Name: Bill Burr - Bank Fees
Uploaded: 2010-03-16T17:35:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bank Fees' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-03-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bank Fees' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-03-16. Transcript available.

yes it is it is just as fucking bad so anyways just stay on i'm already off
fucking track you
know what my fucking bank did to me i walked in i had this account in new york
that i kind of uh
a little checking account that had a little bit of money in and all of a sudden
i noticed they
were taking some fees out i'm like well that shouldn't be so i get to new york
i walk in i
talk to the douchebag who works there and he goes yeah they're taking 27 a
month out i don't know
why that is here let me check to see what's up click on this thing and he goes
yeah we
shouldn't have been doing that and i go okay well can you refund the money they
go absolutely uh
and i go well you know i've had the account for like six years can we see how
long you've been
doing this and he's like uh i'm sorry our our records only go back for four
months
really it only goes back for four months that's amazing because my bank records
at home go back
the entire time i've had the account that's incredible and i just have some piddly
sum in
there while you deal with hundreds of millions of dollars if not billions if
not trillions
i don't know what the fuck you have i just know there's a fucking bank of yours
in every goddamn
state now but of course it only goes back like four months so i go all right
well what if i bring my
records in i look them over and i find out how long you've been doing it and
they're like now we
can only refund it for four months i'm like dude what are you talking about and
he goes well the
bank kind of looks at it like that that that was on you what do you and i was
like it's on me
to not to not be like paying attention to make sure the people who are supposed
to be keeping my money
safe aren't fucking stealing from me and he sort of like laughed i'm like dude
this isn't funny
this is ridiculous you guys just stole from me and if you've been doing it for
six years what's that
270 bucks dead another fucking uh 50 like almost 300 bucks a year for six years
that's like 1500 to
1800 bucks somewhere in there
and the guy's just sitting there fucking laughing and uh you know this is the
usual shit yeah what
are you gonna sue us go ahead we'll take some of that bailout money which is
part of your tax
money and we'll fucking uh so i don't know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna close
out the account
and uh and i don't know what do i do then i go across the street to one of the
four banks that
are left if anybody out there is in banking how do i get my money back beyond
the four months because
i know that they've been doing it longer than this um can anybody explain that
you know this is why
people this is why you don't put 100 of your paycheck into the fucking bank you
got to look at it this
way if somebody mugged you last week would you walk up to the same person and
take your paycheck
and stick it in their back pocket you wouldn't would you but for some reason we
have these fucking
bankers yeah i don't know i i i think everybody should turn like i don't know
everybody should
have a fucking safe that you have buried somewhere everybody's got a gun and
anybody can blow anybody
away i know it's all fucked up fucking assholes the guy's sitting there fucking
smiling you know
what he's sitting there doing he's doing that little twirly thing you know that
math people do with their
pens and people are into uh finances i think they do it to hypnotize you it
says the guy's fucking
sitting there telling me that they've been stealing 30 bucks a month from me
and all i'm doing is i'm
trying to focus on him i keep looking down at his silver shiny pen some sort of
mind trick
unfortunately i was aware of it how much said can you stop twirling your
fucking pen but i didn't want
to do that because i was trying to keep my cool which obviously is a difficult
thing for me to do
you know i don't know right now oh bill it's just 27 bucks a month times how
many fucking people
you remember superman 3 when richard pryor stole half a cent from everybody and
the next day he had a
fucking ferrari these fucks are taking 27 bucks a month from everybody i'm
convinced of it
it's the fucking mob i swear to god the mob went legit or those there will be
blood guys they're the
fucking assholes that run the goddamn banks these fucking cunts are just
stealing from me and there's
nobody nobody's gonna help me what am i gonna go down there i'm gonna get that
guy used to be on the
fucking uh leave it to beaver what the fuck was the name of that show uh maybury
i always hated that
show that old cunt walking around with their falsetto voice andy you know you
know what that show lacked
somebody that i wanted to bang
that's why i didn't watch it there was nobody fuckable on it that was the brilliance
of the
monsters that they were like this is gonna be hilarious we're gonna turn
fucking frankenstein
into drac and dracula into these kooky characters and it's all gonna be funny
but they knew at the
end of the day they had to be somebody that the male demographic would want to
fuck so they came up
with that girl who was allegedly ugly why am i explaining this classic show you
know the deal
and she looked like marilyn monroe and that's what kept you in there i don't
know right batman after
a while it's like dude what is going on with this 40 year old guy in his ward
and then all of a sudden
they had cat woman walking around that fucking whorey outfit is she the one who
started that shit
did women not dress like whores on uh on halloween before batman
or batgirl
or cat woman
cat woman was the bad one right
they're such pathetic cunts you know what i mean
it's when you take off that fucking ridiculous outfit
go stand behind a wall
and and start talking to people
and listen to how many people even fucking pay attention to you
they don't because you got nothing to say all you can do is just dress up your
goddamn twat
and start strutting around the fucking place that had nothing to do with cat
woman
that had nothing to do with her had to do with me fucking getting fucked over
by that goddamn bank
assholes
fucking assholes so now i gotta go down there i gotta go down there like like
some fucking
guy whose button store just failed after 75 years
you know frankie fish face and sons
remember those fucking um those businesses when you were a kid
it was always something something and sons
you know and like a lot of the times the kids were forced into the business
you know some italian guy he opens a fucking prosciutto shop
and then that's it it's like an arranged marriage except it's your job
you know they don't know shit about anything else
so everybody wanted to strike out on their own
and now look everybody ends up in a fucking cubicle
working for these fucking cunts who are stealing my money
that's uplifting isn't it