Name: Bill Burr-Conan O'Brien Last Tonight Show
Uploaded: 2010-01-26T18:36:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Conan O'Brien Last Tonight Show' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-01-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Conan O'Brien Last Tonight Show' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-01-26. Transcript available.

Hey, by the way, what did you think about all that, they've been asking, the
whole time
they were going through, people were asking me about the whole Conan Tonight
Show, Leno
Tonight Show, that whole thing, like, what you thought about all of that, what
are your
feelings?
This is, here I come with my typical glowing positivity, I think it is a high
watermark
of the end of entertainment as we know it, when a move like that gets pulled,
they are
setting, they have stepped so far over the line that they have ever stepped
over before,
the audacity of it, they've set a new standard for how much they are willing to
fuck you,
and all I could think the whole time was, if they'll fuck Conan, what goddamn
chance
do I have?
I know.
What chance do I have?
That was the classic, well, welcome to LA, pal, that's how it fucking goes.
Unreal.
I just think that, you know, I don't know, Conan is like, you know, I came up
on Letterman
and Conan, so when, you know, it was Letterman, you know, I'd watch Letterman
and then I'd
watch Conan, and then when Conan came up, like, I just feel he got fucked
because they never
gave him the Tonight Show in that, you know, when Jay got the Tonight Show, he
didn't have
to follow Johnny Carson bombing for an hour doing a watered down version of the
Tonight
Show.
Like, I get why Jay doesn't want to leave, I get that part, but I just feel
like Conan
got fucked on that whole ratings thing where, you know, Jay was going, yeah, he
wasn't getting
the ratings, he wasn't getting the ratings, he wasn't getting the ratings, he
was doing
that whole passive aggressive, yeah, I was just doing what management said, you
know,
right, he's such a fucking company, man.
Well, the thing about him is that if he would just, if he would just come out
and just be
like, look, I had a number one show, I wasn't looking to retire, and then when
they asked
me to retire, if he just owned up to what he did, and he just, if he just said,
look,
yeah, I didn't want to retire, and I just fucked, and they didn't think I was
going
to be number one in five years, and I'm like, well, I'll fucking show them, and
then
when the time is perfectly right, I'm going to say, guess what, I'm not
retiring, because
that's a great fucking business move.
That's what he did.
If he just owned up to that, and said, like, yeah, and I wanted to get my
fucking show back,
if he just owned up to it, rather than acting so powerless, like, you know,
management came
and talked to me, and he said, you know, we want you to leave in five years,
and I said,
okay, if that's what you want me to do, and just keeps doing that shit, that's
where
that dude becomes annoying, because anybody with half a brain could be, like,
can realize
that it didn't go down like that.
I just think that, look, I just think Conan got fucked, because, you know, Leno
got 18
months, he struggled for 18 months before he got going, and he got to go on
after a hit
show, he got to go on after ER, I mean, it'd be like, Joe, how do you think you
would
do if a comic went on before you, and walked half the room, and you go on stage,
and it's
like, you've got to spend half your show just trying to turn it into a show
again, and
I think NBC's making a huge mistake, because they're creating a generation gap,
because
it's going to go from a 60-year-old guy, down to a 35-year-old guy, and it's
like, there's
nobody for my generation.
Well, it's just, it's...
I'm going to start watching Kimmel.
Kimmel's good, I like Kimmel.
I actually would, I never watched him, just because I always watched Letterman,
and then
I would watch Conan, but then, you know, him coming out dressed as Jay, and
shit, it was
funny, and I'm like, I like this guy.
Kimmel's good, I like Ferguson a lot, and I think Letterman's still funny.
Yeah, I love Letterman.
I like, I never watch, I've got to miss, I never watch Colin Ferguson, because
I'm kind
of a racist.
Craig Ferguson.
Craig Ferguson, sorry.
I never watched...
Racist, what do you mean?
Yeah, I just hear that accent, and I'm like, yeah, why don't you go back to
fucking
Brussels?
Brussels.
You know, he's from, like, Scotland?
Yeah, I think Scotland.
I think it's Scotland.
Folks!
Folks!
I can't, I was gonna try to add, but I can't, I got nothing.
No, you should, but I gotta tell you, the way Conan went out, his last show was
great.
It was totally positive, he gave this inspirational speech that wasn't corny,
and then in the end,
he had Will Ferrell come out dressed as Ronnie Van Zandt, I think that's the
right name,
the lead singer of Lynyrd Skynyrd, and they did Free Bird, and he came out and
played,
and Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top, Jeff Beck, and that fucking black dude that
everybody likes.
Stevie Wonder?
No.
James Brown.
No, no, he hangs out with that other white dude who fucking plays an acoustic
guitar.
Sherrod Small.
But it's, no, keep going.
Not as black as that, a little lighter.
Come on, man, you know.
Keith Robinson.
No, he plays an acoustic guitar.
Babyface.
There's not a lot of them.
Babyface.
God damn it.
John Mayer.
Who's the, okay, who's the guy who fucking, he's the white dude, he's not Dave
Matthews,
he plays the YouTube guitar.
John Mayer.
No.
Eric Clapton.
You know John Mayer, I always buy Rolling Stone when I fly, you know, I just
read it,
whatever, try to keep up on, you know, whatever the fuck they're saying is good
music, and
they had on the picture a shirtless John Mayer, and I want to say he had at
least one of
his arms behind his head, and I was just like, you know, I just, I can't
fucking buy
that.
And that's one of those guys where he's constantly going on TV trying to
address why
people are saying he's a douchebag, and then he just continues to do stuff
where he's lobbing
it over the net to be called a douchebag.
I mean, maybe he has no sense of how you come off, but you know, not, I mean, I
got a lot
of balls talking about that level of fame, but I know goddamn well, Joe, that
if I ever
posed shirtless on a fucking magazine cover, and I wasn't doing it as a joke,
there's no,
I can't, I know I can't answer my phone for at least fucking six months,
because everything's
going to be you fucking fucking fag, you fucking douchebag, it's going to be
all of that.
I'm not saying the dude is a bad guy, but his just complete confusion as to why
people
continue to come at him like that.
It's like, okay, first of all, every fucking hot chick from 14 to 44 wants to
bang you.
Right there, the jealousy of all guys involved, right there, there's a certain
amount of, just
out of jealousy, are going to think that you're a douchebag, okay, but then if
you add, you
add that shit.
Jesus Christ, dude, it's so funny.
Why do you keep calling me a douchebag?
Hold on, more fucking glitter around the eyes, I want more glitter around the
eyes.
He's not that bad, but it's funny, he's actually a fucking great guitarist, if
he would just
like, it's like, dude, did Stevie Ray Vaughan, he's got a Stevie Ray Vaughan
tattoo on
his shoulder, he's like, did Stevie Ray Vaughan ever fucking do that, the only
thing he was
missing, he should have just been in like a backyard with like one of those
rope swings,
or I don't even know what the fuck it is.
Swing it from a tire?
Yeah, just, no, but then that would have been funny, like I literally, as, I
mean, I don't
know if it means I'm like homophobic, I couldn't buy the fucking magazine.
How could you?
Yeah.