Name: Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-21-23 | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2023-12-22T00:57:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-21-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-21-23 | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-22. Transcript available.

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-21-23 | Bill Burr

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you and i know where does my
skin end
where does the malibu sweatshirt sweatshirt begin you know i was trying to be i
was trying
to be soft and cuddly today it just didn't i swear to god it's not this light
but i'm looking
at myself on the screen i look fucking horrible this looks like a like a
hospital sheet anyway
that's a rich guy sweatshirt is it yeah that's like you never no one's working
out in that sweatshirt
that's that you go by camera you go by uh picture frames and that's what's
funny about this joke
i was out in malibu i was out in malibu staying in a trailer doing mushrooms
and we went down and i
it's just it's a touristy thing but it's one of those things that if you go
there you got to get
it and you know what i'm not gonna lie to you i fucking love this thing i also
love that it says
malibu and then people look at me and just think that i'm going to like lululemon
and shit there's
just something funny about that to me you know joe i figured it'd be a perfect
balance with with your
george c scott fucking uh you know old school lee marvin vibes you know same
three actors i always bring
up joe bartnick is here because not only is he a great friend of mine joey b
put out a killer special
and now we got tour dates coming all of a sudden look at look who's look who's
selling tickets remember
look who's talking now look who's talking to look who's talking now it's a dog
i'm a dog talking yeah
so joe bartnick all right if you like your comedy the way you like your fucking
sandwiches all red meat
none of that beta lettuce on it you want to go see joe bartnick uh 29th and 31st
new year's eve
boca raton that's a rich person oh yeah it's fantastic and i love boca boca
sandman uh sad man comedy cafe
sad man yeah sad man comedy cafe and boca raton it's funny because he is arab
so he is a sandman
oh there you go all right but he's called sad man sad man all right you're
gonna be a little tango
and cash down there uh january 11th you're gonna be at the funny bone in columbus
uh dave stroop
these are all the old oh my old stomping grounds vinnie brands new brunswick
stress factory on uh
january 14th and i don't know where this one is on uh ben salem the parks
casino and outside of philly
right there all right outside of philly so there you go look at that we got
florida we got ohio
where all the great coaches come from you got uh you got vinnie brands new
jersey where all the fall
the fucking tony uh what's his name terry cutlets yeah uh that's not his name
what's the guy's name
on the is it de mayo right no de mayo is an actual hitman what's his first name
is it tony it can't
be tony that's too on the nose i think it is tony it is tony devito right oh tony
devito all right
i think so i don't know i know who you're talking about hey man i don't know
what i don't know what's
going on all right i'm just trying to get the steelers over it was easy a month
ago they're gonna
get nine wins now it's like oh my god thank god my kid got a scholarship in
college well what
happened they lost it to two and ten teams yeah in five days us yeah
congratulations i heard you know
what dude we fucking own you guys the way the giants own the patriots like we
can't beat the
fucking giants i don't give a fuck if they're one in 15 or 15 and one the preseason
the season the
super bowl we just don't beat the belichick is just a great coach he's just a
great coach you know i
don't like his coaching tree that's the latest thing it's like nick saban's in
there nick saban's
in the belichick coaching dude the fucking cleveland browns fired bill belichick
with nick saban
underneath them in like fucking 1995 thank god that's what they did yeah thank
god that's what they
you know it's that's what cleveland does they just they're the mistake by the
lake and they want to
stay that way although they're playing pretty good football this year huh they're
all right right uh
they beat us i believe okay them's fighting words so i didn't want to i don't
want to compliment
cleveland no no it's fine i'm i always have a good time in cleveland yeah i
have a good time
let's be honest you have a good time everywhere i have a good time everywhere i
enjoy everywhere i go
long as the bar it was a war zone hey hey had a great time dude when we went to
israel there was
some bullshit going down in jerusalem oh it was the best yeah and the guys the
guy goes to us he goes oh
yeah you know sorry about that stuff going on down jerusalem and you said yeah
i don't care about the
jesus stuff let's just let's just go to they kept trying to drag me off the
beach we're literally
looking i talk about this in my act i'm gonna try to do that we're looking at
beautiful women look like
wonder woman they're awesome they're beautiful they can kill you you want to
fuck them okay hey you
want to go see some three thousand year old shit you're right about in catholic
school for a decade like
no no i want to smoke sticks and drink and have a good time they need to get
rid of that they need
to get rid of all of that shit they should just move it like to disney world
i'm surprised i wish person hasn't just bought it you know what they need to do
they need to make a wailing wall for sports gamblers on for like sunday evening
hit the fucking up right and then you stuff your money that you owe the bookie
into the
fucking is that what the wailing wall is people complain i don't know no it's
you go there and
you start fucking crying and then you stick a piece of paper in there and
everybody's praying to god
but god likes your people more than he likes these other people but he has made
everybody and god loves
there none of it makes any sense you stick money in the wall it's a bunch of no
you stick like
fucking like notes like you're talking to some chicken class you stick them in
there you stick
them please please get two more wins pittsburgh yeah yeah i can't handle it you
know from the
steel curtain to this i mean if you wanted to you could bother them with that
but wouldn't that
make life easier if like jeff bezos or someone just bought all the religious
shit and moved it somewhere like where everyone can get to easy direct flights
have a spirit flight to the wailing wall what if it just went away like a fad
like it was like a five thousand year fad and it just went away like the twist
oh that christianity shit yeah yeah that's so fast yeah yeah that went away
what were you thinking
yeah what were we thinking dancing people moving their hips you got walking on
water
it was silly that's stupid yeah no one's a lot of people died stupid yeah kids
got raped yeah what
were we thinking they said the guy like came back from the dead how stupid is
that people believed
it people believed yeah enough people believed it dude you know what's for me
at one time i
fucking worked with this guy and the guy was burning the light he was pissing
me off but his closing bit
was fucking amazing he was doing howard cosell doing the resurrection of of jesus
christ which is
basically i almost remember that from i probably told you about it and he was
doing the low thing here we
are standing out here the son of god is just waiting a minute what is this what
is this he's like the
rock is rolling back and here comes jesus christ clearly risen from the dead
clearly oh my god this
reporter has seen it all i'll never it was fucking oh man down goes jesus down
goes jesus dude it was
fucking it was my favorite thing because he did a dead-on one but he was like
burning the light like
you couldn't believe so he got to like then started the bit no like i told him
hey man you know you're
supposed to only do fucking 25 you did like 40. oh yeah sorry dude the next
night he did 50. 50. and
then he acting oh yeah i was this is like 30 years ago one of my first headline
dates working up in uh
i think i was in vermont it was a roger paul gig i wouldn't even way way back
in the day it's like
there's nothing better than featuring nothing easier you do your 20 minutes you
hang out you you have some
drinks you can drink at the beginning set up your merch yeah it's perfect who
wants to go long featuring
like you're a moron you don't have to wait to the headliners done to out to
fucking do the outro
remember that shit oh yeah hosting is like you sit there and sit there and sit
there when you're
featuring you're already you're already down the street yeah for you uh
civilians out there when you
host you go up you warm up you know you get them going you got to take the
fucking beach and then you
bring up the fucking feature feature ends you outro him you do another couple
minutes then you bring up
the headliner then you had to sit there for 45 to an hour let that guy finish
and then you had to go
up all right that's one more time that's it thanks for coming out but you
literally had to hang out
for like another hour just to do that when you're starting out you know you had
like the day job and
all of that oh dude and you knew his act by thursday oh yeah but you had to
listen to it four
more times i'll tell you what kills me is how long 45 minutes seemed to me when
i started out now 45
minutes goes by in like a second but just to have to sit there i guess if i
have to sit there and wait
for someone else to do 45 minutes before i go on i had a great education
working the door at the
punchline when it was you i would never know that about you
i had the education out on the street i got my education at the door at the
punchline there's two
ways to work with that one is when i can sit and listen to you and it tell when
louis ck and
chapelle i get to soak it all in that was amazing but we talked about educations
you know i get free
college sweatshirts and swag everywhere we go i go you're a mad guy yeah so
every if i have any like
whatever i'll say rhode island i'll say syracuse i'll say uh ucla whatever
people like oh did you go
there when i wear duke or michigan no one ever says did you go there yeah
what year to graduate do no yeah oh you you went to ann arbor no never that's
awesome
that would probably happen to me like i remember when i used to do the road
with like verzi
and we would go to i remember one time we were somewhere in south carolina this
just this
fucking i think it was charleston this picturesque like really it was just
ridiculous like like an old
school like like tv show would be shot there or something it was just the most
beautiful place ever
and we were just walking around in like sweatpants and verzi has his yankee hat
on people were just
looking at us like we were like in the witness protection program like going
look at these two
fucking meatheads what are they doing here i'm like that everywhere and i it
makes me smoke it makes me get
helped because it's like any any town i'm in people like at the cbs like do you
need help sir because
like why is this guy here like i i stand out every me and verzi especially
stand out everywhere we'd be
drinking in public like leaning up against the gazebo like smoking sticks and
people were walking just
looking and going like are those bookies like i mean i i you know what it
really is it was really verzi it
wasn't me like i just i look like a cop but when i hang out with verzi then
immediately i look like
a crooked cop right i look like i'm making a drop or something well yeah you're
you're giving uh
you're saying who's testifying against verzi yeah you're like hey here's who i
saw going to the
courthouse yeah verzi looks like a rat or i look like a crooked speaking of verzi
uh he's going to be
at the gramercy gramercy theater in new year new year's eve i promised him i
would give a shout out
for that oh it's so happy for him that's so verzi love verzi i am look at both
you guys here's my
coaching tree huh paul verzi and now joe bartnick going around the country
selling out we're showing
some good s