Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-23 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2023-11-25T03:57:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-25. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-23 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before
friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you i'm just checking
to see
how you're doing are your weeks going and all that shit um how was your thanksgiving
you know there's a lot of memes out there people talking about uh not bringing
up politics
a lot of jokes hey you want to fucking not get invited next year bring up
politics hey
you want to fucking do this uh you don't have a good time don't bring up
politics that's good
it's coming back around again that's what you did you didn't bring up politics
you didn't fucking bring up your gay uncle you didn't bring up uh religion you
know there was
all kinds of you just didn't bring it up you didn't bring up the physical abuse
you didn't
bring up the pain the lack of communication uh the walking depression everyone
was in you just
didn't bring it up all right you put your face down you ate your fucking food
and then you went
back in you watched the lions lose that's what the fuck you did that's what
thanksgiving was
nothing was solved nothing was said you know at least in the german-irish part
of the world
i'm sure the italians you know they're more emotional i'm sure something
semi-personal was said hey you know uh
that's the uh that's the time i grew up in so i had a great time
yesterday and uh i've watched the beginnings of two really good movies this
week and fell asleep like
the fucking old dad that i am speaking of which thank you guys for watching old
dads man it's been
fucking killing you guys got people out here in hollywood old tinseltown
thinking i know what i'm
doing um i started to watch um
uh the grifters which for some reason i didn't see it when it came out because
it just looked like a
smart movie and i was like that looks like a movie you're gonna have to think i
don't like thinking
that's where my brain was at movie came out when i was like 22
and then i sat down and watched it i was like oh i really like this this is
fucking dark this is a
good-ass movie and then i just fell asleep this is pre-thanksgiving dinner you
know this is like
the wednesday before fell asleep to the grifters and then last night i started
to watch belly
the uh hype williams movie with nas and dmx and uh i remember seeing i saw that
in the movie theater
when that came out in the late 90s long long long time ago and um i fucking
fell asleep to that i kept
waking up because there was so much gunfire in it and everything um
but uh i don't know is that the new segment for the dads listening to this
podcast
what movie tv show or game did you fall asleep to
it's always funny you know when you fall asleep not in your bed you know in
your house you just nod
up somewhere and there's always that point right before you open your eyes
where you don't know where
the fuck you are like if you opened your eyes and you were like in the custody
of a couple of
terrorists in the middle east you'd just be like oh all right i have no idea
where the fuck i you know
or driving a car or at the mall you know places where you wake up um did i just
shut off the recording
please tell me i didn't please tell me i didn't okay it's still going um
yeah i fell asleep uh in the living room on the couch last night and um
my lovely wife just left me there she knew better i think she just knew she's
like he's you know
a nice full plate of thanksgiving in he sampled all three pies there was
whipped cream on it i'm not
i'm not getting i'm not moving this this he is tranquilized that's what
happened to me
but um that was a fun movie though last night just watching how that thing was
shot was really cool
but anyway how about the fucking nfl this weekend
the nfl is just like fuck your marriage we know what you want
there was three football games yesterday god knows i didn't see him i saw the
fucking uh lions and packers
that kid for the packers gotta can it i saw him running for his fucking life to
the rough to the
right throws it all the way all the way all the way all the way over to the
other side of the field
the fucking ball was in the air too long you know thinking like it's gonna get
knocked down it's gonna get picked off
nope complete first down i don't know if it was first down but whatever it was
nice
um three football games yesterday there's a football game today on black friday
now everybody knows
today's the day you go out with your wife you go out to a box store and for
some reason you put your life
in jeopardy you know over you know you look at those box stores it's just
nothing but shit
everything in there is disposable shit it's not worth dying i say this every
fucking year don't die
don't die over this shit your kid doesn't give a fuck at the end of the day i
don't give a fuck
how much your kid wants that thing what your kid needs more than anything is
your time if you give your
kid your time your kid is going to be happy your kid's going to be secure and
feel provided you're not
screaming at them the whole time you give your kid time your time it's going to
be fine and then the
fact because they didn't get that fucking toy that bmx bike they always wanted
they'll be driven
and they'll go out in the business world with a fucker be fucked attitude and
they'll work their way up
the banking system or maybe they'll be part of the war machine but you can know
that they felt loved when
they were growing up see there you go that's how it works there's got to be a
fine line between giving
your kid your time and getting them you know some of the stuff i wouldn't even
say most of the stuff
that they wanted and not getting trampled at a superstore i mean at this point
you know that that is a
fucking option that you know you're going down there and shit could happen
right it was like going to a
fucking soccer game in england back in the day soccer a soccer game in england
um by the way you know i i love how much they fucking pay attention to us
all of those cunts around the world the amount of shit that fucking f1 race got
it's just like what is the fucking problem there's going to be cars going 200
miles an hour
through the city of los angeles and somehow all of these people had around the
around the world the
world the world had a fucking problem with it it ended up being a great race
you're always trashing american football we don't give a fuck about your
goddamn sports go go do them
nitpick nitpick nitpick
rugby guys are tougher are they fantastic go watch them have a good time see ya
what i'll watch my sports thank you very much i will watch nascar i'll watch
them drive around in a
circle if you don't mind thank you thank you very much you go have fun with
your fucking boomerang
and your feet and whatever the fuck it is you do and whatever the fuck it is
you do over there
i don't give a fuck what you're doing have fun get out there and go do a taipan
roundup or
whatever the fuck you do in the badlands i don't give a fuck
australian rules football right looks like a bunch of chain smokers
fucking in a rave or some shit right i don't give a i don't know if that's what
it looks like i used
to watch that shit when i first got espn i used to watch australian rules
football and i loved it and
everybody looked like like they at the very least had been convicted then at
least one felony
you know long hair sweat i just remember they would like pick somebody up
you know like that dumb shit people do at a wedding you ever see that shit who
does that is it jewish
people they pick the fucking person up in the chair every year there's a whole
compilation
of jewish men toppling out of the chair at their own goddamn wedding
you know somebody has gotten seriously fucked up really banged their head
maybe even a slightly concussed and had to fucking shake off a concussion
because you didn't want to ruin her day you didn't want to ruin her day um
i mean i gotta be honest with you that when i see that thing i think it's a jewish
wedding when
i see some shit i look at that and be like that looks like some dumb shit that
my people would do
the irish let's get fucking hammered and then fucking pick somebody up over our
head
that's just holding on to a piece of furniture we're not even holding on to him
what could go wrong
let's walk out here with the linoleum tiles at the fucking vfw let's spin them
around a little bit
then uh you got him do you go mikey
um anyway uh yeah the nfl was just like fuck your marriage this weekend it's
fucking amazing
i also think they're like competing with the nba
like i think it's i get having a football game on thanksgiving you sit down
this should be one
but to have three it's just such a douchey fucking move you know for a married
person because it's
like i know everybody's going to want to watch the dog show there's the macy
day parade there's another
game going on right and i'm going to be that guy just sitting in the corner all
twitching like
i'm wearing a wire you know and all the other gangsters in the room you're
right there bill is
everything all right yeah that's cool you know just once once uh just wondering
when this was over
what are you what are you in a hurry or something no no i was just you know
just curious open his
fucking shirt and then that's it then i'm in the fucking east river um and then
the nba
on christmas shows three regular season games who gives a one one how about one
why don't you do that i like lebron on christmas you know he's got the beard
right very santa claus-esque um all right i don't know what i'm talking about
anymore did you guys see
i got a buddy of mine last week on runway high school buddies and he swears
he says the lock of the week every week is the iowa hawkeyes under he goes they
got a great defense
they don't score any fucking points so i'm with them in vegas the over under is
27 points
27 all right just for you people don't gamble i mean usually in over underwear
under i mean a low one's
like 41 i feel 39 or something like that then you start going like dude what
the fuck right um
and the average i don't know let's say mid to late 40s 27 so this week so he
bets it and it comes in
he hits he goes dude he goes i'm telling you like eight out of ten weeks they're
gonna hit the under
just throw your money on that and then you know bet your other and i was just
like laughing and he just
text me and the over under for the iowa nebraska corn huskers game is the
lowest in college football
history tomorrow it's 25 and a half which is amazing to me not only you know
talking a 13 to 12 game and then not to mention when i was a kid when i first
started getting
football cards i remember nebraska would be like playing like kent state and
they'd be like 58 and a
half point favorites and you're just like how do you not just take fucking kent
state and be up
fucking almost 60 points and you'd do it and then you'd watch these guys
fucking turner gill mike rosier irving fryer jimmy johnson coaching the goddamn
team and they
would fucking cover be like 45 to nothing at the half you're like what the fuck
and then the final
score would be like 63 they always get like 63 72 um this is the opposite of
that in case you're bad at
math in case you are bad at math um anyway i gotta get on my shopping here my
fucking christmas shopping
i gotta start that today after the podcast um i did have a great week you know
i took a couple uh
people up in the helicopter this week which was so much fun i took my wife up
for the first time
um we had a great time she actually filmed it she put a little bit on instagram
i had like a
fucking perfect landing set it down like a daisy and she of course shut it off
right before i landed you
you know so you didn't see the the helicopter hop at all or anything you know
or like you know shake
and um i'm sitting there going like why didn't you film the whole thing oh you
know i'm thinking about
like instagram stories i think like that was one of the best landings i've ever
had but anyway um
it was funny you