Name: Bill Burr-Advice: Fingerprinting, Computers, and Robots
Uploaded: 2011-03-01T08:07:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Advice: Fingerprinting, Computers, and Robots' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-03-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr-Advice: Fingerprinting, Computers, and Robots' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-03-01. Transcript available.

Let's go to advice.
Bill, advice.
So for the last five years, I've been teaching guitar lessons full-time at a
very large music school in Chicago.
There are over 100 music teachers at this school with about 5,000 students
every session.
Half of those students are under 18.
The school has been around for over 50 years and is globally recognized.
Let's see if I can figure that out.
Oh, Chicago, I don't know that one.
I was going to guess Berkeley.
Now, I get an email from the new director of the school saying all of the staff
are required to get their thumbs scanned by some company called Biometric.
What?
Biometric scans your thumbs into their watch system.
We all already had background checks done when we were hired, but now they
argue that we need to have this done.
Apparently, all of the public school teachers in their entire city are being
forced to do this as well.
Basically, anyone who is around any younger – who is around any younger –
please, people, please proofread your shit.
You make me sound dumb.
I'm already dumb enough.
Basically, anyone who is around any younger people – oh, for a profession –
is now mandated by their employee to get in this creepy biometric system.
You see this shit?
Have you guys noticed this?
All this fucking screaming and yelling we do during every single election that
comes around to pick the Democrat or the Republican, it doesn't make a
difference.
Because when the real shit goes down, like approving, giving biometrics the
right to do this, we don't get to vote on this.
They don't even tell us about it.
They just go, it's a law.
It's mandatory.
You have to do this.
Anyways, he says, I don't have anything to hide, but the mental picture of all
of us harmless musicians lining up like fucking cattle, having some stormtrooper
asshole scanning my thumbprint into some supercomputer where it will stay
forever is really depressing.
Obviously, this is all done in the name of, air quote, protecting the children.
But at what cost?
Here's my question for you.
I feel like this is my moment to take a stand.
Should I make a deal, big deal about this and try to rally all the other
teachers to fight this?
Or will I just look like I have something to hide?
It is really, really hard to get a job at this school, so I'm scared to make
waves.
Do you feel like this protects kids from creeps?
I should mention that in the school's 50-year history, no incident of a teacher-student
misconduct has been recorded.
Everyone knows that pedophiles can't play an instrument, lol.
And do you think they are making priests get thumb scans?
I fucking bet not.
All joking aside, I'm really bothered by this situation.
What should I do, Bill?
I don't know.
The first thing I would do is I would talk to other teachers and see how they
feel about it.
I think that's complete horse shit.
Dude, they have been basically working their way towards this since they first
came up with photo IDs and social security numbers and all of that shit.
It's all done under the whole guise of organization and your own fucking safety.
And it's complete horse shit.
It has to do with them eventually trying to have a very few people be able to
make the decisions for all of us.
That's basically what's going on, okay?
And the more information they have about you, the easier it is to be able to
find you.
I mean, think about that shit.
They're going to have your thumbprint.
They know what your fucking fingerprint looks like, all right?
They're going to have an ability to freeze your fucking bank account and your
cell phone has a goddamn microchip in it.
Okay?
So the second they, I mean, this is like end of day shit.
And they got these fucking robots that they've been working on that can outperform
human beings.
I'm telling you, our days are fucking numbered.
They out on Jeopardy the other day, they had two human beings playing against a
fucking computer.
Those two people, they're helping human beings get phased out.
You should see, I'm not competing against a fucking computer.
So you can figure out how it does against me.
And you can figure the computer's weaknesses and strong points.
So it can come back with even more game.
And you can pump it back with more fucking information.
So eventually, I become fucking useless.
Unless, of course, I know how to build a robot or know how to grease its
fucking joints.
Yeah, dude.
I think, yeah.
I think it would be a very noble thing if you complained about that.
I think people need to complain more.
I'm guilty of it.
I fucking rant here on this podcast.
But I've never been to a protest.
But I don't think that it's right that they pass a law.
But, like, whether you agree with that or not, that's not something that they
should be able to pass without the voice of the people.
We should be able to vote on something like that.
That's fucking ridiculous.
I just found out from my account the other day, after years of saying I'm not
doing my shit online.
Because I don't want to put all that information online.
I now have no option.
I have to do it online.
You know?
I don't want to put all my fucking information online.
My tax ID numbers.
My social security numbers.
You're out of your fucking mind.
You're letting people in to your entire financial history.
You're letting them into your whole fucking...
God knows what they can do with that.
And they can ruin you.
All right.
All I'm doing is bitching here.
But, I don't know.
That shit really...
That's fucking creepy as hell.
I would talk to other people.
Be like, dude, hey, you know what?
What do you think about this?
You know, sort of get it going.
You know?
Just like how they started the revolution in this country.
Hey, what do you think about those redcoats?
They're kind of...
Yeah, dicks, right?
They're kind of dicks.
Yeah, I don't like them either.
Yeah.