Name: Bill Burr - Female Masseuses
Uploaded: 2011-01-25T15:59:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Female Masseuses' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-01-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Female Masseuses' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-01-25. Transcript available.

I don't know. Speaking of which, you know, do you guys realize that right now
Brett Favre is getting sued?
Some of this shit. This is how fucked up the world is right now.
Brett Favre is getting sued by two masseuses because he tried to get some sort
of sexual favors afterwards.
And they're suing for that.
Do you understand that?
Let me say that just one more time.
Brett Favre is getting sued by a masseuse.
Two masseuses.
Is that how you say it?
Masseuses?
Mooses?
Two masseuses for asking basically to, you know, to bang him at the end of it.
They're suing him.
Can you fucking believe that?
I just, it's fucking, you know what that's like?
That's like me suing a comedy club because I got heckled.
It comes with the job.
There is not any masseuse, any female masseuse out there that listens to this
podcast.
Are you honestly going to tell me that you've been rubbing guys' backs and
their legs and their chest and all that and you've, no one has ever asked you
for a fucking handjob at the end of it?
It fucking comes with the territory.
That's like being a cop and suing the city because you got shot at.
All right?
You fucking put hot oil all over a guy's body and you rub everything but their
dick.
I mean, give me a fucking break, you goddamn cock teases.
Yeah, people are going to ask you to rub one out.
Okay?
And if you had a shred of fucking decency, you'd do it.
You'd complete the goddamn job.
All right?
Because your sign says full body massage.
All right?
Last I saw, my dick is still part of my body.
All right?
You know what masseuses are like?
They're like the fucking quarterback who can't get it done.
You know?
Just always comes up a little bit short.
They should fucking interview him afterwards.
So, you know, like, what happened in there?
You know, I just didn't get it done.
You know?
It was like right there.
All I'd do was just reach out and grab it and I'd just, you know, we didn't
want it.
We didn't want it as much as they wanted it.
That's just like, that's such a classic piggyback lawsuit.
It's like once that first stupid whore, you know, gave Brett Favre shit.
This is very interesting that I've noticed about whores.
Once one comes out of the woodwork, then all of a sudden 20 come out of the
woodwork.
You know?
And then they always try to paint it as, well, we were too scared.
We were scared.
Fuck you.
You were.
You're trying to make money.
And you're trying to build on the momentum of the other case.
That's the female version of pulling a train on somebody.
You know?
The guy version is, you know, you and 80 of friends bang the same girl.
The female version is, you know, you're a fucking whore.
And you're just waiting for a whore to sue a guy that you fucking banged.
And then you fucking, you draft in right behind their lawsuit.
Okay?
You know, some of those masseuses, they'll actually come to your house and give
you a full body rubdown with oil.
Okay?
And then have the fucking nerve to get upset that you try to get a hand jump at
the end of it.
You know?
Give me a fucking break.
Why don't you fucking masseuse broads man the fuck up and start rubbing one out?
Is it that goddamn hard?
No pun intended.
Is it that fucking difficult to just fucking, you know?
It's like you're revving a motorcycle.
That's it.
That's all you gotta do.
Up and down, up and down with that fucking oil.
In and out.
You want that house on the hill, sweetheart?
There's a price to pay.
All right?
And when a quarterback who owns every fucking record, good and bad, in the
goddamn universe, asks you to rub one out.
God damn it, you fucking rub one out.
Well, maybe you don't blog in this business, sister.
That's right.
Stare at your fucking manicured toes.
Pedicured.
Whatever the fuck you're supposed to say.
Jesus Christ, mean-spirited.