Name: Help Bill Burr Pass 10,000 Subs
Uploaded: 2010-02-22T12:22:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Help Bill Burr Pass 10,000 Subs' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Help Bill Burr Pass 10,000 Subs' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-02-22. Transcript available.

You're a fluid, man.
Um, how the fuck do I get out of this?
What did I want to do here?
What was coming up next?
Oh, I know.
Recently, I've been trying to guilt you guys.
You know, a couple weeks ago, I talked about going to church for the first time
in a while.
And, you know, I was really annoyed by how they, you know, they just use guilt
all the time, the Catholic Church.
And then I realized, you know, the brilliance of it.
And I decided that maybe I, too, could use a little bit of this Catholic guilt
to get you guys to do some of the shit that I want you to do.
So here we go.
This is the Catholic guilt moment of the week on the Monday Morning Podcast.
Friends, each Monday, Bill Burr gets up while still in his underwear and
performs a free podcast for you in the name of Jesus.
So don't be a cunt.
Don't download his fucking DVDs for free.
Fucking buy a DVD.
Pay it forward.
Come out to one of his shows.
Just do it one fucking time.
And then I don't give a shit what you do for the rest of the time.
You want to steal everything I ever fucking made.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck, you cunts, you cheap fucks.
Who, rather than sitting down and watching my fucking DVD with all the extras
that I sat there and edited for God knows what fucking reason.
Because you're never going to see them.
Because you're content to watch it in eight minute clips on fucking YouTube.
You know you hate your job.
You know you hate your wife.
You probably don't like your husband.
But for 50 minutes each week you get a fucking breather.
For free.
So don't be a cunt.
If I'm in your area, buy a fucking ticket.
You know?
Buy my DVD for a friend, for a family member.
Buy it for Haiti.
Whatever the fuck you got to do.
You should see this fat fuck playing this organ.
Look at him.
You know something?
That's a hell of a talent, but it won't get you any pussy.
That's one of those deals.
It's like, dude, you know?
You had the right idea.
You just picked the wrong instrument.
For the love of God, eat an apple.
And that's it.
That is the Catholic guilt moment of the week.
And we fade down the fucking thing.
And that's it for the fat fuck on the keyboard.
They're always fat, you know?
It's the last time you saw somebody in shape playing a fucking organ.
A church organ, you know?
So there you go.
Actually, you know something else?
You know what else would be great?
This is what I would like you guys to do.
Because I'm trying to get people to go on billburr.com.
Why don't you sign?
At the very least.
At the very least.
Bring the keyboard back.
Sign up for my mailing list.
I'm at 9,900 people.
And this week, with the help of Jesus,
I believe that we can get it over 10,000.
10,000 people on my fucking website.
Put your hand on your computer screen.
Close your eyes screen.
And make a pledge for Jesus.
And make a pledge for billburr.com.
Go fuck yourselves.
Jesus ain't coming back.
All right.
Here we go.
We're back to the fucking podcast.
42 minutes in.
We got to wrap this son of a bitch up.
Because I'm going to watch some Olympic hockey.
Oh, hey.
I got a new fucking diet tip.
Don't eat after fucking seven.
And when you eat right at seven,
have like a salad with some protein in it.
Then you drink water the rest of the night.
And watch your fucking belly melt off.
Do some push-ups.
You get the fucking pecs going.