Name: Bill Burr-I Believe We Made You
Uploaded: 2010-03-16T18:44:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-I Believe We Made You' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-03-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-I Believe We Made You' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-03-16. Transcript available.

It's the word melancholy.
Anybody else spell melancholy?
You used to spell it M-E-L-L-O-N-K-O-L-L-Y like I did.
I wasn't that bad, but it was pretty brutal.
Like succinct.
I was playing this game, and you ever do that?
Like when you're texting and you come up with a word that you so can't even
spell,
like your brain literally locks.
And like succinct, I was like, how the fuck do you spell this?
S-A-S-A-Synced.
Is that like sync, like you brush your teeth, S-I-N-K-E-D?
You know, the past tense of sync, synced?
Or like sync something up, C-Y-C?
I think I spelled it S-U-S-Y-C.
And then laughed and hit enter, and then the computer was like,
um, did you mean succinct?
You know, you know when Google gets all cunty like that?
Um, I believe what you were trying to say was...
Really?
I believe we fucking made you.
That might have been...
My girl just laughed at me.
Neil, was that one of the dumbest things I've ever said on this?
That was pretty fucking stupid.
Yeah, I believe we made you.
You know what?
In 30 years, when I lead the rebellion against the robots that are, uh...
That are going to replace us, that's going to be our battle cry.
When we're standing there with our P90X bodies, and I'll be standing there
getting a sunburn,
just standing there with half a blue face going, um, I believe we made you.
Don't move.
Don't move until their screen shuts down.
That's the lights of their eyes.
It does have an attitude.
Well, come over here if you're going to be on the podcast.
It does have an attitude.
It's trying to help you out.
No, but it's...
It's not mocking you.
Yeah, it is.
Well, you know something?
I guess it all depends on the voice in your head, because...
Did you mean this?
The only thing that's missing, it should just have, um, dot, dot, dot in front
of it.
Yeah.
What the fuck was that?
Yeah, you're supposed to continue.
That just made it sound like it bombed.
You went, ha ha, yeah.
All right, move on.
Where are you going?
I heard you talk about your little Russian mail order bride that you watch on
YouTube there.
How hot is she?
You got to admit.
She's hot.
She's very hot.
Would you?
Would I what?
Make out with her?
I'm not answering that question.
It's a yes.
See?
Fucking champ right here.
Fucking champ.
Maybe we'll see her when we're over there in, uh...
And where?
She looks like she's doing pull-ups in some war-torn country.
When she's on that...
When she's on that...
When she's on that rooftop, and she's doing all her squat thrusts and making
noises like
a porno star, doesn't she look like she's in the middle of some...
Like they just bombed after...
First of all, she's tired after her set.
She's tired after...
Ah, ah, ah...
I'm tired of you fucking talking about it.
That's what I'm tired of.
So what do you think about that?
I think that brings it full circle to me having an attitude about Google.
I didn't ask you to...
I didn't ask you to put it up there!
Why can't I enjoy one of God's beautiful creatures?
Oh, please.
Give me a fucking break.
Fuck you!
Every time you see Kevin Garnett on the screen, you got to make that fucking...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, see?
Go fuck yourself.
Get out of here.
Can I see your brush for a second?
No!
Let me just see...
Get out!
Get out.
Get out.
Beat it.
I have to leave in 20 minutes.
You have to leave in 20 minutes?
Well, call a cab, sweetheart.
You know what?
Nothing.
Don't get that Google attitude with me.
Um, I have to leave in 20 minutes.
No one's stopping you.
Hey, Nia, how do you spell succinct if you're so fucking smart?
Because I told you how to spell it the other day.
Fuck you.
Shut up.
Shut your face.
Watch?
Why don't I listen?
Watch.
Succinct.
S-U-C-C-I-E-N-T.
Ah, you stink.
Is that not it?
No, it isn't.
Is there another C in it?
Can I tell you something?
This is when you know you don't know how to spell a word when for some reason
you're looking
to the right or left and there's nobody there.
You don't know how to spell it.
S-U-C-C-I-E-N-C-T?
No, S-U-C-C-I-N-C-T.
Succinct.
There's no E?
No.
That's a hard one.
Wow.
Facetious.
It's like facetious, right?
Like how you say it?
F-A-F-E.
I can't breathe with you.
We're going to have the dumbest kid ever.
It's a baby boy.
B-O-I.
We're not going to be, well, it'll go, that's why it has school and teachers
for dumb parents.
Did you just say that's why it has school and teachers?
Do you see what cell phones are doing to us?
I'm telling you.
That's why, good Lord, would you look at you.
Wow.
All right.
Anyways.
That's why they make them beautiful.
You just bombed the spelling test.
Wow.