Name: Bill Burr-Incest in Mythology and Religion
Uploaded: 2010-12-07T10:08:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Incest in Mythology and Religion' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-12-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Incest in Mythology and Religion' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-12-07. Transcript available.

you know did i tell you guys i went up to uh i went to this observatory and i
was looking at
stars the other night because i'm not fucking drinking and i'm desperately
trying to fill these
hours when i used to have fun in my life and uh i was looking at the moons of jupiter
and uh one
of the moons was named after some fucking um let's see if i have the
information here was named after
what the fuck i think like you know what i can wing this you guys don't need to
know the name you
don't give a fuck one of the moons of jupiter is named after uh jupiter was
basically the roman
zeus right when it comes to mythology if i remember correctly they basically
stole all their gods like
stealing like a fucking script idea they just changed up the names of the
characters like no
man it's different what are you talking about so jupiter was married to uh i
don't know i don't
know what the fucking name was apollonia right we're just going to use fake
names here and they had a
daughter named uh heather or helena i don't know what the fuck her name was one
of the moons is named
jupiter was one of the moons of jupiter and he was named after this girl now
evidently uh this is how this
this is how the story goes in mythology
is
jupiter
had basically a crush on his own fucking daughter
and his wife
rather than reporting it to the proper authorities
was just simply jealous
like he was banging some hottie down the street
rather than her fucking daughter
so jupiter's banging his own daughter
his wife gets wind of it
he gets fucking nervous
so he turns her into a cow
not his wife
he turns his beautiful daughter that he was banging
into a heifer
heifer evidently is a fucking
a fucking cow that hasn't given a calf yet
you know
it's ready to be fucking banged
raw dog style
right
that's a fucking story
i swear to god
and for all you jesus freaks out there
who are looking down your nose at that sort of mythology
your fucking religion starts the same goddamn way
adam and eve
first two fucking people
they were hanging out
somehow there became more people
it's really weird
like that guy was basically
this guy told this fucking story
or at least brought it up
i guess he didn't tell the whole story
then i researched it
it's just
the um
the incestuous
the acceptance of incest
back in the day
i don't know if it's creepy
or if it just makes sense
you know
you gotta be asking yourself this
all right
there's only 40 people on the planet
all right
let's just say 25 of them
are women
15 of them are men
that doesn't even add up
does it
there's 40
yeah it does
25 and 15 is 40
see that
we all learned something here today
on the podcast
all right
let's see
let's say
15 are men
and 25 are fucking women
all right
now who's kidding who
you've been to a bar
there's 25 fucking women in there
all right
how many of them
could you completely
give a shit about
12
a good half of them
you don't give a fuck
you're stone sober
yeah whatever
with your fucking jeans
beat it
all right
you got weird eyebrows
get the fuck away from me
I don't care
so 12 of them are out the window
now you're down to 13 women
how many of them are going to be hot
let's use the bar analogy
there's going to be about four hot ones
all right
now if there's 25 women
and 15 guys
and only four of those women are fucking hot
there's a good goddamn chance
that one of those women is going to be your daughter
no laws have been made about it
you know
there's no real sort of
you know
they haven't even invented the fucking wheel yet
or the hammer
there's no
there's no jurisdiction
there's no jurisdiction
there's no laws
I guess that
that's why it made sense
like why all these religions started that way
and then Thor
banged his sister
in front of his daughter
and nobody questioned the shit
so anyways