Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-14-23 w. BRIAN HOLTZMAN | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2023-09-15T03:18:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-14-23 w. BRIAN HOLTZMAN | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-14-23 w. BRIAN HOLTZMAN | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-15. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-14-23 w. BRIAN HOLTZMAN | Bill Burr

all right hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday
afternoon just before
friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you checking to see
how your
week's going and uh we got the video going so that means i have a very special
guest and uh
this guy i don't know what to tell you about this guy other than he is when you
think comedians
comedian comics comic whatever you want to say the guy that makes all the other
comics stop what
they're doing stand at the back of the room to see what this guy is going to
say um he's got a new
special out called hashtag was it cancel holtzman the one and only the legend brian
holtzman thank
you thank you very much yeah you like that dude um i don't know what to say to
you man i have been
the first time i saw you was when i was just a wee lad um the late 90s i went
down to the
comedy store and i saw you on stage and you had this leather jacket on you were
telling the crowd
is made out of baby seal and that you you had aids you took a bath and you got
over it just just the
most irreverent craziest shit and yet you were still killing and uh i don't
know it's just an honor to
have you on here and it's an honor to promote your new special thank you thanks
for having me uh bill
bill yeah you can call me bill can i call you william yeah you call me william
so um
let's get into it man you're you're uh you're living in texas or you're you're
cal your little
little i went out to the new mothership joe rogan's new club the mothership i've
seen it yes you were
there quite the joint yes uh he modeled it right after the the the comedy store
for good reason you
don't know why fix it if it's not broke it works really well and but i've uh
and i go back and
forth yeah how do you like texas yeah i go back and forth that's why i go back
and forth no texas is
great but uh it's texas i know texas doesn't have state tax okay so i get that
aspect of it but i feel
like if you if you weren't born there when that summer heat comes i mean it's
bad enough out here
like that fucking i feel like i'm paying state tax out here for no humidity
like that shit that
or mosquitoes oh my god or like fucking hurricanes and all of that's like that's
really like kind of
something that fascinates me right now where people think that they're gonna
move somewhere
and all of these these problems are not going to affect them and it's just like
we're all in this
we're all in this together so it's just like i don't know where you're gonna so
i'm just like
i'll just fucking stay here i'm i'm enjoying the amount of people leaving california
i hope more
people do it yeah because i'm gonna stay you know they say i want to move i
want to move to a state
where my vote counts well you better bring a snow shovel you know well i mean i
don't think it
counts anywhere it's always going to be it's going to be right it's going to be
fucking yeah does it
really count it's a good point it doesn't count anywhere you move no i don't
think it does because
i went when when even like when liberals oh my god we're so much better than
you we even when
they're just overtly fixing things like the last two like uh elections i always
say this shit they
fucking bernie sanders won the popular vote and they were just like yeah no we're
going with the
company man you got hillary whatever this fucking bozo's name what the hell is
what's his name biden
joe biden i'm out i i sleepy joe yes sleepy joe it's a nice way of saying he
has fucking dementia
and he's right next to the red phone but that's not a concern right right that's
not a concern for
people uh what have you been up to as far as like uh uh touring you out on tour
uh no i'm just hanging out at the mothership i guess uh i'm it's the lazy way
to tour
okay you know i can stay there and uh you know and i'm not because you know how
airports are today
if you can is that what it is is that why you don't do the road because you are
to me no you got
to put asses in the seats and i'm not there yet okay and until i don't
understand how you're the
funniest fucking guy out there well uh uh it's all on me you know it's uh you
it's you know uh
maybe someday you know that's what the hope is but i'm enjoying the ride you
know up until then
you know what i mean no i get what you're saying and i don't want to go to some
nowhere land no place
and you know you've been to all of them they drop you in the middle of nowhere
and you get there and
you go why am i here oh yeah you kind of got yeah that's something that you
know i mentioned like
like uh there's certain people that just great at the business and okay at
comedy and then there's
guys that are great at comedy and they're not good at the business so yeah you're
not you're not
so if you guys you know it really is you know that's what really what it is if
you want to
you know until somebody holds my hand or you know because that's what's funny
because like that's the
same i think in all art forms and everything it's like art like this is this
okay this is the greatest
guitar player this is the greatest painter or whatever it's like are they
really or did they just
have the greatest hype i mean it's still good but like the hype machine there's
always this fucking
guy around the corner going dude there's this guy two towns over man he could
play with that guy plays
blindfolded or uh he's just you know we just where is he stays to himself he's
at work that's you
he's at work yeah do you ever try to get better at the business are you content
no i'm doing now i'm
reaching out i reached out to you to be yes to be on here i reached out to bobby
lee and i wish i reached
out to uh theo vaughn and i uh joe rogan knows i'm interested in doing his
podcast and uh so i am
you know i'm the kind of guy that doesn't like to ask for anything you know i'm
from back east
what does that mean that means you just uh you don't want to ask for anything
you just you know
how's that working out it doesn't work out very well especially in show
business
there's another thing back there's another thing back east they're going like
don't be getting all
fucking happy don't be getting all happy like dude there is just so much trauma
back east you have to
get away from it not saying forever but again you got to stand back and look at
it and then finally
see it and then see how it affected you and try to like because who the fuck
was you know i'm not happy
and then i don't ask for help i mean i mean and then i take it out of my
children on the holidays it's
just like stupid my parents took my brother bruce and i the uh westbury music
fair back in the day
and uh long island right and it was uh hal linden remember bonnie miller yes my
mother was
loved that guy oh yeah so it was he was the headline he was a man he had a nice
full head of hair he had
a nice mustache yes yeah they liked that oh he loved that linden looked like he
uh had a cologne on
and uh and uh he was the headliner he played the clarinet and then uh and then
uh before he he he uh
the first comic was bob lemon an older gentleman
mm-hmm and then that's when i realized you can be very senior and still do
comedy and it was great
his name was bob lemon he's probably gone now and then guess who came up after
bob lemon
buddy hackett buddy and murdered and murdered right he told the guy the kid in
the front row with his
parents that your parents ever find your math jacket or you know buddy hackett
right right and it was
great than how linden linden is this the one that's in the round right it was
very in the round i haven't
done that in years that was like amazing to perform there because i saw uh holly
mandel did a special
there and absolutely killed so it was amazing to be there so i never knew where
you were from so you
grew up because you don't have an accent i'm from long island you're from long
island and what year
did you come out from boston i'm from i'm no but i'm from the uh the i'm from
the suburbs well i was
too like they don't you know they don't make movies about the suburbs of boston
they make movies about people from you know southey charlestown dorchester like
that's where the
stories are um but i i grew up in the uh the suburbs are fantastic pond hockey
street hockey playing hoop
and and pick i grew up in a very like uh a very nice town i didn't have to deal
with that shit that
and you left your job you left your day job to do comedy i did and it worked
out wonderfully it has i
never left my day jobs because you used to work on airspace sure was spoiling
me every night of the
week i'm doing comedy at the world famous comedy store in los angeles every
night i could still do a day
job but you know as jay leno always says the thing that will spoil a comedy
career
is a day job
so what you're working on airplanes right i was working for uh united airlines
for 17 years
then i was working at the aerospace corporation in el segundo this is what the
fuck he was doing
during the day and then he would go down to the comedy store and you were
better than all of us
and i was you know at the i was uh they had they had uh aerospace corporation
it's a funded uh government
space you know and uh i was a security guy at the gate and at the end of the
time i was there you could
have showed me a mcdonald's gift certificate i would have let you in
they had contractor badges they had the military badges i had like 20 or 30
different fuck
fucking can you is it right now i'm sorry you can say fuck
fucking badges then after that i got a job in manhattan beach
uh in the police department because you know i had an act you know my act yeah
when you have an act
like this you lose a job you go out and get another job no one's gonna tell me
to keep you don't
don't quit your day job i know that i know that i'm getting another fucking job
no one has to tell me
that you know but i was spoiled she spoiled me you know where else do you want
to do comedy
and it was that thing in your head that you want to be discovered in la if you
know
she ruined my life i came down here from san francisco from united i said i'll
go to the comedy
store and i'll get this thing over with and they'll tell you if you're funny or
not i'll tell you you
know so what do you mean get this thing over with like what were you thinking
like well i you know
comedy we grew up with some of the biggest comics in the in the business you
know it's you know i guess
i'm very humble you know i wasn't like you know i could do you know i you know
so you thought it was
this silly idea you had you were like all right i wanted to just put it to bed
i didn't i wanted to
just do it and see if they told me get the fuck out of here at the comedy store
then i could say i didn't
try okay i went to the mecca and i and she and then you see what happened now i've
been
fucked for my whole life yeah why well sometimes you you sometimes don't you
sometimes uh envy just
regular people 100 that's what i see 100 we always got to be thinking we always
it's not like playing
in a band where you can go up there like a 100 on crack and play the same
fucking song for 30
fucking years and everybody's like oh oh oh oh you know we got a different
audience every night we got
a different head our head is different every fucking night every you know it's
it's it's the
most uh if you if you break it down it's the most craziest you know to make
somebody laugh it's the
and it's also a gift i mean right it's like making but i think i would go nuts
if i because um i feel
it's just how life is like if your life is really busy and it's really loud
like i feel like what i do
for a living is loud i would say so i mean like i'm loud the crowd's loud
whether they like it or not
it's just loud and then so then i crave after is quiet i don't want to i don't
want to hear me i don't
hear anybody else i just want to go sit somewhere and like when i'm driving in
the middle of nowhere
um to some of these cities you know the places in between that i just sit there
going lik