Name: Monday Morning Podcast 8-14-23 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2023-08-15T17:44:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 8-14-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monday Morning Podcast 8-14-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-15. Transcript available.

Monday Morning Podcast  8-14-23 | Bill Burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning
Podcast for Monday, August 14th, 2023.
What's going on? How are you? How's it going in your world?
Um, oh Jesus. I am all vacationed out.
I had a great time on the vacation. The vacation was too long.
Too fucking long.
Because we did Martha's Vineyard first before we came to Massachusetts.
You know, and usually we just go to Massachusetts, but I went to Martha's Vineyard
first.
And, you know, and I was good after Martha's Vineyard.
But then after Martha's Vineyard, we went to Massachusetts, in case you weren't
listening in the beginning.
After Martha's Vineyard became Massachusetts.
And, um, yeah.
I, yeah, I'm, um, and it was funny, now I'm on the fucking road, you know.
My family's back west, and I am fucking, you know.
I'm still out here.
I did Springfield two nights ago, which was amazing.
You know, I, uh, I hadn't been there in a couple of years, but like, you know,
Springfield used to just be sort of a really small city, except for the, uh,
you know, the Basketball Hall of Fame was their, their big claim to fame.
And now, you know, you know, you couldn't miss it.
Now it's all buried.
There's all kinds of buildings and stuff, all built up or whatever.
But I went out there.
I did the show with Tony V.
He absolutely murdered.
The night before I was up at Giggles, my Clark's place, the, the house that Lenny
Clark built, and, uh, had a great time going up there.
That's the greatest hang in comedy, um, for my money.
And, um, I went up there, what was it, Friday, to shake the rust off.
And, uh, then I went up to Springfield, had a great show there.
And last night, you know, we were in Halifax.
You're supposed to fly up and come right back.
And, um, we got fogged in, so we had to spend the night there.
But it ended up being a great thing, because I got to walk around the city a
little bit this morning and see how beautiful it is.
Very underrated, you know?
A lot of people want to go to Montreal.
I would say, don't sleep on Halifax.
You know?
It's sort of like chill, Montreal.
There's not a zillion people there, and it's, I don't know, I think it looked
just as beautiful.
And, um, you know, like, it's probably less expensive.
It's kind of like Milwaukee versus Chicago.
Like, you go to Chicago, I mean, just, by the time you get into Chicago, after
sitting in that fucking traffic, you don't give a fuck anymore.
You're just like, that was one of the worst experiences of my life.
But then, you know, right up the street, you got Milwaukee.
It's literally on the same lake.
You're looking at the same fucking water with, like, half the traffic.
I know I've seen this a zillion times.
So, I mean, I love, you know, both cities for different, like, Chicago, I guess
once you're in it,
and you're sort of walking around, but, like, you know, Chicago actually
reminds me of L.A., where it's like, it's a city, but it also, in a lot of ways,
looks like a suburb, you know?
Where L.A., but, you know, it's not as bad.
But, like, L.A. looks like one giant fucking suburb that never ends.
And every once in a while, there's a cluster of buildings, and you're like,
what the fuck is that?
Oh, that's Century City.
That's the Time Warner Center.
That's the, that's downtown Glendale.
And the rest of it is all, like, seems like it's six stories high.
All right.
My fucking brain is all over the place, because we, last night, when we flew
into Halifax, you know, it was one of these things.
It's like, I wanted to go home with my family, and they were just going, like,
well, we'd really love to have you up here, blah, blah, blah.
Then they said, listen, we'll fly you up and fly you right back.
The same thing.
So, I said, all right, fuck it, I'll do that.
Fantastic.
So, we ended up flying up there, and we're coming in on final approach, and it
was like, the ceiling was, it looked like it was like 250 feet, came out of the
clouds, and they had lost one side of the cockpit, as far as their avionics,
whatever.
But, you know, they have the backup system, and then they have a backup system
to that, I guess, as far as flying instrument, which would have been going back
to the old days of VO.
And then, you know, I mean, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, but I don't
know, but I don't know, but I don't know, but I don't know if I'm going to be
able to fly right back.
So, I was working with Tony V and Todd Parker, the author of Billionaire Boogeyman.
I'm trying to think the last time we all did a fucking road gig together, if we
ever did.
We ever did, so we went up and had just a fucking great time.
We show up.
All my Canada gigs lately have been, like, outdoors, in, like, these parks and
stuff, and I'm always going up going, this is going to fucking, this is going
to suck, you know?
Because I am, like, institutionalized from when I was coming up.
If you had an outdoor gig, it was just instantly, like, the best thing that it
could possibly be would be less awful than some other outdoor gig.
But the ones out in Canada have been unbelievable, so we show up, there's, like,
fucking 10,000 people on a hillside, you know?
It's looking like Woodstock, and we were like, what the fuck?
I'm thinking, are they going to be as drunk as they were in Calgary, you know
what I mean?
Oh, no, Calgary, they were drunk when I was indoors.
Outdoors, it was during the day, so they were actually a nice crowd.
I don't know, they all run together after a while.
And, anyway, they went up, we went, all went up, and the crowd was fucking
amazing.
Everybody had a great set, and, you know, they let us smoke cigars in the tent
backstage while we were waiting to go on.
And it was one of those things, like, you know, it looked fucking big when you
just looked at it,
but when you walked out there on stage, you were like, Jesus Christ.
And I had one of those sets where, I don't know, I was just on.
So, like, I think I did, like, 10 minutes without even getting into my act,
which is great, because that is the game.
You know, once you've been doing stand-up for a while, it's like, how long can
I avoid my act?
And it's good if you can, because then certain jokes you don't have the time to
tell, so you get, like, a night off.
That joke gets a night off, and it doesn't get all fucking used up, you know?
It's like farmers, they don't plant the same soil every year, you know?
They fucking switch over.
So, it's the joke version of that.
Not to get all John Cougar Mellencamp on you, you know?
Which is basically not being a farmer and speaking for them.
I'm kidding.
I like what he does, you know?
He tried to fight the bankers, didn't win.
You know, was he John Cougar when that happened, or was it John Cougar Mellencamp?
It was John Cougar, then John Mellencamp, then John Cougar Mellencamp.
I think that was, I think that's how it went.
Something like that.
You know, I got a buddy of mine, like, he loves, you know?
You know, like, when you know what bands people are into, you know?
And when you find out that they really love a band, and they don't know that
you know
how much they love the band, and then what you do is you just start trashing
the band
to someone else within their earshot.
It's one of my favorite things to do.
Like, I knew this guy, I knew that he loved a couple of these bands,
and one of the bands came on the radio.
And I was just like, oh, God.
I don't understand why so many people like this band, right?
And I see him perk up, and somebody goes, you don't like them?
I go, dude, Freddie Mercury is basically gay meatloaf.
Which I obviously don't feel.
I was just trying to get my buddy going, right?
He's basically gay meatloaf.
It's sort of, you know, that sort of musical theater angst, you know?
Won't you find somebody love me?
Someone to love, you know?
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.
You know, nerd angst?
Are they just all, you know, that huffing and puffing and running around a
stage,
you know, in the most effeminate way ever?
Like, I just, you know, I was just going that route.
Like, driving, and this guy's going,
because, you know, I don't even understand, like, what even your fucking
musical...
Like, we don't line up at all.
Like, he finally figured it out that that's what the fuck I was doing.
For the record, for the record, I think Freddie Mercury might be one of the
greatest frontmen of all time.
But, like, as an ACDC fan, like, there's some...
Like, I love Roger Taylor straight across the board.
All right?
But, like, you know, when it gets a little too dramatic...
Like, I'll be honest with you.
Let's have a nice segment for you.
Like, what is a band or a song that everybody loves,
and you just sit there, and you feel like an alien?
You know, at first you're like, oh, God, I fucking hate this song.
But then after a while, when it just keeps coming on,
and every time people just freak out and have this emotional response,
after a while, you get past your hatred of the song,
and you just start observing the people
because you're so tired of being the only one who hates the song
that you actually want to just sort of observe people enjoying it
to try to figure out what is it that I'm missing?
And for me, the number one example of that, for me,
is that Queen's song, Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear to God, I could fucking murder somebody
when that fucking song comes on.
It's such a stupid fucking song.
It doesn't make any sense.
I don't give a fuck that it's difficult to sing.
I see a silhouette of man who will be
Waba-woo, waba-woo, where you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning
Very, very, very, and I mean, the bar, Galileo!
What the fuck are we doing here?
Was it like a vocal warm-up that he just put to fucking words?
I fucking hate that song.
I hate that fucking song, and it was gonna go away,
but then they put it in that fucking movie,
that SNL movie.
What the fuck's the name of that movie?
With Mike Myers and Dana Carvey.
Wayne and Garth's Big Adventure.
I can't remember.
It was a long fucking time ago.
Anyway, they made that song,
like, they brought it back
from the fucking dead,
and now it's just, like, it's over.
Like, that's literally, like, you know,
for the next, like, 30 years.
Wa-na-na-na-na-na-na.
Like, fucking in the mood.
That fucking song.
Like, you know, I bet somebody in 1940s
was, like, fucking hated that song,
in the mood.
Especially if he came back from war,
you know,
and he had PTSD, you know,
you're trying to block out
all the fucking horrors of war that you saw,
and then there's just all these people,
do-ba-da-ba-do-ba-ba-do-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba,
wa-na-ba-da-ba-do-ba,
and you're just sitting there going,
I swear to God,
if one more person
starts doing a funny walk,
pointing up at the ceiling,
dancing to this fucking song,
I am gonna take some of my military experience
out on them.
You know?
So mine is that,
I hate that fucking song.
And in defense of this,
I love when people hate songs that I love,
or hate a group.
Like, there's a kid down at the comedy store
that fucking hates ACDC,
and I just,
I can't get enough of listening to him
trash ACDC,
because nobody really does.
And he really hates them.
And he has such passion
for how much he hates them,
and I just think it's the funniest fucking thing
ever.
It was like in that Ginger Baker documentary
when he trashed John Bonham.
Like, nobody trashes John Bonham.
And out of nowhere,
Ginger Baker just goes,
John Bonham couldn't swing a sack of shit.
I almost fell out of my chair like,
oh my God,
nobody trashes John Bonham.
There's a clip of Keith Richards
trashing him.
Like, Keith Richards
doesn't like Led Zeppelin so much
that he didn't understand
that Led Zeppelin
was a joke,
that Led Zeppelin was in on the joke.
It was like, you know,
I think they were talking to Keith Moon,
and when he told him,
you know,
when someone was telling him
the lineup of the band,
Keith jokingly said,
like, that's gonna go over
like a lead balloon.
You know,
that old school expression,
like, you know.
So they took th