Name: Bill Burr-Single Moms
Uploaded: 2010-08-10T04:50:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Single Moms' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Single Moms' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-08-10. Transcript available.

Um, I don't know, but yeah, any single moms out there?
I mean, is there any sort of responsibility on yourself?
Do you ever sit down and just be like, wow, I, you know, no pun intended,
really fucked
myself over here, you know, I don't know.
I'm of that opinion that that's how you grow in life.
You know, you can't blame other people's for your failure.
Like Peyton Manning does every goddamn Sunday he loses.
We had protection issues.
Oh, that actually works.
Ah, that's what these single moms should do.
They should come out just like at the end of one of those Peyton Manning
fucking bad games
he has come out with the towel around your neck and just say, eh, we had
protection issues.
Um, I don't know if there was a hole in the condom.
Oh, wait, he didn't even wear one.
Um, it was because look, he had a condom on initially and then he went and he
put it in
my ass and he wanted to go back to my vagina.
So I made him take it off because, you know, I, I didn't want to get an
infection.
So I didn't get infected for anybody wondering, but now I have a child and you
have no idea
how difficult it is to try to raise this child.
I know it has to be unbelievably fucking difficult, but at the end of the day,
you're the one who
laid on your back and took a hot one.
Okay.
So for all you ladies, all the ladies out there, um, yeah, don't do that.
This is what you want.
You want to get married first.
So you're legally bound to that son of a bitch.
So when he knocks you up and then leaves like the piece of fucking garbage that
he is, he's
going to owe you money, you know?
And I know what you're saying, but what, some of these guys, they just blow it
off.
They become deadbeat dads.
They'd rather go to fucking jail.
And he was, then you married a fucking loser.
Okay.
Do you understand that?
You married a fucking loser.
And I think this day and age, women have no business complaining about, uh,
what they make an hour.
Okay.
Cause if you listen to the Beyonce catalog of music that she's put up, if you
can sit through
that hours and hours of shit that she has put out, evidently, um, you guys, you're
bootylicious,
you're independent women.
And, uh, if you like it, you got to put a ring on it.
I mean, right there is the trilogy.
That's all the information you need to get ahead in life.
I don't know what the fuck I'm saying.
Look, you know, I'm trying to be, uh, not devils.
I'm trying to be mediated here.
I understand that, uh, shit happens.
I mean, who out there in their fucking career never had a girl who was late,
never took a
chance, you know, we all have.
So this guy is wrong for judging him that harshly.
But these single moms to 100% paint themselves as these fucking victims.
You're not.
All right.
You know, goddamn well, it's not easy to raise a kid.
How do you not fucking know that?
I knew that at 16.
That was the horror.
The fucking horror when I was 16 to get somebody fucking knocked up, you know?
And I was so fucking nervous about knocking somebody up.
I didn't get laid till I was 19.
That's the only reason.
I could have got laid at 14.
Me coming down this fucking hall with my orange hair and my freckles.
I was beating the ladies off me.
It's like, listen, ladies, I'd love to have a threesome in the seventh grade.
Okay.
I get it.
You know, I'm like that white rhino.
I'm rare.
I'm desirable.
Like the Hope Diamond.
Ah, it was pathetic.
But even then, 19, I started my fucking banging career.
And I'm so full of shit.
All I would do is just make sure the girl was on the pill.
This is back when we thought AIDS you could only get if you were gay or if you
were a trucker.
And also, please don't take the podcast seriously, all right?
There's always people doing that shit.
I got an email from somebody who came out to my show down in La Jolla.
It was saying how he had to drag his wife to my show because all her
girlfriends were saying that I was misogynistic and anti-fucking women because
their husbands listen to my podcast.
And, you know, I'm not anti-women.
I just trash them.
So why don't you lighten up, you fucking whores, and come out to my show.
All right.
My house phone is ringing.
That's probably the landlord.
Where is the rent?
I will talk to you guys next week.
Everybody have a great week.
Take it easy.