Name: Bill Burr-Paul McCartney
Uploaded: 2010-12-14T19:08:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Paul McCartney' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-12-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Paul McCartney' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-12-14. Transcript available.

Hey Bill, I just finished watching last night's Saturday Night Live with Paul
McCartney
and I think it's time for Paul to hang it up for good.
I feel like a bit of an asshole for thinking it
because we're all supposed to be in awe of him because he's a Beatle.
They let him do four songs last night because everyone is in awe of him.
And that's the problem.
No one wants to tell the 68-year-old man with the dyed brown hair and saggy man
boobs
that he doesn't have the voice for a live performance anymore.
I fear getting old and being irrelevant too.
But I hope that when it's my time to retire,
I can accept that I'm not what I once was
and move on to something else that better suits that stage of my life.
Paul should look to someone like Bono.
Not that I'm a big Bono fan,
but I think he's done it right by imitating Bob Geldof's example of rock and
roll philanthropy.
How about a pat him on the back for getting through that sentence without
fucking it up?
You too won't draw stadium-sized crowds forever,
so Bono set himself up as a jet-setting friend of the world's poor.
Even if he never gave another concert or sung another note,
he'll still have meaningful work beyond his music.
It's like you were saying in previous podcasts.
It's good to have a side business in case show business doesn't work out.
Best regards.
Yeah.
I kind of see what you're saying a little bit,
but I know a lot of people saw Paul McCartney last year on tour
and said he was fucking unbelievable.
And then I also think that the Beatles right now are a victim of a backlash
because of something that they didn't create.
I think Apple, not Apple, is whatever, iTunes.
That's right, iTunes.
I got real confused there because they had Apple Records
and then Macintosh has a fucking Apple.
And that's all it takes to really just send me flying down the fucking sideline
like that dreadlocked son of a bitch who got tripped.
Anyways, I think iTunes has been trying to get the Beatles' catalog, obviously.
It's probably the first band you would want to start with
as far as if you wanted to make money.
They finally got them, and they are from the Baby Boom generation,
Steve Jobs and all those guys.
So this is, you know, this is their Jesus.
So they present the band as their Jesus,
and just eventually, it's just inevitable
that it's going to annoy the generations after.
And not to mention, because we weren't born
when they were putting out albums,
it's impossible for us to see
how far ahead of their fucking time they were.
You know, and that's something I also see in comedy
where I've actually gotten emails from people going,
what's the big deal with Richard Pryor?
You know, 35 years of people ripping off his shit,
they've actually made, you know, some of his stuff,
you know, like, after 35 years,
people finally caught up with him.
You know, so the Beatles was so fucking far ahead
of everybody.
But now it's 40, almost 50 fucking years later.
Yeah, now you're going to look back on it,
and after everybody's ripped them off,
it's going to be like, dude, what the fuck was the big deal?
All right?
So there's that.
And then the last thing is,
I'm sick of people
throwing old people out in the fucking yard.
You know, like they're your old iPod speakers.
Ah, there's a loose wire.
Fuck him.
He's out the goddamn door.
I think it's bullshit.
All right?
I like old people.
Even that fucking asshole downstairs.
I like them.
I respect them.
And what it is is you look at them,
and you see their dyed hair,
and you see their saggy man boobs, right?
They have wrinkled up tushies, right?
So you equate that with their level of intelligence
rather than this fucking guy has walked this planet
for 65, 75, 85 fucking years.
And, you know, what's that expression?
It's a bunch of things change.
They stay the same.
Stitch in time saves nine, whatever the fuck.
I can never remember expressions, whatever.
You know, this guy's seen everything
that you're about ready to see.
He's already seen it, okay?
He didn't have a fucking iPod.
Who gives a fuck?
All right?
A cunt is still a cunt.
All right?
Some things don't fucking change,
and this guy has this whole wealth of knowledge.
Now, here's a guy who's been playing live gigs
for 50-something fucking years.
All right?
He can still physically play.
Why wouldn't you want to go see him?
You know?
With all his fucking experience, you know?
Yeah, I mean, I could see if he was jumping off the piano
trying to do splits and touch his fucking toes,
and then he came down and blew out his knee,
and they had to give him fucking a geritol rub
right on his blown-out knee.
Then, yeah.
You know what I mean?
But, like, I don't like that whole fucking...
It's like a corporate mentality.
Ah, your skin's wrinkled up.
We have no...
We don't like looking at you.
Beat it.
I don't know.
I'd still go pay to see the Rolling Stones.
I would.
Why wouldn't you?
Why the fuck wouldn't you?
Those guys give me hope
that I can sit there
and drag my ass out on a fucking stage,
80 years old.
Hey, what's up with Medicaid?
You know?
Out on a cruise ship.
But I do understand what you're saying,
because I definitely want to...
If I'm on stage in my 60s and 70s...
The 60s is fine.
Because I'm still going to be fucking annoyed
and want to be out there.
But in my 70s,
if I'm still on fucking stage,
I want it to be because...
Not because I need the money.
Because I want to be out there.
All right?
I remember Keith Richards saying,
someone was like,
when are you guys going to hang it up?
He's like, never.
I'm a musician.
This is what I do.
I will do this in front of two people
or 200,000.
It's what the fuck I do.
You want me to put down my guitar?
You know?
He has a great line in his book
where he talks about
how much he loves guitar.
I don't know if I said this last week.
Keith Richards has this book called Life.
It's the fucking shit.
And...
He talks about how he loves guitar so much
that to this day,
he opens a guitar case
and just the smell of a guitar,
he wants to crawl in there
and close the lid.
All right?
So if you ask this guy
to stop going out playing live,
you might as well put a bullet in his brain.
You're killing the man.
Okay?
So having said that,
let Paul McCartney do his fucking thing.
Hasn't he been through enough?
I mean,
that guy truly
found the love of his life.
All right?
She fucking dies.
Then he's in a bad place
like the fucking Jets
strength coach.
He goes out,
he marries some gold-digging whore
with one leg,
you know,
which was the classic
fucking misdirection.
Because I bet
in the back of his head
he kept going,
you know,
I think she's a fucking gold-digger.
And then that other place,
like,
dude,
she only has one leg, man.
Stop being so mean.
Right?
And then he just
gave into that.
There you go.
There you go.