Not even, it was more of like a, uh, it had concrete, but you know, it was a
place where they actually put benches and they actually let you sit down, one
of those places.
And, uh, there were so many fucking rats on the goddamn sidewalk.
I mean, granted the trash was out, but I lived in this neighborhood back in the
day.
There was nothing like this.
Like, even the crazy homeless people were fucking walking down the middle of
the street.
They were yelling at the rats, but they were like, I am not fucking, I'm not
going anywhere near those things.
I don't know.
Kind of, I like, you know, it's a good thing.
Liking where you're at.
Um, so anyway, I am, uh, I got a show tonight in Allentown.
That was another Billy Joel one, right?
Any, any place you go in Pennsylvania, you know, there's some sort of rust belt.
That guy wrote a song about it, you know, say goodbye to Upper Dobby.
I know that's in, uh, Philadelphia, whatever.
I'm in a grumpy fucking move because I forgot today was Thursday and I already
did a podcast for somebody else.
And I thought my podcasting was over.
I'd also not had, um, a cup of coffee.
Right.
So, I mean, I'm kind of losing it with this, you know, the first 10 days of
every fucking month.
I fucked it up last month because it was my birthday.
I was like, ah, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And, uh, you know, I did well for like five days.
I started on June 30th.
Then July 4th, I'm like, what am I?
Who am I?
You know?
Some guy with fucking freckles on his balls.
I'm not gonna, uh, you know, smoke a cigar on the July, on the, on the July 4th.
On July 4th.
So, I did that.
And then I came to the city last night and I hit up a buddy of mine.
And, uh, I sat in a rat infested fucking block and smoked another one.
And I'm just like, what am I doing?
Then I'm walking around out there in the heat trying to find a cigar.
And it's fucking hilarious.
Like, nobody sells cigars, but everybody sells vape, weed, and, and, and, and
whatever else they got going on in there.
It's kind of funny, those, uh, those weed and vape stores.
I don't get, like, why is it, like, so, why do they come with the Tokyo vibe?
You know, you ever see, like, pictures of Tokyo?
Like, it looks amazing.
Like, it looks like Times Square, you know?
But these fucking, you know, but it makes sense because every, everywhere over
there, at least the pictures I've seen, is kind of what this, this city looks
like.
So, it, it, I'm gonna use this word.
It fits in with the aesthetic.
Woo!
That's a fucking $18 word right there.
It fits in with the aesthetic.
These fucking weed vape stores, it, they're just next to sort of these bland
things.
And then they just got, like, these, all these, this, it's like a fucking
tropical fish tank.
Like, come on in and get your drugs, man.
Um, so we, you know, we kept going into those places.
You got any cigars?
And they said, yeah, but they had the ones that, you know, the kids buy and
take the tobacco out and make a blunt out of it.
Which, you know, people say this younger generation doesn't want to work.
But, you know, when they, they, these younger kids could easily buy a pre-rolled
joint.
And they're still taking the time to buy a bad cigar, crack it open.
And I still don't quite understand how that works.
I've watched people do it, but I just, I feel like once you break the leaf,
like, how do you get it back together?
And then it's just, oh, you just, I just sort of lick all up and down the
fucking shaft.
It's great.
And then what?
I'm going to smoke that?
That ain't fucking, no.
Let me get the pre-rolled one that the AI robot fucking licked on with its,
with its fake tongue, with the synthetic saliva.
Um, anyway, somebody sent me this piece on, uh, Robert Kennedy Jr.
Uh, the left is already depicting him as a conspiracy, conspiracy theorist, lunatic.
Um, so you know what that means?
That means he's good for the people.
He's not good for the banks and the fucking, the war guys.
You know?
Like, I don't, they do this, the Democrats do this every fucking election.
You know, and they, they're going to fucking, they're going to, they're going
to do a big hit piece on him.
They're going to fucking trash him.
They're going to ignore the fact that the guy works for a nonprofit and fucking,
uh, holds corporations accountable for polluting the water.
They're going to ignore all of that shit.
They're going to, that guy's out of his mind.
He's into shapeshifters.
No, he's saying, isn't he saying that, like, he doesn't believe the Warren
Commission?
I mean, that's not too fucking crazy, is it?
He doesn't believe Saran, Saran acted alone.
I can get with that.
I love how he's a conspiracy theorist, but I can just, because I'm not running
for office, I can say the NBA's fixed, but people don't walk around, you know,
right now.
You know, they'll trash my comedy, but they don't say I'm a conspiracy theory
lunatic, theorist, lunatic or whatever.
They always fucking do this.
Anytime there's somebody for the, for the, you know, I'm not saying who's the
best guy or whatever, but like, I love when they do that.
You don't, um, and look, you expect it from the right, because this guy's a
lefty, but when the left is doing it, that's when you're like, ah, so you don't
want me to pick him.
I see what's going on here.
I see what's going on.
So I'm going to pick that guy, all right, because I'm a rebel, you know.
I just bought a new black leather jacket, and I'm going to put the collar up,
and I don't give a fuck that it's the hottest July 4th in modern history, or
whatever the fuck they said, all that scary shit.
Whatever, we're going to, you know, we're going to figure it out.
We're going to figure it out.
Somehow, that's what you got to keep saying to yourself.
We're going to figure this shit out by staying the course and acting like
everything's okay.
And then when we can no longer deny that everything is not okay, we will then
waste time blaming each other, all right?
And then Billy Joel will write a song called We Didn't Start the Fire.
And then that's it, and we'll just move forward.
Sorry.
I'm a little heat exhausted here.
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to these shows.
I read this book.
I got to tell you guys, maybe once in a while, you know I read a book.
And then when I read a book, I never shut up about it, do I?
Because I'm so proud of myself that I actually fucking read a book.
I'd be more proud of myself if I could find my little backpack, my pack for
backing.
Dude, it was literally, it was next to me on the Davenport here.
I'm staring into my age using old people words.
Get your feet off the Davenport and look at you, look at you.
Go put on some clean clothes.
You got stuff all over your trousers.
The fuck is the goddamn book?
You motherfucker.
It's Man's Search for Meaning, I think.
Viktor Frankl.
So it was about this doctor, Jewish guy.
The guy survives four concentration camps and then finds meaning in his
suffering in order to be able to move forward.
Dude, some of the quotes in this fucking book, he said,
there's only two races of men, decent men and not decent men.
And every group has both.
So there's no such thing as a pure race.
And he also said, no man has the right to hurt another man even if he was hurt.
Just shit like that.
It's just like, Jesus Christ.
I never looked at it that way, you know?
Man, I approached the world as a sports fan.
But he finds purpose in suffering and all that.
And it was fucking amazing.
Uplifting book.
And a quick book.
It's only like 150 pages, right?
So, you know, that's right up my alley.
You know?
My only complaint of the book, not enough pictures.
But, so I go to his Wikipedia page.
And of course, like, his contemporaries have to take the piss out of him.
Going like, well, you know, he wasn't really in Auschwitz for four days.
It's like, that's four days too many in my world.
That's four days more than me.
And then those other ones he wasn't.
It's like, it had to be the most cunty fucking thing I ever read.
Well, he wasn't in Auschwitz, really.
It's just like, are you out of your fucking mind?
The guy lost his wife.
The love of his fucking life.
He was tortured.
He wasn't fed and all that.
And he figured out a fucking way how to survive it.
You're going to fucking nitpick that?
Unreal, man.
Is it unreal?
I guess it isn't.
I guess there's always going to be that, you know?
Comic has a great special.
There'll be some.
He's not that funny.
All he's doing is this.
You know, I guess I get that with the pettiness of show business or whatever.
And even politics.
But you got to think.
You know, if you went to numerous concentration camps, people wouldn't nitpick
your fucking stats.
This other guy goes, actually, the real hero of the book is actually him.
I'm not going to lie to you.
After a while, towards the end, I was saying, this guy's kind of gassing up his
new, he came up with this new fucking therapy.
So he was definitely selling it.
But, you know, I'm selling my bullshit, right?
We all are.
You know?
Like I drag, you know?
House bitch fucking something, something, something, you know?
Billy Joel can write a song about it.
Sorry, I was just in a car and that song came on.
It has the funniest lyric I've ever heard.
Trouble in the Suez.
It doesn't really rhyme with anything.
And I've always been meaning to look up what the trouble in the Suez is.
That's one of those songs that people who aren't baby boomers fucking can't
stand because it sounds like baby boomers whining.
And then when you go to the video, it's only baby boomers watching the song and
they're all just sitting there going like, oh my God.
Like, Billy Joel could give like a fucking history lesson.
It's just like, he's not giving a history lesson.
If I just say Watergate, I can say Watergate, World War II, the Industrial
Revolution.
I haven't said fucking anything about him.
Have I?
I can't come at Billy Joel.
He seems like he went to summer school like me.
Right?
So I got a sticker.
He did the work.
Come on.
Pass him.
Um.
Bill, are you riffing about a Billy Joel song from fucking 34 years ago?
Yes, I am.
I live in 1989.
It's my safe space.
That's where I live my best life.
That was another thing I got out of the book, too, was he was, he was talking
about how finding true happiness is, is, you know, it's basically the opposite
of what they're selling us.
I know this is really old and really fucking hacky, but, uh, you just, I see it
all the time on, uh, like Instagram and I give into it.
You know what I mean?
Like, ah, look at that car, man.
Wish I had that car.
What if I was in that car and I was driving down the street?
People saw me