Name: Bill Burr - Bill vs Nia
Uploaded: 2010-09-28T15:27:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill vs Nia' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-09-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill vs Nia' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-09-28. Transcript available.

So I'm really excited about all this.
And this is how much of a sports fan I am.
I'm flying in the Friday night to do the radio.
So, you know, do the radio to hype the damn gig.
And I'm actually going to drive down to go to that Trailblazer Hornets game.
And then I'm going to the Seattle Seahawks game on the Sunday afterwards.
And I brought all of that up as the lovely Nia just walked in here.
The lovely Nia just walked in here.
Does that make you upset that I'm spending an extra day on the road to go to a
football game?
Huh?
Come here.
Come here.
Come in here.
Come here.
It's not until the end of next month.
So what?
I like football.
I love you, but I like football.
Come here.
Come over here.
Oh, she just slammed down her purse as if to say, you don't like the Rams?
St. Louis Rams.
Let me tell you about the Rams.
They're one of the original teams that made up the NFL.
And they were in Los Angeles for a while, and that didn't work out.
Well, it worked out for a while.
And then they moved down to Anaheim, where Disneyland is, one of the happy
places.
And then after a while—
I'm going to punch you in your patronizing red face.
Come on, if I—this is the thing—you know what?
I have OCD, all right?
If I go to that Rams game, the only team in the Midwest—
First of all, you don't have OCD.
Stop being dramatic.
There are people who actually have OCD, and they want to kill themselves.
You don't have OCD.
You like going to football games.
That doesn't mean you have OCD.
See that?
That's what you need in your life.
You need a woman who can put you in your place when you're being ridiculous.
Was I being ridiculous?
Yes.
You just gave me the look.
Really?
Stop cursing on the podcast.
You know, I had enough of you.
See that?
You're supposed to be honest in a fucking relationship.
I told you what I'm doing.
Rather than coming home, I'm going to the fucking Rams game.
I'm going to be honest with you.
The fact that you've been on the road constantly and are choosing to stay out
longer is really fucking rude.
I have two weeks off?
Yeah, exactly.
Where you should be home.
I'm going to be home during those two weeks.
These fucking games are in, like, November.
You know what?
Fine, go.
I don't want to see you anyway.
Except for the two in October.
She just gave me the finger.
Are you not going to do your pumpkins or your pumpkin bread or anything?
I'm going to do the pumpkins, and I'm also going to make the pumpkin bread.
I'm big on Halloween, everybody.
I like it.
You don't have to buy any gifts, you know?
All these kids coming up the stairs dressed like Godzilla.
Yeah, it's adorable.
And I make...
How great was the pumpkin bread I made last year?
It was great.
You make great pumpkin bread.
You're a great baker.
That was all insulting.
It was great.
It was great pumpkin bread.
You're a great baker.
You know what?
You know what?
I'm smart enough not to engage in this with you.
Ooh, you're smart.
This is just your way of saying that you love me and you miss me.
So I'm not going to engage in this.
I love you, too.
Ah, see?
Figure that one out.
Go pour yourself a bowl of cereal.
Get out of my face.
I'm going to finish this up.
Ow!
Fucking cheap shot.
Does a woman ever just square up and just go, let's go?
They don't.
They wait until you're not looking and you fucking throw a punch.
Fucking cheap.
That was nice.
That's right where my appendix used to be.
Did you have your appendix out?
Yes, I did.
I had it out back in the day.
Way back in the day on those little house in the prairie days where you almost
died of it because people didn't know what's wrong with you.
Walking around, you face the same color as glue.
Your dad just going, what's wrong with you?
Ah, you're being a baby.
I feel like there's somebody invisible stabbing me in my side.
Ah, come on.
Come on, stop it.
Grow up.