Name: Bill Burr - Is it Racist
Uploaded: 2011-02-01T11:57:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Is it Racist' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Is it Racist' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-02-01. Transcript available.

All right. There's a lot of question out there about, you know, things that
happen within society, especially, you know, this this is something that I
think a lot of white people need because not because we're more racist than
anybody else.
We just get just the the consequences of us fucking up is so much harsher than
other people because, you know, we are the gold standard when it comes to
racist.
We are in the driver's seat right now. We have been in the driver's seat for a
while, basically meaning that if we are ignorant assholes, it has way more
effect than when other people are.
You know, back in the day when other people were running shit, that's the thing.
Whoever's on top, if you're thinking ignorant, that's what that's why, you know,
if you're on top and you're thinking ignorant shit, you have to be called on it
because just because because the effect that you can have, you know what I mean?
Like if somebody from Bangladesh fucking hates me, that's such a stupid example.
OK. That's not a race of people. I don't even know where Bangladesh is. And I
got to be honest with you.
I don't even know if that's a city or a country. Bangladesh. Have you ever seen
that on The Price is Right?
You know, in showcase showdown. We're selling you to Bangladesh. And some white
trash person like myself sits there with a confused look on their face like, I
don't know where that is.
Is that where the terrorists are? I don't want to go there. Whatever. Like if
Filipino people fucking hate me, that doesn't affect my life. It doesn't.
I'm not going to go and do a job interview at, you know, Walmart is not run by
Filipinos. You know what I mean?
You know, not saying there's anything wrong with Filipinos. All right. See what
I have to do right there as a white person?
Not saying I'm saying anything bad about Filipinos. Just be clear here. I have
never had issues.
I've never had blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fucking all that shit. You
got to go to the Jerry Lewis voice there.
Lady. So, yeah, people have questions. So here we go.
And I think all races should chime in the questions that you have.
If you have feelings about a different race of people and you just think you're
thinking something funny, there's nothing malicious.
But is this offensive? Is it racist? This is this is the new topic.
OK. And if you feel that I answer these questions like the ignorant white man
that I am, call me out on it here.
So here we go. This first one. Bill, is it racist to call Indians dibu dabus?
And I'm talking about the Asian ones, not Native Americans.
I'm guessing by dibba dabus, you mean dibba dabu.
Dibba dabu. Dibba dabu. Dibba dabu. You're saying like that? Dibba dabu.
Is it racist? Probably. But it's fucking funny.
So that knocks it down a little bit.
This is what I feel that makes something like racist.
It's like. Like the reason why that one isn't as offensive is because we haven't
we never enslaved them.
That's the reason why white and black shit is so sensitive is because of the
shit that we did to them.
But we haven't really fuck with those people, you know.
So.
If the black version of that was, is it is it offensive to call black people?
Hey, man, motherfucker or whatever.
Yes, that would be offensive.
If you did some sort of mocking of the way they spoke.
Yes, that would be.
That would be offensive if some CEO was giving a speech and I was driving.
Actually, I was having someone else drive my town car and we drove by a group
of motherfuckers and they proceeded to walk towards.
Yeah, you'd have to apologize.
So I guess.
Yeah, I guess technically dibba dabu like that would be that would be offensive.
Is it racist?
Um, this is what I really I really it's hard for me to say because it had it's
what's in your heart, you know, because I make fuck.
I really I make fun of of everybody, you know, I mean, I play a game out here
when someone is making let me ask you.
I got a question for you.
Is this racist?
I have a game out here when I ride around with Nia and she does not approve of
this to keep her in the clear.
She does not approve of this when somebody makes a moronic move in front of me.
You know, driving.
You know, just makes a fucking horrific move.
I play a game called old or Asian.
And you have to guess when because I'm going to pass the person because I got
to see what they look like.
You know, whenever somebody does something fucked up, some comedians do a great
joke about that.
You just want to see what the fuck they look like.
Right.
That's the game.
Old or Asian.
So as I speed up my little hybrid to try to pull parallel to them, I always say,
what do you say, Nia?
What are you going with?
Old or Asian?
What do you got?
Old or Asian?
She goes, I'm not playing this game.
That's mean.
And then I was going, I'm going to go with old.
And then I pull up.
Oh, it's fucking Asian.
You know, or oh, I nailed it.
It was an old guy.
So is that racist?
I'm sure it's offensive.
But within the context of my own car, you know, I'm not yelling it at anybody.
And I got to admit, you know, there's a lot of truth in the fucking game.
Jesus, I'm going to have to apologize next week on the podcast.
So I would say that Indian people, why don't you chime in?
I would say that, yeah, that they would find that they would find that
offensive.
Is it racist?
Let me see if I can use it in a sentence here.
Hey, you know, I called up customer service and, you know, one of those dibidabas
answered and tried to tell me that his name was Steve and act like he was in
Kentucky.
But I know that he was actually in India because when he talked, he was going,
dibidabba, what?
How could I help you?
Is it racist?
Probably.
You know what?
Something bad has to happen between white culture and – or Western culture
and Indians.
So, you know what I mean?
It's like you're playing a team and there's no rivalry.
Like, Patriots versus Jets this year was like whites and blacks.
It was bad.
It was a lot of hate, you know?
But, like, Patriots versus, like, the fucking Lions, you know?
Yeah, there's going to be some shit talk.
It's knocked out.
But it still hurts if somebody says something mean.
I don't – I really don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
All right, let's move to the next one.
The next one on the new controversial topic on the Monday Morning Podcast.
Is it racist?
All right, here we go.
Bill, I had an interesting experience today, apparently involving me as a
racist.
I was walking with two of my coworkers who are both black.
Oh, geez, here we go.
We were going to go get some lunch.
One of my coworkers, who I'm also friends with, did a little high-five, fist
bump shuffle with one of the female security guards at the front desk.
Knowing both of them and how they interact with one another, I kind of made a
in-passing comment to the tune of,
Man, you guys and your handshakes while obviously laughing at just how choreographed
it was and more or less picturing them in a studio or something,
working out the logistics to get the fucking handshake perfect.
Anyways, we all laughed and moved on and we got our lunch.
All right, so nothing wrong yet.
So you're cool with these people, you made a joke, and everybody laughed.
No problems.
No problems so far.
However, after coming back through security, I noticed the security guard
stopped me and kind of had a scowl on her face.
I thought she was mad at me for something, but it turned out she was mad at
this other lady who was black
because she overheard my comment and was telling that security guard that she
couldn't believe I had the nerve to say something like that
and I should be ashamed.
Also to the point where she could, almost to the point where she could actually
go complain to the human resource people
because she was offended, et cetera, without even considering that maybe, just
maybe,
I was talking about the security guard and my coworker and not all black people.
Now, it being corporate America and all, I'm sure rather than even face the
possibility of any bad press,
they'd rather just sweep me out the door and completely ruin any reputation I
may or may not hold at the company
just to save their own asses.
I feel I did nothing wrong and had no intentions of ever doing anything wrong.
I'm not going to go on and on about how I kiss black babies and try to rehabilitate
inner city schools
because I don't, but I'm certainly not some corn-fed, rebel-flag-waving,
ignorant product of what might be incest.
I guess my question is, do we really have to walk on eggshells when we are just
making casual conversation
that just any, that just any cunt can pick apart, select the context that they
might think it is in
and then start crying foul.
Basically, I would have liked to call that woman a cunt and told her to go fuck
herself,
but let's just say I was already kind of worried about my job.
All right, see?
Yeah, I think this is the classic one where you were fucking around.
The other two people knew you were fucking around, but then one person decides
to get offended
and then you have to go on TV and apologize, which personally I think is the
wrong move
because when you apologize, now it's like you're admitting that you meant it in
a bad way.
I mean, the apology I would do there is say, look, you know, I'm sorry that you
didn't understand that I was joking,
but I'm not going to sit here and apologize like I have any sort of ill will
coming your way, you know?
But just to avoid the problem in the future, white people, do not use the
expression you guys or you people
when talking about black people.
It's just not going to – you're setting yourself up for someone to get
offended.
And there's a weird sort of push-pull going on with that whole you guys and you
people thing
where when somebody white says that, there becomes this concern that you're
separating.
You're separating, like, you know, you people over there with how you live your
lives and we're over here.
Black people have that weird relationship with white people where they're like,
you know,
can you stop stealing our fucking music and our culture?
But then, like, if something, you know – hey, let's pave the streets, you
know?
Well, make sure you do it in our neighborhood.
We're all in this together, right?
All of us together?
You know what I mean?
So it's that weird sort of fucking push-pull thing going on.
So, yeah, just avoid – avoid the whole fucking – yeah, you fucked up.
You didn't fuck up, but you left yourself open for a sucker punch by saying,
you guys – you know, that's – I guess that that's what it is.
I don't know.
That's my – I'm basically a white guy telling a white guy how he fucked up.
So, black people, if you're listening to this thing, please, please help me out
here.
Did I basically get it right?
Is that essentially it?
And I know most people wouldn't get offended.
All right.
So there you go.
That's the new topic.
Is it racist?
And I would love to hear some honest comments from non-white people about their
thoughts.
You know?
The fucked up ones, too.
Okay?
Because I've watched enough Spike Lee movies to think that evidently it's just
us, but I've hung around enough people from different races to realize, oh,
yeah, everybody's like this.