Name: Bill Burr-Kobe Bryant and Laker Fans
Uploaded: 2010-07-20T03:11:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Kobe Bryant and Laker Fans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-07-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Kobe Bryant and Laker Fans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-07-20. Transcript available.

I did see some shit this week where someone was saying Kobe Bryant had five
fucking rings.
So if he gets one next year, he gets number six, then you have to say that he's
on par with Jordan.
As far as championships, yes, we can all do math.
But as far as him ever eclipsing Michael Jordan, he never will.
And I'm going to tell you this right now.
Not only will he never eclipse Michael Jordan, he's not even fucking close.
And I know what all you Laker fans are thinking.
But wait a minute, fucker.
He's doing the same fucking moves.
Yes, he is.
Yes, he is.
Physically, he can do what Michael Jordan can do.
Yes, he can.
All right?
But this is the difference.
Michael Jordan created those fucking moves.
All right?
You can find a guitarist in your fucking neighborhood who can play voodoo child.
Does that mean they're as good as Jimi Hendrix, who wrote the fucking song, who
was 20 years
ahead of his fucking any other guitarist on the planet?
Look, as great as Stevie Ray Vaughan is, I love that guy to death.
He can't touch.
He can't fucking touch Jimi Hendrix.
He can't.
Hendrix came up with that shit.
And then fucking Stevie Ray modernized it.
But it was Jimi's shit.
You know what I mean?
It's like a pilot.
He learns how to fly and then tries to compare himself to Orville and Wilbur
Wright.
Oh, they fucking flew only across the field.
I'm flying across the whole country.
I'm 3,000 miles better than the people who invented flying.
All right?
Now, Kobe Bryant has the, I think, has the athletic gifts of Michael Jordan.
And if you had the two of them play each other one-on-one at the height of
their powers, it
would be the greatest one-on-one game ever.
All right?
But as far as the forward thinking, the athletic genius, Kobe Bryant is not an
inventor.
He isn't.
He does have the drive.
He's got all that other shit.
But he doesn't have the ability to take the game 20 years into the future where
he has no fucking peer.
There was no arguments when Jordan played.
There was no arguments about who the best guy in the league was for the last 10
years of his career.
It was, you know, early on, before he established himself, you know, people,
you know, were throwing other names in there.
But after, you know, fucking 89, there was no question who the best player was.
And by fucking 92, 93, he was, without a doubt, the greatest basketball player
of all time.
And he still is.
Kobe Bryant, on the other hand, his entire career, there's always been, well,
what about this guy?
What about that guy?
You know?
Right now, is he Kobe, LeBron James?
You know, I still give it to Kobe.
Kobe is still beyond LeBron James, but LeBron James is very close.
There was no one near Jordan.
I can't even explain it to you.
It's like when you talk to those fucking douchebags from the baby boom
generation, those selfish cunts who hang their hat on.
They stopped the Vietnam War and then became corporate douchebags.
That's a big generalization for you.
They always say, like, no matter how much you get into the Beatles, you just
can't wrap your head around what it was like when they put out an album.
How far ahead they were from everybody else.
It's the same thing with Richard Pryor because what happens is as the years go
by, everybody rips those geniuses off.
And everybody gets caught up to where the fuck they were.
And what usually happens is if you're young, you're watching the contemporary
people.
And then as you go back in time, you go back 30 years, you go all the way back
to Pryor and you see him do the black guy, white guy thing.
And so many people have ripped him off that that the genius of what he does is
is a little tainted.
You know what I mean?
So that's like when people look at Kobe and that and they go back and they look
at Jordan.
They take for granted.
What Kobe's doing now, because it just seems.
It just like that's what basketball is now, because Jordan showed.
Showed him what was possible.
You understand what the fuck I'm saying here?
I'm sure Laker fans won't fucking they'll they'll argue it, but they're fucking
morons.
Anyways, they're going to be like, Jordan.
Kobe's just as good as Jordan.
You know, the same way they try to claim that they have fucking 16
championships or this other douche who wrote me this week who tried to say they
have 18.
There's such there's just no way.
To respect a Laker fan.
I just because so they're just transplanted fucking this.
There's so few people from Los Angeles.
And what happens is people move out there, you know, Hollywood fucking phonies.
And then the Lakers, you know, they always have some fucking amazing team.
They're a hell of a they're an awesome franchise.
I think they're there.
Wait, how many championships they got since 1980?
They won five.
Eight.
They've won nine.
They're better than the Yankees since 1980.
Better than the Canadians.
They are the franchise.
All right.
So all these fucking assholes go out there and they see Jack Nicklaus, a
fucking true fan.
Jack Nicholson.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Every time I want to say Jack Nicklaus, I say Nicholson and vice versa there.
God help me if they're ever in the same fucking room.
Really, Bill?
When the fuck would that happen?
Huh?
When you do some corporate gig for some people who actually did something with
their life and you go in there like a dancing monkey and then afterwards try to
talk to them in the green room as they're clearly blowing you off?
Anyways, the fuck am I talking about here?
Yeah, all those douchebag Laker fans, you know, I talked to him one the other
day like, oh, dude, I'm die hard.
I'm die hard.
And I found out he was from New York.
How the fuck do you go from being a Knicks fan to being a Lakers fan?
I'll tell you why.
You become a fucking phony.
How do you leave New York and move to L.A.?
How do you do that?
You know, unless you're in show business, which was he?
I think he was.
I can't remember.
I drank so much this fucking week.
Everybody's just amalgam.
Everybody's just a big, just amalgamating, if that's even a word,
into just one big face.
Just running their goddamn mouths.
My own fucking lawyer is a Laker fan, okay?
And we had that argument about the 16 championships,
and he just would not answer my questions.
I got a real thrill out of it, of beating a lawyer in a fucking argument,
because I just kept hitting him with that argument.
You know, I go, you go to the Staples Center, all right?
Now, you know, first of all, if you're going to make a 16 championship t-shirt,
because the Laker franchise has 16 championships, that is undebatable.
Okay?
But the Los Angeles Lakers have 11.
The Minneapolis Lakers have five.
So when you make those 16 championship fucking t-shirts,
you've got to say Minneapolis slash Los Angeles.
Okay?
Take the hint from the Laker franchise when you go to the Staples Center
and they don't have the Minneapolis banners up there,
because those banners belong to the franchise slash the fans of fucking
Minnesota
in Minneapolis.
The same way, and I've made this fucking goddamn example a zillion times,
and I'm going to keep making it, because every fucking week,
some goddamn Laker fan...
This is the last week I'm going to do it,
because now people have sent me those emails on purpose.
But, like, if the Lakers now move from Los Angeles to Las Vegas,
they win it next year for the franchise's 17th championship,
people in Los Angeles, what would you do if somebody from Vegas
came walking up to you and went,
that 17, bitch, we have 17 fucking NBA championships.
We are the New York Yankees of fucking basketball.
Would that make sense to you?
If you saw Las Vegas Lakers' 17 championships,
and they were walking around thrusting their chests out,
the Boston Celtics have won 17 championships all in Boston.
Okay?
That's it.
And if you people in L.A., you're still confused.
Like I've said before,
just think, count how many times you've thrown a rock
through the storefront window of an athlete's foot.
I can't even fucking talk this week.
How many times have you burned down your city?
How many times have you burned down the L.A. area?
That's how many championships you have.
All right?
So stop padding your fucking resume
like all you cunts do out there.
You're a goddamn PA,
and by the time you type up your resume,
you fucking directed the movie.
Fucking phonies who can't even show up to the game on time.
All right.