Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday 12-7-23 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2023-12-08T00:25:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday 12-7-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday 12-7-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-08. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday 12-7-23 | Bill Burr

All right, rolling.
Hey, what's going on?
It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon
just before Friday Monday Morning Podcast,
and I'm just checking in on you to see how your week's going, you know.
And obviously, you're watching this,
which means I have a special guest, which we do from time to time.
This guy's been doing it.
I don't know how long you've been doing it,
but in my world, this guy's one of the up-and-coming kids here.
Going to come up and grab the brass ring.
I did The Ringers with him on Comedy Central, right?
Is that where that came out?
Was it on the Food Network? I can't remember.
And he's got a great new special out called Progression.
Please welcome the one and only Gavin Matts to the program.
Yes, thank you for having me, Bill.
You're welcome.
Yes, yes.
Ten years, ten years.
Ten years you've been doing it?
Ten years, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not that long, you know.
Stupid phone buzzing.
I was supposed to have it on quiet.
Oh, it's fine, it's fine.
It's just ten years.
Make it a noise.
All right, before we get started,
I'm a huge fan of yours.
Thank you, Bill.
Your style.
Oh, thank you.
You're completely like, you know,
like I was saying before,
there's enough screaming idiots out there like me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, I like to think
I'm one of the better screaming idiots
that doesn't know how to write a joke.
You're a good screaming idiot.
I am a good screaming idiot.
You're the screaming idiot now.
There used to be a lot of screaming idiots
and now you're the one guy.
I like it.
I like it.
Well, you know.
You don't see a lot of people scream anymore.
You got to go with your strengths.
I knew I was an idiot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, what if I turned it up?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're from an angrier time.
That's interesting.
Now everybody is more sad, I feel like.
Is that what it is?
Yeah, you know what I mean?
It's more like, ugh.
It's not as angry anymore.
Explain, explain, explain your generation
to an old guy like me.
Well, you know, you think about like Hicks and stuff.
He's like an angry guy.
He's like mad at America
and now people are just kind of sad about it.
There's not a lot you can do anymore.
So people are just sad about it.
I just like how you reduce Bill Hicks
to he's mad at America.
But I understand that because it's like
as time goes on, you know,
just everything, it's like people going back like
there's so many people now that just love
trashing the Beatles,
saying they weren't that good of a band.
Sure, I do think Hicks was good,
but I've been watching,
I've been on a Hicks kick.
I don't know, I watch him
and then I feel bad for him
just going like, you know,
like when you watch him like snap and everything
because he's all done that.
Yeah.
And you start thinking like,
you know, there's other options.
Sure, but what's rare with his,
I feel like,
because he has like a lot of weird sets
that are just like, you know,
like an Indianapolis,
like there's like a 40 minute set.
There's like a punchline.
It's like an hour and 20,
but it's like,
I'm like, how often were people
like recording sets even,
you know,
it's rare to have just like a club set
from someone where it's like,
now you kind of got to,
people show up with their own camera
and tripod.
It's embarrassing.
Oh, I know.
It's because I almost feel like
the stand-up special
is going away
because it feels like you got to,
it's all about clips now
and younger people
are just used to like Instagram,
you know.
Yeah, it's really sad.
I mean, I had a joke
that I liked
that someone commented like,
oh, it took too long
to get to the joke.
But I'm like,
the clip was like 50 seconds.
I would say,
don't listen to that.
I know, but you know,
I'm reading it
and then you also like
had reposted
so then I know
the notifications
are going to you
and I'm probably,
you don't look at it
but then I'm also getting it
and then it's just like
a guy on there
calling me gay
and then you're like,
this guy's calling,
this guy I reposted.
Yeah, but I,
I'm always going to side
with the comic
because people do that
to me all the time.
All the time,
all kinds of shit
like,
and it's also
all over the map.
Yeah.
Well, people are insane
and then, you know,
you can just go
to somebody's page
and see what they're
going through
and this one guy
who was being
kind of mean to me,
I go to his page,
it's linked to his Facebook
because he got a private page
and then I see on Facebook
he was looking for a room
to live in Albany.
So I was like,
oh, he's just going
through something.
He can't find a room.
You know what it is
is back in the day.
Yeah.
Back in the day
when there was just
like three channels
or even like
if there was just
basic cable,
like we all were
sort of experiencing
the same media reality
but now the rains
are completely taken off.
There's too much stuff.
Yeah.
So it's like you and I
on our phones
are living in two
completely different countries
or realities.
Oh, my bubble is insane
that I live in.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I'm into bubbles.
What's your bubble?
My bubble is just
kind of just like
I don't know
bad stuff happening
around the world
just feeding me that.
Oh, you get it.
Yeah, I get that.
I went to that period.
You got that period?
Seems to be loving
the Gaza Strip, huh?
There's plenty of bad
stuff going on there.
Oh, I mean, I'm not
but I don't want to see it.
You know, I want to live
outside of that.
I want to live
I want to live in like
Like when the Gaza Strip
started happening
did you get excited
like Netflix dropped
a new series or something?
No, I just
Oh, more tragedy.
I would like to live
in like a kind of
you know
a propaganda
that's good.
Oh, okay.
Like the 50s
but I'm not
I'm not able to
so I get
I get everything.
Well, 50s was weird
where on TV
if you look at it
as a white person
I mean, it was amazing.
Sure.
Those guys like
Hugh Beaumont
on Leave It to Beaver
coming home
in that fucking company car.
It's got Barbara Billingsy, right?
Oh, yeah.
The middle class was strong.
Yeah, came out
with like an Oldsmobile
you know, maybe a Buick.
Oh, he's moving up, right?
Then you get up to like
the Cadillac.
My granny.
My granny had a Buick.
All right, but
also what was going on
is you had like
the Cold War
you had
Well, you still have that.
Okay.
Again, don't you think?
Is that still good?
I don't know.
I don't pay.
I just
I can't like
I mean, you have kids, you know?
No.
You have a family.
That's not my excuse.
Okay.
I just can't handle
watching them separating us
and people allowing it.
Yeah.
Like just watching everything
get politicized
from viruses
to electric cars
to states
to cities
to the kind of shoes you wear
and it's just like
just all we're doing.
Spotify raps.
What is that?
So that's
this is just
it's a good marketing tool
by Spotify
that at the end of the year
you get your favorite songs.
You get your favorite songs
your favorite
how many hours you listened
and then people
Oh, that's nice.
And then people post it.
Oh, yeah.
But then you're seeing people
you don't like
who possibly listen
And then they get a half a cent
to the artist.
Oh, yeah.
The half a cent to the artist.
They fire all their workers
after they've made
you know
profit revenue.
Right.
It's like
yeah, so that's kind of
kind of what that is
and then you are like
oh, well, they like this artist
that I like
so now I don't know
if I can like them
because this person likes them
so even individuals, you know.
What generation are you from?
I'm 1994
so technically
millennial, you know.
I'm one of those millennials.
Yeah, no.
That we raised
Yeah.
And then we blame you guys
for the way we raised them.
Yeah.
And then you also say
that we suck.
Yeah.
Which I didn't do nothing.
Yeah, no, you didn't.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, I don't have a problem
with you guys.
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
I'm trying to bring
the generations together.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm the guy who's saying
when they put these
mandatory kill switches on cars
that all we have to do
as a people
is just walk to work
for about six days
and the oil companies
would lose so much fucking money
they'd go take those
kill switches out of the car
and then like, you know,
then the politicians
wouldn't get the kickback money
and then what they would have to be
is just be like
okay, you know,
the people have spoken
but they would still say
But you know what's going to happen
then.
They would say for now.
Yeah.
For now.
That's like when they
want to have that Robocop
in San Francisco.
Oh, we got one in New York now.
Yeah, people are like
you're not fucking doing that
and they're like
no, we are
and they said
no, you're not
and then they say
okay, we're not for now.
So it's like
so we really don't have a say.
Yeah, it's just a grace period
of maybe
oh, we'll wait a couple months.
That was like in New York
when they put the video screens
in the back of the cabs.
People were like
get these things the fuck out of here
and people would
vandalize them and shit.
And they took them out
and then a few years later
they came back
and they were even bigger.
But I think by then
people were used
But don't you want to play games?
Video games and stuff?
No, like in the car ride
they have like the
they'll be like
they'll have like a
multiple choice quiz for you
while you're taking the cab
20 blocks.
Oh, no.
Just to distract you.
Yeah, no.
I'm not into
I'm into
I'm into just
trying to be by myself
and be quiet
and just settling it
all down
because I'm a fucking lunatic
so I can't watch
you know
I watch those news channels
and I start thinking
I know what's going on
and I start thinking
I have a solution
and then I'm another guy
while I'm going
Oh, yeah.
You know what they gotta do
and I become that guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Then you do the solution
and you're like
we gotta put the kill switches
in the car.
Yeah.
But then what that does
Old school fans of my podcast
remember those years.
It didn't take much
to bring up the Federal Reserve
and then I was off
on that thing.
So
And when are you gonna blow it up?
No.
Jesus Christ
you're trying to get me
on a watch list?
No, I don't know what
I don't know why
it was like the typical guy
going
it's just federal
it's federal express
and then like
I had no solution.
Yeah, of course.
My solution is that
I said I had no solution
here's what
it's not me
I'm not involved
alright
fucking relax
the president
okay
he just sends like
50 army guys down there
and he walks into
all those pencil pushers
and he goes
yeah, this is over
you don't print the money anymore
we don't owe you shit
and that's a guy
who's gonna get something done.
Yeah, just be
the president
yeah, I know
I know
people believe that
I know
it used to be so good
you used to
you used to think
they could do something
yeah
they used to promise you stuff too
no
remember that?
a guy making 200
300 grand a year
is not gonna be able
to change America
no, no, no
it's too little money
it is
you gotta have way more money
he makes less money
than influencers
and I'm supposed to sit here
and believe
because of the color of his tie
and his speeches
that he's gonna go
we gotta get Biden
in some liquid death
oh, Biden
Jesus
we need to get Biden a home
he needs to be
in a fucking home
what we really need
is we need
two young people
running for presidents
that are gonna have to
live with their decisions
sure
I'm always saying
there should be a cap
yeah
always
there should be a cap
he does
I mean a lot of people
I think should say
there's a cap of like
maybe 60
because people
people work a regular job
they want to be done
at 60
listen
I'm 55
I would put it around 58
58?
because I feel the wheels
coming off
those last two years
are always the
I'm feeling
I'm going a little
yeah
I mean the White House
the problem is
they're gonna get those
for him
he's so old
and if he wins again
they're gonna have to get those
you know those seats
where they put the chair
they go up the chair
real slow
like an escalator
I think
because I'm like
he's gotta be done on stairs
I think he steps down
if he's able to
or falls off a chair
oh he steps d