Name: Bill Burr-We All Have Our Faults Part 2
Uploaded: 2010-09-21T15:41:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-We All Have Our Faults Part 2' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-09-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-We All Have Our Faults Part 2' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-09-21. Transcript available.

she would play mental games with me
and I'd end up feeling like a bastard
when she'd shoot me down for sex
I'd say that's cool I don't mind
then I'd excuse myself
go to the bathroom and crack one out
there you go sir
that's what you do
when you get to that fucking Kevin Spacey
beautiful mind level
you rub one out right in front of her
I've never done that
but I think that that's awesome
anyways
so anyways I still got to empty the barrel
but she wasn't involved
and when I tried to talk to her calmly
about what she was
see what she was thinking
and how she was feeling
it would never go well
she would turn on the waterworks
and play the victim
even though she was the one
who instigated the mind fucking
I'm not sure what her objective was
because the concept of emotional blackmail
is a foreign concept to me
I'd always try to approach everything
with a rational understanding
understanding basis
so that she wouldn't feel targeted
or threatened
I should also add
that it took a lot for me
to sit down calmly
and talk while
accepting criticism from her
as I'm a very direct
and often angry fella
well that's the only red flag there
other than that
you seem like you take your shit
and you give it as well
you gotta watch the anger dude
trust me
I can speak volumes of that
I'm not the best guy in the world
so you can imagine how difficult
it was not to punch her in her cunt face
okay this is getting a little uglier
as soon as she started crying
as I see crying as a schoolyard scapegoat for girls
to get what they want
because they know men don't know how to handle it
alright
I'm with you with everything right up to there
sometimes women do cry
because they're upset
they do have access to that emotion
more than we do
and I know
but I know that angry feeling you have
where you're like
this is how you have to gauge that
is basically
if they cry every time
then you can call bullshit
but if they only cry
once in a fucking blue moon
then you have to realize
that you've really upset them
and yeah
and then you just gotta deal with that
that fucking awkwardness
of not knowing what to do
and then also feeling like a bully
but there's nothing worse
I will agree with you
that if you're right
and you haven't done anything wrong
and then they start crying
and then
you know
you can't be a dick in that moment
but
you don't
that doesn't mean you have
just because they're crying
doesn't mean you have to apologize
if you're fucking right
you don't have to apologize
but there is that thing
where if you make a female cry
I mean
if you're any sort of a guy
it's very difficult
to just stand there
and be like
what?
what?
I don't give a fuck
you're crying
go ahead
cry some more
huh?
like that guy
in the great Santini
you gonna shed a few?
start bouncing a basketball
off the back of their head
you can't be that guy
alright
so let's plow ahead here
um
and anyways
females
if you wanna chime in there
uh
ladies
um
what's the deal
with the crying?
like what percentage
of it is bullshit?
can I get an honest
fucking
woman out there?
I mean
god knows guys
we have our techniques
to get out of shit
and they're fucking pathetic
and you see right through them
and I know right now
you're like
why are you just
rubbing their fucking
muffs right now?
because that's a strategy
to win arguments
you just keep feeding
their fucking ego
there's a lot of women
out there who really
believe that guys
are so fucking dumb
that they can't get
anything past them
and that's a great place
for them to continue
existing as far as
I'm concerned
oh yeah
no one can get
anything by you
you're just fucking
yeah
you're the fucking
god damn
world police
with you know
you have a vagina
you fucking know
everything
yeah
can't get anything
by you
you are all
powerful
I bow down
in front of thee
um
you know
it was funny about that
yet
any magazine
out there
can just
you know
fashion magazine
can just tap
into their
fucking
insecurities
and get them
to buy
the dumbest
stupidest
fucking
war paint
to put on
their fucking
face
because some
emaciated
I don't know
knee knocked
pigeon toed
fucking
drugged up
twat
is wearing it
but you can't
get you know
you can't
get anything
past them
that's great
my voice
just cracked
right there
can't get
anything
past them
um
sorry
I'm actually
getting over
a cold
if you haven't
if you can't
tell
how did you
get the cold
bill
was it from
traveling the
country and
doing all that
press
no it isn't
it's because
I played a game
of football
in the fucking
rain in street
clothes before
Monday night
football
last week
I'm sorry
I was amped
up
um
anyways
let's plow
ahead
so uh
basically this
guy deals
with her
for the next
two fucking
months
and he
finally ends
up just
saying
he woke
up one
day and
said get
your shite
out of my
flat
this this is
over I
can't deal
with these
mind games
so where
do I get
to his
question
here
um
anyways I
don't have
much of an
ego I
like to
accept my
faults
you know
what dude
you've said
that one
too many
times where
I'm starting
to think
maybe you
do
and maybe
this woman
is buried
in a new
fucking
turnip
garden
in your
backyard
I like
to accept
my faults
and admit
what I have
done is wrong
and learn
from it
so as not
to make
the same
mistakes
over and
over again
my question
is Bill
how do I
get them
to fuck
up and
stop testing
my patience
and how do I
meet someone
who doesn't
want to
control me
with their
bullshit
games
um
I don't
know
dude
I
half of
this
I'm
really
going
with
you
when
you
seem
like
an
introspective
person
and the
other half
you've
worded
this
kind of
like a
psycho
how do you
get them
to fuck
up and
stop
testing your
patience
like testing
your patience
that's kind
of like a
I pictured
Dick Cheney
type guy
saying something
like that
what the fuck
do I know
basically I don't
know what your
problem is in
this email
okay you
dated a girl
she started
playing mind
games with
you and all
it was was
after two
months you
were like
fuck this
pack up
your shit
and get
out of my
life
um
so
be one thing
if you were
still in the
relationship
then I would
say that you
have problems
but you
don't
you uh
you met a
psycho
so what I
would say
is uh
I don't
know just
stay single
stay single
right now
and wait
till you
find someone
who doesn't
uh
try to
mind fuck
you the
problem is
you sound
like a
younger guy
and the
problem is
is what
you're learning
is that the
crazy girls
they they're
really down
for anything
when it comes
to sex
and uh
that's really
hard to resist
in your
20s
so uh
what I would
say is in
the future
is when you
meet a girl
like that
is not
to get
involved
in a
fucking
relationship
but uh
you know
bang them
and you know
get your
stories out
because it'll
prevent you
from having
a midlife
crisis later
on in life
am I helping
you out
I don't know
I mean
I'm kind of
giving you shit
here but I'm
also uh
I'm trying
you know what
I'm really
doing right
here is
you're basically
bearing the
brunt of the
fact that I've
trashed women
so much in the
last 10 minutes
I have to try
to seem like
I'm balanced
here and
that I don't
understand exactly
what the fuck
you're saying
um
but I think
I think
you're fine
she tried to
play that
mind game
with you
you didn't
lose your
shit
you said
according to
you anyways
you said
I'm fine
you went
in
you rubbed
one out
you banged
her for
two fucking
months
and one day
you were like
what am I
doing
and you just
said yeah
pack up your
shit and get
out of here
so um
I would not
this woman
is not
a good example
of uh
of a good
woman
alright
so don't try
to don't act
like all women
are like this
like I have
for a long
time and like
I do every week
on my podcast
just for comedic
purposes
I like
trashing them
it's fun
and it's
childish
but they're
not all like
that
if you're
young
there's still
great girls
out there
go out
and go
find them
and uh
I don't know
make a list
of what you're
looking for
and then you
also have to
realize dude
that you know
everybody's gonna
come with their
faults
like you with
your temper