Name: Bill Burr - Advice: No Punctuation
Uploaded: 2011-01-19T03:15:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: No Punctuation' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-01-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: No Punctuation' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-01-19. Transcript available.

um all right advice i know this girl i've known her for a bit uh we're friends
we've been for a
while okay now this one you know how everybody always trashes me for the way i
fucking read i
know i suck at reading but i have to let you know this is all in lowercase and
there's absolutely no
punctuation whatsoever i don't know if this guy text messaged this or what but
this is not my
fucking fault let me try my best to read this all right bill i know this girl i've
known her for a
bit and we're friends no period we've been for a while comma anyway about a
month ago i asked her
out on a date and she said yes comma continuing the sentence he doesn't have
periods he just has
commas lowercase i took her out and we had fun no period we talked shit was hunky-dory
no comma
we kissed it no period it was awesome first date it was an awesome first date
hey there's a period no capital letter then i i barely fucking heard from her
no period i was
running around like a fucking jackass no period just trying to talk to her and
i'm sorry i guess it
keeps going just trying to talk to her and when we would talk it was fine now
there's a period
i was beating myself up going crazy no period i was some piece of shit anyway i
pulled myself together and i
asked her out again she once again said yes awesome right well not your fucking
lack of punctuation that's
not awesome so we go out again went cool again i didn't kiss her this time i
don't know it was just off
but anyway comma that was no punctuation in all of that you fucking dick once
again i was fucking
once again i fucking didn't hear a thing so i said fuck it i don't need this
right now we just went
back to being friends never talked about it just let it lay i'm fucking seeing
double at this point
anyway lately i've been talking to her a lot like i said like i said we're
friends but she's very
clearly been flirting with me and i honestly have been flirting back i still
like the girl no period no
nothing but i just don't know if it's worth it you know period no question mark
she's got a lot of
drama she's one of these girls that gets drunk at a party and cries then ask
people if she's pretty
which she really fucking is like really hot dot dot dot dot dot uh but i do
like her i just don't know
if i should put myself through this shit again what do you think bill i
legitimately legitimately would
like your advice slash opinion um okay the first thing i would do i'd get some
sort of spell check
i would get some sort of uh um phonics or some sort of shit to teach you how to
write
all right people i know i suck at reading out loud but can you do me a fucking
solid i'm not reading
any more fucking emails that that are like this all right because i this is
literally i'm starting to
lose my fucking eyesight um so what do i think yeah okay this is what i think i
think you should
definitely not get into a relationship with this girl this girl this girl is a
fucking nightmare
all right there's all kinds of red flags i don't know what happened to her and
i can tell you right
now you don't want to find out what's happening to her what happened to her you
don't want to find out
in that you don't want to have feelings for this girl all right and when the
other fucking bag of shit
hits the floor and your heart is underneath it you don't you don't you don't
let a girl like this
break your heart all right you can see it from a mile away she is a fucking
mess all right there's
plenty of great girls out there you're a young guy go find one all right find a
girl you know make a
list of shit all right one of the big things if you want to find a really good
girl is find one who
has a great relationship with her parents hopefully they're still together all
right that's another
good thing start with that but if they're sitting there you got low self-esteem
issues you're going
to kill a decade of your fucking life trying to build them up and you know what
it's going to be
it's going to be fucking exhausting all right and then because she doesn't
think she's pretty
she might act out sexually um for some sort of you know i don't know like
jeez i just really have an hour and six minutes in here just you know some sort
of affirmation that
she is pretty okay so what do i think you should do all right well if you're a
well-adjusted guy
you'll just walk away from the situation and say that i'm not going to just
bang her
and use that as a fucking notch on my bedpost to make my ego feel good and i'm
not going to hurt
this person but if you're how most people are your age i would just say bang
her and then uh
i don't know it's it's going to be ugly if you want to bang this girl i got to
tell you don't
let your heart get involved and uh
i don't know not not having seen her not seeing how hot she is and being older
and more mature i would
say just walk away and go find some well-adjusted hottie that's unless you just
want to bang somebody
but then you can do that you know what it is about this thing you know i don't
like there's too much
fucking history you got to be able to leave you got to be able to fucking go
out the side door
if you're just going to bang somebody you can't have this well we were friends
at first and then
it became romantic then we went back to being friends and then we fucked and it's
just a fucking
nightmare yeah i'd find someone else to fuck but if you don't give a shit yeah
i'd bang her but by no
means don't develop any sort of feelings for her all right there you go there's
my advice i'm going to