Name: Bill Burr-Cleo
Uploaded: 2010-04-15T21:39:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Cleo' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-04-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Cleo' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-04-15. Transcript available.

Or what I perceived to be old when he got on.
He was probably like 34 at the time, which was ancient to me.
And now at my age, I would love to be fucking 34 again.
Oh, to be that age.
You know what was great about when I was 34?
I could run like a fucking 7.940 when I was 30.
When I was 34, it was a very good year.
My fucking dog just licked the bottom of my foot.
It's a goddamn freak.
I didn't have a dog that shit on the floor.
Or needed to go outside.
I did what I wanted.
I went down water slides when I was 34.
What's up, Cleo?
How you doing?
You know how psyched I was to see you?
You know how psyched I was to see you?
Because you were psyched to see me.
You're always psyched to see me, aren't you?
You know my dog actually misses me.
Comes into the bedroom at night and it fucking looks around for me.
Then it runs into my little office area looking for me.
Right?
If I'm not around, who are you going to wrestle with?
Let me see if I can get you to moan.
You won't do it.
You know where you are?
You're like that fucking frog in Bugs Bunny.
Then all of a sudden I bring you in somewhere.
Hey, Cleo.
Let me see if I can get you to howl.
You want to go outside?
Cleo?
This is going to be worth it, people.
Just listen.
Cleo?
You want to go outside?
Huh?
Cleo?
Cleo?
Hey.
She's getting psyched.
Cleo?
You want to go outside?
Cleo?
Cleo?
I want her to howl.
Come on.
Cleo?
You want to go outside?
Cleo?
Would you fucking do it, please?
Cleo?
You want to go outside?
You want to go outside?
Cleo?
Oh, you're fucking burning me right now.
Cleo?
Hey, fuckhead.
Cleo?
Cleo?
You want to go outside?
Cleo?
You know what?
Go fuck yourself.
Jesus Christ.
What was that, three minutes?
You blew it.
Cleo?
Why won't you howl for these people?
And in conclusion,
there is no podcast this week.
I regret to inform you.
Don't come over now.
Don't come over now.
You want some food?
You want to go outside?
Cleo?
I'm going to give you one more temp.
Cleo, you want to go outside?
Hmm?
Cleo?
Ah, Jesus Christ.
You know what this is like?
You know what you mean right now?
You know the hot chick that'll never fuck you?
And she just keeps giving you a glimmer of hope
and you keep coming back?
You keep coming back.
Whatever.
I still love you, Cleo.
You know?
Even though you just made me look like a fucking asshole.
You really did.
That was literally the Bueller.
Anybody?
Anybody?
All right.
That concludes my statement.
That's the statement I'm sticking by.
It's all in the police report,
as Tiger Woods would say.
All right.