Name: Bill Burr - Bullying Woody
Uploaded: 2010-10-12T17:28:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bullying Woody' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-10-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bullying Woody' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-10-12. Transcript available.

You know what this reminds you guys have a haze? Anybody at work? I used to
work in this warehouse. And we were a bunch of fucking maniacs. And all day
long, all we did was break balls. I've told you this shit before because we
were basically mentally smart enough to work in a warehouse by the time you
were in third grade. You know what I mean?
It's supposed to be 10 boxes according to the packing list. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
8, 9, 10. There you go. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Sorry, Sesame
Street flashback.
So we used to fuck around all the time and our manager had no control over us.
You know, we didn't respect him. We knew he wasn't going to fire us. He didn't
have the goddamn heart.
And at the end of the day, we got our fucking job done. So he decides that we're
the problem is, is that we're all too fucking young.
There's a level of immaturity out there because we were all in our early 20s
that we that he should hire.
He hired this 38 year old guy. I actually remember his name, but I'm not going
to I don't name names on this shit.
And Jesus Christ, that fucking guy's almost 60. He was like 38. And that was 22
fucking years ago. He's 60.
What the fuck? So anyways, this guy drove a fucking sky blue Chevy Cavalier
station wagon, four door.
Bare bones, factory fucking rims. The car was like three years old. He had 8000
miles on it.
All right. And this guy was a weirdo and he had these fucking glasses, these
black frame glasses that nobody wore in the 80s.
So we immediately started calling him Woody. We'd be, hey, Woody, how many
boxes we get over there?
And this guy was just bizarre. And he come over. Why call me Woody? Are you
trying to bring me down?
So he kept saying, you're trying to bring me down that I already tell this
fucking story.
This sounds oddly familiar to me.
So we would just fuck with him.
We would just be like, okay, at 4.31 today,
everybody would just start going, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody,
and that's what we would do.
He would be picking orders down in the warehouse area,
and we would all be picking orders with him,
and then out of nowhere, we would just start going,
Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody,
at the top of our fucking lungs.
I know it's fucking sophomoric, but we wouldn't say it to him.
We would just fucking be saying it.
It was really passive-aggressive because he already talked to management
about us calling him Woody.
So it's like, dude, we're not calling you Woody.
We're just going, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody.
Look, in your vicinity.
So we do the same thing.
You trying to bring me down?
You trying to bring me down?
So eventually, we hazed this guy so much that he fucking quit, right?
He and his little Chevy Cavalier fucking four-door sky blue bare-bones
station wagon, drove right out.
In the back of my head, I was like, you know what?
I got a bad feeling that motherfucker's coming back.
It was right around the time when people first started going postal.
So it wasn't enough that we actually drove this guy out of work.
One of the fucking maniacs I worked with somehow got the guy's home phone
number.
And the following week, he still didn't have a job.
And he picked up the phone.
He's like, hello.
And there was 10 of us standing around the phone.
And we all go, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody.
And I always pictured him slamming the phone down and then looking up like that
dude in a clockwork
orange when he realizes the dude who came and fucking kicked the shit out of
him and raped
his wife came back.
That's kind of an ugly story, isn't it?
You know, for as much as people sit there and they talk about this cyberbullying
and all
this type of shit and how fucking horrible it is, which it is, obviously.
You know, I don't like how everybody tries to act like they were a victim.
I mean, weren't you a little bit of both?
Because I know I used to get bullied.
Jesus Christ, walking up the street looking like fucking that kid on the Family
Griffith.
What the fuck is that?
Andy Griffith.
How did I come up with the Family Griffith?
Ah, my fucking brain is mush.
Yeah, people immediately came walking up the street.
My fucking, my hair was orange when I was growing up.
I think I didn't get the shit kicked out of me.
You know?
But then, you know, I got a little bit bigger.
I got a couple more freckles.
I got some more confidence.
And I just started picking on kids who were younger than I was.
So now whenever I see those goddamn stories,
I just, I don't know, I see both sides of it.
I just see like, yeah, you shouldn't have fucking done that.
But I don't judge the bully because I did shit like that.
No?
You guys didn't do shit like that?
Ah, go fuck yourselves.
All right, why don't you guys, you know what?
That's the theme of this whole podcast.
Everybody can go fuck themselves.
Yeah.