Name: Bill Burr - Gold Diggin' Whores
Uploaded: 2011-02-22T11:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Gold Diggin' Whores' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Gold Diggin' Whores' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-02-22. Transcript available.

I have a big day ahead of me.
The NBA All-Star Game is fucking at the Staples Center.
Staples Center, home of the Los Angeles Lakers
and their 11 championship banners
and then that one banner with all those ones from the BBA.
So anyways, you got to be saying to yourself,
hey, Bill, you're a big sports fan.
Are you going to go to the game?
Yes, I am.
I am going to go to the game.
Can you fucking believe it?
Kind of came out of nowhere.
All of a sudden I had a hookup.
Somebody came through with a ticket
and I said, abso-fucking-lutely.
Somebody I know came through with a fucking ticket
for the entire All-Star weekend.
And I'm psyched.
I've never been to an All-Star game before.
Never, ever, ever.
And I'm psyched to stand there
and look at all the celebrities that are going to be there
and all their bitches.
Huh?
I don't want to see the wives.
I want to see their bitches.
I want to see their gold-digging fucking whores.
That's what I want to see.
Fuck the NBA players.
I don't give a shit about them.
Bunch of goddamn weirdos.
You're all six foot ten.
You should be able to dunk.
All right?
And you look weird in street clothes.
You ever see an NBA player in a suit?
You know, he looks like that.
He looks like they have like giantism or something.
They don't look right.
They don't look right unless they're in a tank top and shorts
standing next to another guy who's also six foot fucking tense.
I don't give a shit about those guys.
They don't give a fuck about me.
Right?
I'm there to see the gold-digging whores.
I want to see that whole fucking game going down.
Right?
Okay?
It's the All-Star game.
So you know all these celebrities.
They got to bring their bottom bitch to that one.
They got to bring their wife.
They got to bring their serious girlfriend.
That's what the fuck they have to bring.
All right?
She's in the pride.
But on the outside, little fucking hyenas trying to steal a little piece of
meat.
Right?
That's going to be all the whores.
That's the game.
That's the fucking game I'm going to be watching.
I want to see what ridiculous fucking outfit the gold-digging whore is going to
fucking be wearing.
The length that she's going to have to go to to get these fucking multi-millionaires
to notice them right in front of their fucking wife.
I can't wait.
I cannot wait.
I cannot fucking wait to see how high up you have to jack your fucking ass up
to get noticed at the All-Star game.
Because you know every whore out there, she's going with the fucking four, five-inch
goddamn stilettos.
Oh.
Walking down those fucking, you know, they're all going to be sitting.
You know, where do gold-digging whores sit?
The wives sit courtside.
They sit, you know, they sit in a group.
Have you ever noticed that?
They all keep the wives all, you know, together.
It's a very smart move by the men, you know, because you get a bunch of women
together.
Eventually, they're just going to be running their mives.
They're not going to be paying attention to shit.
They're going to be doing that shit while the fucking game's going on.
They don't give a shit, right?
I'd say the gold-digging whores, I'm going to say that they're going to start
at about row, about 20, maybe 21.
That's a more believable number, right?
20 was too even.
You know?
Row 23.
That's where they're going to start, all right?
And that's going to be like the gold-digging whores, gold-digging whore.
You know what I mean?
Like the quarterback's quarterback, the comic's comic.
The whore's whore is going to be at the NBA All-Star Game.
Already banging somebody.
Already hooked up.
She's going to be about row 20, right?
She's already going to have guilted somebody down there.
Somebody connected.
That, you know, how come your wife is sitting seven rows in front of me?
And, hey, I got to do what I got to fucking do.
And don't worry, I'll make it up to you.
So she already has something shiny coming her fucking way, all right?
And then you go back.
You go, well, Staples Center's weird, where it's kind of the haves, the have-nots,
you know?
So if you get to the upper deck, those are like the open micro-whores, all
right?
That's someone who just fucking blew somebody in a ticket booth to get up to
the 300 fucking level.
All right?
So what they're going to do is they're basically going to be dressing hot for,
you know, I don't know.
They're going to be up there with the fucking potato-skin-eating sports bar guy,
right?
The season ticket holder or some shit.
I don't know what the fuck.
This whole thing's kind of unraveling.
All I know is there's going to be a bunch of fucking whores down there, and I
can't wait to look at them.